The Second Serve: Chefwatch

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A second serving of scandal and slander Subscribe
Email stories to us club@popbitch.com

* Spliffs with Ainsley
* Frankie Dettori vs the tax man
* PLUS: How Gregg Wallace lost his V card

>> Mastershag <<

Ummm, butter

New week, same us.
The Popbitch archives are heaving with stories about lecherous chefs’ diva behaviour, so after Thursday’s aperitif, we’re offering up some more here as a main course, for Club Popbitch.
To start, who else but Gregg Wallace.
Four-times married Gregg hasn’t exactly been shy about his interest in the ladies through life. And he’s really been willing to put in the graft along the way.
Gregg once got the phone number of a crew member on one of his shows and left her a voicemail that was deeply romantic.
Gregg explained that he’d booked a hotel room for the two of them that night, but that she shouldn’t be worried because he was “very clean.”
She declined his kind offer.

Overheard complaining to his mate at the urinal about having to attend the Women in Film and TV Awards, where he endured ‘man-bashing’… Jesse from foodie YouTubers TopJaw

>> Water palaver <<

Gwegg wants his dwinkie

Whenever Gregg or John Torode find themselves feeling thirsty on the set of MasterChef, they will put on a baby voice and ask the nearest runner to get them a “fuzzy waawaa”.
“Fuzzy waawaa” is not, as you might imagine, just fizzy water said in an eerie way. It is very specifically (and all studio runners must understand this) a glass of sparkling water served with exactly two cubes of ice, one slice of lemon and one slice of lime.
It is only ever referred to as “fuzzy waaawaa”.

Gregg Wallace was once asked in a Christmas Instagram Q&A who he thought would win in a fight between a baboon and a badger. His answer: “Baboon! Hmm, actually, not sure, but I think probably a baboon.”

>> Special Delivery <<

Lurking under the lettuce

The last few weeks of Gregg Wallace anecdotes caused a few old Soho chefs to get in touch.In the early 90s, Gregg’s grocery company was well known to Soho restaurateurs. Not just for supplying all the standard fruit and veg, but their drivers would also deliver a few other essential sundries too. Notably, a very particular type of salt beloved by many chefs. Jazz salt – a speciality imported from South America.
Chefs would leave money out in a pint pot for the delivery driver to take what was owed for this little extra, and they could then expect to find their supply in a plastic bag tucked under the lettuce.
The lettuce was such a consistent feature that, even now, when old colleagues from those days get together they’ll still ask one another “Who’s got the lettuce then?”

Gregg Wallace’s ghost writer, Shannon Kyle, is also the author of ‘Happy Dog Days at the Pug Cafe’.

>> Oven ready <<

If you can’t stand the heat

A TV booker writes:
Gregg Wallace
“Really unpopular with production teams not only for sleaze but also his habit of reaching over the table and eating off other people’s plates uninvited. I still can’t fathom how he got so many shows.”
James Martin
“Professional and not rude at all. On shoots he would pop out and get nice cakes for everyone on set, that sort of thing.. Used to get totally mobbed by female fans, they would try to bribe managers to get into hotels where he was doing demos.”
Mark Hix
“A nightmare. Would be out the night before, get hammered, wake up late and then wander off somewhere near the location. Literally had to send scouts out to find him, usually in a cafe with pretty female staff.”

James Martin and Nick Knowles once had a fight in a car park over Suzy Perry.

>> Pulp Fiction <<

A recipe for trouble

A few years ago James Martin’s autobiography was pulped because he libelled his stepmother so badly in it – claiming she burned “every scrap” of his childhood, including baby pictures, school reports, toys and clothes (an incident his lawyers clarified later had never actually happened).That’s not the only trouble he got into with it. His ex, Barbara Broccoli, was furious that he’d spoken about their relationship. Instead of telling James herself that she was angry, she got her new boyfriend to do it. Her new boyfriend just happened to be one of James’ best friends. James had no idea he and Barbara were seeing each other until he called to say how disappointed she was.
An autobiography did finally come out, a self-styled look back to his working class childhood in Yorkshire. And what a typical working class childhood it was! His dad was not only described in the local paper as “the Rolls Royce-driving mastermind of the ‘Last Night of the Proms’ concerts which attracted thousands of classical music lovers to the grounds of Castle Howard” but as a ‘gourmet and chancellor of the Jurad de St Emilion wine club’.

