Pants Dance Revolution

It’s a shame that Dominic Cummings’ masterplan of actively encouraging weirdos to apply for government jobs (rather than just letting them gravitate towards them as normal) didn’t work out. Still, it’s not as if this was the first promotion that ever ended in embarrassment for amateur eugenicist Andrew Sabisky.

When Sabisky first got involved with the Agitprop Allstars’ theatrical production “The United Kingdom Of Earth: A Brexit Opera” he started out as a volunteer programme seller.

By the time the curtain went up though, he’d been promoted to the cast. As one of the go-go boys dancing next to the Queen in a pair of lacy underpants.

[About 32 mins in…]

In an attempt to promote his debut drive-time show on TalkRadio on Monday, a few teaser lines from an interview that Dan Wootton conducted with Simon Cowell about Phillip Schofield trailed ahead of broadcast.

Showbiz desks were keen to run their own versions of the soundbites to capitalise on the current wave of Schofield SEO, but for some reason no-one could quite get the story straight.

The Metro said Cowell had spoken to the Mirror.
The Mirror said Cowell had talked to the Sun.
Yahoo said the interview was on Sunday, when it was actually broadcast on Monday (with a disclaimer that it had been pre-recorded the week prior).
It was only the Sun that ended up mentioning Dan and his TalkRadio show by name.

What a mess his competitors managed to make of it! It’ll be a miracle if anyone knew to tune in to the show at all…

Which pop star has a questionable farewell routine whenever he drops a lady home of an evening? First, he’ll gallantly ask if he can give her a goodnight kiss. If she agrees, he’ll then drop to his knees and – somewhat less gallantly – try to plant that kiss on her lower set of lips.

Look, we understand that Eurovision isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. We know even fewer of you will be arsed about the national heats leading up to the main event. But if Popbitch doesn’t champion oddball Icelandic indie-disco whenever it’s having a moment, then what are we here for?

Dadi Freyr is in with a shot of representing Iceland this year, and his band’s goofy synth-play and Napoleon Dynamite dance moves are just the tonic for these unrelentingly grim times.

[Listen on YouTube]

FYI: Don’t just take our word for it either, Russell Crowe approves of the song too.

Last week we reminded you of Grace Jones encouraging fellow revellers to join her on “ZE COCAINE AUTOBAHN” – but it turns out that isn’t the only international motorway Grace has gakked on.

A few years back, Ms Jones was hired to play a gig in Moscow to promote a vodka company out there. A brand manager was dispatched to collect her from the airport in the company’s luxury car and present her with a bottle of said vodka as a gift.

Grace wasted no time in cracking it open and swigging straight from the bottle, while also getting stuck into some other treats she’d brought along for the ride too. She was having a grand old time in the backseat – until they hit rush hour and came to a standstill.

That was when a notably energised Grace decided she’d like to stretch her legs a bit, so bounced out of the car to run up and down the four-lane motorway, all the while yelling at the Moscow traffic.

Given the fanfare that surrounded Prince Andrew’s 60th birthday this week, you may have felt that the supposed plans for a “slimmed down” royal family are nothing but hot air. But you’ll be pleased to know that not all of Charles’s brothers are resisting the slide into a more economical existence.

Prince Edward, for example, was spotted deftly working his way round an all-you-can-eat “Tastes Of The World” buffet recently – filling his plate entirely without a flunky in sight.

Progress. Of sorts.

Reasons for missing your Radio 1 Breakfast Show 2020: Taking part in an elaborate (and clearly stage-managed) ‘kidnap’ stunt, precision-engineered to go viral in much the same way it did last year, professing to know nothing about what has just happened to you – even though you’ve got a working phone and the padlock that’s supposedly keeping you captive is somehow on your side of the door.

Reasons for missing your Radio 1 Breakfast Show 1998: Staying out all night at Manumission in Ibiza, dropping liquid acid into your eyes and getting frisky with a strap-on.

And Lisa I’Anson is the one they chose to let go…

This week’s trip back in time takes us to 2004, where we’ve rounded up another batch of stories, facts and trivia from the year that:
* Rebecca Loos tugged off a pig
* Vanilla Ice’s zoo got loose
* 150 bras got thrown at Nickelback
* Charlie Busted went all Fightstar

Plus: we cover P Diddy per diems, Missy Elliott’s blingmen, Pet Shop presents, Russian Playgirl and Andrea Corr’s party playlists…

[Read it here]

As press intrusion is the week’s big topic, here’s a little trick that Will Young once used to disperse a gaggle of unwanted paps.

While giving an interview in 2004, Will became aware that a mob of photographers had been tipped off to his whereabouts and were waiting outside the building, all clamouring to get a shot.

He knew he wouldn’t be able to wait them out and he didn’t want to face them, so his press officer struck upon a plan. They phoned the police, claiming that they’d seen a group of men in the area “taking photographs of children in the park opposite”.

The paps were promptly moved on.

The strangest celebrity beef of 2004? Emma Bunton and Katie Price: a tiff that might never even have come to light had it not been for Baby’s bad eyesight.

When Emma was in the Top of the Pops studio to record her version of Crickets Sing For Anamaria, she made an assistant go out and check that Jordan (as she was better known back then) had left the studio before she’d take to the stage.

The assistant was puzzled, telling Emma that Jordan wasn’t anywhere near the studio. Emma insisted that she was though, pointing that she could see Jordan “right over there”.

TOTP staff had to explain to her that she was looking at a 6ft cardboard cutout.

More research into pop music getting sadder
[Read about it here]

Back To The Future with Robert Downey Jr and Tom Holland
[Deepfake of the week]

Rupert Murdoch’s been trying to argue that no-one listens to his radio station to wriggle out of fines
[Read on the Guardian]

Andrew Weatherall’s Essential Mix
[Hear on Resident Advisor]

Worried your Coronavirus mask will prevent you from unlocking your phone?
[Get a mask with your face printed on it]

Meet the men still getting their knobs out on Omegle
[Read on MEL]

Want to turn your legs to jelly? This archive footage of construction workers at the top of the Chrysler building in 1929 ought to do it…
[See on Digg]

The MAGA pigeons of Vegas
[See on Washington Post]

Still Bored?
This AI will write you song lyrics on whatever topic you want, in whatever genre you choose
[Churn out a hit here]