Out Of The Fire

“I don’t want to be the elephant in the room any more” – Phillip Schofield

It can be a tough life being a runner in TV. Constantly on-hand, made to do grunt work, occasionally getting tangled in national tabloid scandals, etc – but it isn’t without the odd perk here and there.

For instance, one runner working on Sky’s coverage of the Academy Awards last weekend found himself in a lift at the Roosevelt Hotel shortly after the ceremony, sharing it with none other than Renee Zellweger and her new friend, Oscar.

When the doors closed, Renee offered him the award to hold and suggested that the two of them take a picture together.

Bless.

It’s reshuffle day in Parliament, so government ministers are all on tenterhooks wondering if they’re going to be turfed out of their offices and installed somewhere else.

One man who’s always ready at a moment’s notice to pick up his chair and switch offices is the current Health Secretary, Matt Hancock. That’s because, while everyone else in the department is happy to use standard office furniture, Matt has his own special chair that he likes to use instead.

A movie director’s one, with the word “HANCOCK” written across the back of it.

Which multimillion selling pop star has a room in his house where the floor has been replaced with wall-to-wall mattress so that the whole thing is now dedicated exclusively to shagging?

Whatever his reasons for doing so, we have to admit that Phillip Schofield’s decision to drop his coming out statement like a new Beyoncé album was pretty slick. That he managed to time it ten minutes after we’d sent out last week’s Popbitch was an especially neat touch too.

There’s been a lot of speculation swirling in the week since – so if you’re wondering why the press reporting hasn’t quite matched up with whatever you may have read on social media, rest assured that it’s less to do with any rumour of shadowy superinjunctions and probably more to do with the IPSO warning that was sent out to newsdesks this week reminding them of the Editors’ Code of Practice and its stance on privacy and harassment.

Whether or not the papers are going to play ball in that regard, we’ll no doubt find out in due course. All we’ll say is that if Schofe truly meant it when he said there was nothing forcing his hand to come out, then good for him.

Because, historically, that’s rarely turned out to be the case whenever ITV’s other primetime stars have suddenly felt an urge to give highly personal tell-all exclusives to the Sun on Sunday…

Hopefully Schofe’s big revelation on Friday hasn’t caused any awkwardness between him and This Morning editor Martin Frizell.

Back when he was at GMTV, Frizell once found himself reported to HR after an editorial meeting in which his primary contribution to a discussion about a story under consideration was: “I don’t understand gays. I really don’t.”

The next meeting was no less awkward. Frizell used it as a chance to address the situation – by sarcastically thanking whoever it was that dobbed him in.

Among the runners and riders for the position of BBC Director General is Kamal Ahmed, BBC News’s current editorial director.

Kamal is certainly very passionate about his, ahem… output. At a recent editorial conference, he was so enthused by one of the stories they had chalked up for the following day he was heard telling colleagues “That’s such a good story I want to cum in my pants!”

The mention of Cleo Rocos as a generous pizza provider in last week’s issue prompted a few of you to get in touch with other stories of her legendary party etiquette.

Cleo arrived at a friend’s party recently with a bottle of her own brand of tequila, Aqua Riva. She brought it in one of those fancy gift bags you get for bottles, which made it look like it was a nice birthday gift for the host. However, it soon became apparent that this was actually her own personal supply and the gift bag was really only for show.

A much more elegant alternative to the traditional brown paper one, don’t you think?

This week, our 20th anniversary stroll down memory lane takes us to 2003, with some old favourites including:
* The pubic stylings of the celebrity set!
* Low-key caning with the Bee Gees!
* Keith Allen and Damien Hirst’s Soho art swindle!
* Ian McKellen’s favourite old joke!

[…and much, much more]

Tickets for Grace Jones’s Meltdown Festival go on sale tomorrow and the line-up looks amazing – but we’re mainly excited to see what Grace has in store herself. She’s always been good with a big surprise.

At Jade Jagger’s birthday in a bar in Mayfair in 2003, Ms Jones turned up and immediately made her way to the toilets. She was in the cubicle for ages before she eventually burst out, executing some full-body karate moves and announcing loudly in a fake German accent:

“HERE IZ ZE COCAINE AUTOBAHN!”

As it’s Valentine’s Day tomorrow, this old chestnut never fails to make us smile. (The story’s pretty funny too…)

After a successful day’s work in the studio, Tom Jones very generously took his band out for a celebratory dinner. When the meal was over, Tom announced to his companions, “After dinner I always like to have the four Cs”.

The band didn’t know what he meant, so Tom went on to explain what they were.

“Champagne, cigars, cognac and cunt.”

The hidden story of Who Let The Dogs Out is amazing
[Listen on 99% Invisible]

There’s a huge ongoing project to save old web games and animations from obscurity
[Preserve internet history!]

Gillian Anderson doing ASMR
[Watch on YouTube]

Local News Of The Week: Surprise Badger edition
[Read on the Northampton Chronicle & Echo]

More on Donald Trump’s badger obssession
[Business Insider]

Hello! My name is…
What? My name is…
Who? My name is…
[“…Inigo Montoya”]

Another week, another huge AirBnB scam
[Read on Wired]

Would you like someone to read you a story? Author Andrew Shanahan is booking in free 10 minute appointments to read to strangers down the phone.
[Book yourself a spot]