One of James Martin’s old kitchen colleagues described him as ‘sexless and flash’, particularly into watches and cars, so much so that sex has become “sort of meaningless”.

>> ChefWatch<<

Short, back, sides are extra

Old school celebrity chef Steven Saunders has a particular routine for his trims.In his Savoy heyday he used to like coming in for his haircuts wearing full chefs whites, and would always ask to be seen by the youngest and prettiest female hairdresser.
He would toss his car keys down and wander off to the basins, before suddenly and dramatically spinning round to go back and make sure that the badge was facing upwards, so everyone would see the insignia of whatever Audi, BMV or Mercedes he was driving at that point.
He would also constantly lift his head right up so the water went down his neck and would generally end up soaked, so he could complain about it to get a discount.

Ainsley Harriott was known for being generous with his post-prandial spliffs on the west London dinner party circuit.

>> Sleb Cases <<

Win a box of celebrity wine!

Ever wanted to know what James Martin tasted like? Now you can find out.. if you enter this Celebrity Drinks Collection giveaway. One lucky winner picked at random gets the set; all other entries get a 10% discount.*
Sarah Jessica Parker X rosé
Graham Norton Sauvignon Blanc
Kylie Alcohol Free sparkling rosé 
Gary Barlow Red
James Martin Chardonnay
Julio Cesar Salentino Rosso IGP
* Subject to availability
[Enter giveaway here]

Confused about the “Hugh” reference in the last issue? The story came from someone working at a well-known restaurant who woke up to find a chef masturbating into her hair.

>> Big Question <<

Who’s asking what this week

Proving it’s not just TV cooks who have a lock on disreputable goings on; which politics-meets-reality TV couple are enjoying an open marriage these days? The female half of the couple has been particularly active and is on the lookout for younger black men.

Celebrity restaurateur Frankie Dettori has been having a fight with HMRC over a tax avoidance scheme. (He just lost his legal anonymity).

>> The G Card <<

Imminent virginity loss

And last word goes to Gregg Wallace. He might finally have to learn to keep his mouth shut, but thankfully he had no such ambitions back in 2012, when he released his unsurprisingly candid autobiography.
Life On A Plate is a romp through Wallace-world, with excruciating sexual details. For instance, the following painful excerpt on how Gregg lost his virginity. Enjoy:
“She came back for a drink one night to Ivydale when my dad was out, and we ended up getting it on. Andrea was just so hot, and she was very experienced too.
“‘You’re gorgeous’, she breathed in my ear, before grabbing my hand and guiding it to places a boy of my age could only dream of. I found myself faced with imminent virginity loss. And I didn’t have a clue what to do.”

Like Gregg Wallace, Gino d’Acampo loves to entertain sets on his TV shows by banging on about his love for anal.

>> Hmmms <<

A few quick things

****** We have 5 x pairs of tickets to give away to VIPBitches – a fabulously fun night out at the Pleasance Theatre, London N7, “Gwyneth Goes Skiing“, tells the story of that ski accident and court case… 11-21 December, choose a date, email us and we’ll see what we can do – club@popbitch.com ******
Gregg Wallace saying wow[Via Fesshole]
Paranormal investigators sworn at by potty-mouthed entity in abandoned West Country graveyard
[Headline of the week?]
Say It Ain’t So, Kermit
[Muppet History]
The party’s over: Nightclubs might be extinct by 2030
[Oh, good]

Thanks to: RL, TH, MB, JF, OF, inthessynoho, CL, LMES, monstris

Old Jokes Home

Q: What do you call a group of line cooks?
A: A heard.

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