The Second Serve // Clocks Oot!

With the entertainment world practically ground to halt while Adele’s album is given its grand debut, it’s strange to consider that her global dominance might never have come to pass thanks to her fear of flying.

When 19 first came out, Adele was so terrified of planes that she refused to fly to America to promote it out there. Sony US were so determined to get her Stateside that for a while they were looking into the feasibility of plonking her on a boat, but she wasn’t wildly keen on that option either.

Eventually they convinced her to fly and the rest is history – but the story has since come full circle. A few years ago, an anxiety psychologist conducted a study into the sorts of music that best helps nervous passengers get over their fear of flying.

The song they found most effective? Someone Like You.

In a letter to the Times this weekend, Paul Dacre described his experience of applying for a job at Ofcom as an “infelicitous dalliance with the Blob”.

It’s weird that someone with such an eloquent turn of phrase can struggle so much with more basic language. At one editorial conference at the Mail, Dacre was totally stumped by a reference in one feature about cleaning materials to ‘Toilet Duck’.

“What’s a bloody toilet duck?” he asked. Bemused execs told him that, you know, it’s, er, Toilet Duck – but it didn’t click. They went through a few rounds of “But what is it?”/”It’s… Toilet Duck” before Dacre had finally had enough.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he snarled. “No-one keeps a duck in their toilet.”

While Ted Verity takes over editorship of the Mail and the Mail On Sunday, the person this whole shake-up at Northcliffe House is thought to have revolved around is Martin Clarke: the MailOnline supremo.

We mentioned on Thursday that Lord Rothermere was looking for someone more in the mould of Dacre to take charge, and he’s definitely got that in Martin Clarke. Dacre became famous around Fleet Street for what have become known as his “double cuntings” – the extremely profane orders he’d bark at underlings. Clarke is more than able to match that standard. Hell, he may even be able to top it.

On one memorable occasion, he was heard screaming at a news editor who dared to suggest that Clarke was perhaps being a little unreasonable: “STOP TALKING FUCKING CUNTISH, YOU CUNT!”

NB writes:
“Your story of Emma Bunton thinking every ‘STING’ in the Children In Need script was an appearance by the singer [rather than just a cue for a Pudsey animation] reminded me of an experience with ‘The Babe Team’ back in the early 2000s.

“Babe Team was a ‘supergroup’ of twelve Page 3 girls, and I once directed them on a kids’ show to promote their new single. Part of the format of the show was that the girls would pose a question to the audience before the ad break, then reveal the answer after.

“I thought we’d explained it all clearly enough, and we managed to record the question part without any issue. But when the girls were told it was time to shoot the reveal, two of them began removing their T-shirts. They had to be hurriedly stopped and it was explained again this was for children’s telly and it wasn’t that kind of ‘reveal’.

An Australian journalist has apologised today for causing an exclusive Adele interview to get get canned after missing an important email. The email contained a preview link to her new album, which he didn’t listen to ahead of their chat. He admitted as much in the interview and now Sony is refusing to release the footage, leaving the whole of Australia in the lurch…

So this week, we’re curious to know: What is the most embarrassing thing to have happened to you while interviewing a celebrity – and what was the fallout?

Send your horror stories to club@popbitch.com.

Last week, we mentioned the time Flavor Flav called Lionel Blair out on stage for his involvement in the invasion of Iraq. Getting constantly confused with Tony Blair must have become much less fun post-2003, but it wasn’t always so bad.

At the height of Tony Blair’s ascent, everyone at the BBC was clamouring to secure an interview with him. One day, when a BBC receptionist innocently put out a message over the tannoy, announcing to the entire newsroom that there was a Mr Blair in reception, asking whoever was expecting to come get him, it prompted an almighty stampede. Many of the BBC’s heaviest hitters, along with an army of their producers and editors, all started elbowing each other out of the way to get to the front desk and claim him for their own.

Lionel was very flattered by all the attention, but he wasn’t entirely sure why quite so many famous faces seemed so keen to walk him through to the studio for his slot on daytime TV.

AO writes:
“I was at that Public Enemy gig in Edinburgh and can confirm that the story about Flavor Flav confusing Lionel Blair and Tony Blair is 100% true. I remember that night well.

“In order to get a cheap pop from the locals, Flavor Flav came onstage in the most hideously garish yellow kilt imaginable. It worked, briefly, until someone near me yelled out “Are you a true Scotsman?” To answer the question, Flav lifted his kilt to reveal he was wearing a pair of pristine white boxers underneath. The crowd replied with some lighthearted, but loud, booing.

“Flav’s response was twofold. Firstly, he yelled something into the mic about how he was disappointed to get booed when he was up there ‘representing’ the people. Secondly, he whipped off the boxers, threw them aside, lifted his kilt, and thrust his hips around as if to say ‘Here you go then, this is what you wanted’.”

Another week, another fifty tracks all cracked up and jammed back together to make five, 3-minute quizzes to test the breadth of your musical knowledge. Be warned: it features some truly awful novelty covers.

This week’s themes are:

Mon/ I’m A Celebrity…

Tue/ …Get Me Out Of Here

Wed/ TikTok

Thu/ Thanksgiving

Fri/ Rears Of The Years

[You can play them here]

Interview with William Orbit, ft. a short story about walking in on Madonna taking a shit
[Read on The Guardian]

Maxwell’s got a new single out…
[Listen on Spotify]

How big are Clifford The Big Red Dog’s droppings?
[MEL does the maths]

Guests stars on Curb Your Enthusiasm talk about their experience
[Read on The Ringer]