The Second Serve: LLQJ

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“I know too much, man” – Quincy Jones

A second serving of scandal and slander Subscribe
Email stories: club@popbitch.com  #145 04/11/24

* Club Trumpicana
* Kenny, the Original G
* PLUS: Sex with a collie

>> LLQJ <<

The good, the bad, and the Quincy

With the US Election looming, we’re coming to you with a special US politics themed Second Serve this week.
But it would be remiss of us not to begin with a dedication to one of the best, best loved and biggest Popbitch heroes of all: Quincy Jones.
We hope Q got his vote in early, as he was no fan of Donald Trump’s presidential bid, saying back in Trump’s first term “I used to hang out with him. He’s a crazy motherfucker. Limited mentally — a megalomaniac, narcissistic. I can’t stand him”.
Never once to mince his words, we’ll also remember Quincy through this story sent in by a PB reader some years ago.
J writes: “This one requires a man’s jacket as a prop. You take the jacket off, stuff one sleeve down your trousers and then, holding the jacket by its shoulders, ask: ‘What’s this?’
“Answer: Michael Jackson helping a little boy get his coat on.
“Who told me that joke? Quincy Jones.”

Quincy Jones’s daughters were the ones who came up with his nickname, LLQJ – Loose Lips Quincy Jones, because he was so indiscreet and such an incorrigible gossip.

>> Club Trumpicana <<

Don Jr, the Zodiac killjoy

Donald Trump Junior is at his best hiding behind Daddy, and whenever he’s far away from The Donald Sr, things don’t go quite as well for him. Sad!
Once when he visited Oxford, Little Donald decided he wanted to go to the Zodiac club. First he sent people in to check he could come in. Then he sent more people to sweep the venue before he finally turned up himself, surrounded by security.
Once finally inside, Don Jr headed straight for the “VIP” section but was so terrified of the people in there, and the general debauchery, that he turned round and walked straight out on his lime green heels.
Chelsea Clinton, on the other hand, used to go to the Disque Vogue night at the same club and happily dance the night away. (You could always tell where she was on the dancefloor due to the two large security men who would stand motionless on either side of her.

Podcaster Joey Mannarino is so convinced Kamala Harris won’t win Iowa that he says he will castrate himself live on camera if she does. Whatever happened to eating your hat?

>> Westwood, huh? <<

Getting loose with Ivanka

Nowadays she’s an accomplished businesswoman and occasional threat to global security, but before that Ivanka Trump had more modest teenage ambitions of becoming a fashion model.
Thanks to her family connections, she was seen for a number of jobs in the late 90s and became a bit of a favourite of Vivienne Westwood. Westwood’s team used to make a point of letting their models pick the music they wanted on in the studio as a way of helping them relax and feel comfortable on a shoot.
Ivanka’s choice of music, every single time? Jamiroquai.

Donald’s first wife Ivana was once famously quoted in the New York Times as saying she bought 6,000 bras every six months from Bloomingdales. A claim that sounds perfectly Trumpish – but she actually said ‘six dozen’. The reporter just struggled with her Czech accent.

>>  Post disorder <<

Another bite at the Big Apple

Kamala Harris has failed to feature much in Popbitch up until now. So far, just as collateral damage to a run-of-the-mill tabloid scandal when she was a pretty unheralded Vice President.
Hoping to capitalise on her unpopularity with conservatives, the Murdoch owned New York Post published a cover story, under the headline “Kam On In”, claiming that migrant children in the US were being given welcome packs that contained copies of Kamala’s children’s book. Only it wasn’t true. The reporter bylined on it publicly quit, citing pressure from above. The new editor at the time, who received most of the opprobrium, had just been shipped over from The Sun.
And yet in a nice quirk of fate, both editor and story subject have seen their fortunes take an upturn this year. While Kamala got the unexpected call to stand for the Presidency, that new editor – Keith Poole – is now Editor-in-Chief of the New York Post Group, and last month New York Magazine featured Keith as one of their “future of media” stars.

Republicans are having fun with the fact that ‘Harris Walz’ is almost, but not quite, an anagram of ‘Sharia Law’. Incidentally, ‘Trump Vance’ actually is an anagram of ‘Cunt Revamp’.

>> Shaggy dog story <<

HRC: America’s Debbie McGee

Nobody seems to hate the campaign trail more than Melania Trump. But First Ladies, after all, rarely have a good time.
Back when she was Bill’s, Hillary Clinton found herself particularly upset at one magazine’s allegations that she’d had sex with a colleague.
Usually cool, calm and collected Hillary burst into tears when a staffer read the article aloud in her office, despairing that the press thought she was capable of doing something so disgusting.
The staffer wasn’t expecting such a strong response to what was a fairly tepid rumour – but it turns out that Hillary had misheard.
She thought the magazine said she’d had sex with a Collie.

According to Paul Burrell, the Queen once described an expensive vase given to her by the Clintons as “a piece of useless crap”, which she then gave to a manservant.

 

>> Original G <<

Kenny’s a badass

Whoever gets inaugurated in January, we don’t expect the event to be as fun for participants as it was back in the 90s.
Back when Kenny G appeared at Bill Clinton’s inauguration in 1993 things were a little more rock’n’roll.
During some downtime between the inauguration and the ball that evening, the Secret Service guys charged with looking after Ken invited him to visit the FBI building to “shoot some guns”.
Kenny enthusiastically accepted. He said the high point was shooting a 1930s Tommy Gun complete with 50-round drum magazine.
Yeah. Don’t fuck with Kenny G.

Both potential POTUS Donald Trump and current POTUS Joe Biden are older than the invention of the frisbee.

>> Popbits <<

This week’s audio ideas

Famous Campaign Songs
[From USA Today]
ACLU’s Election Day Tunes
[Possibly the worst playlist ever]
And, if you listen to just one Quincy Jones album
[The Dude]

What’s the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? Donald Trump never paid to have a garbanzo bean on his face.

>> Hmmms <<

A few quick things

From the archives: A batshit conversation with Quincy Jones
[Read on Vulture]
Donald Trump accidentally started a ‘dance party with Beyonce’ TikTok trend
[Read on Tribune]
Inside the ruthless final days of the Trump campaign
[Read on The Atlantic]

Thanks to: RL, J

Old Jokes Home

Q: Why can’t Donald Trump be hanged for treason?
A: Fake noose.

Fancy Another?