Syco Drama

Khloe Kardashian has spent a fruitless week trying to get an unfiltered photo of herself expunged from the internet – accidentally making herself the subject of a massive, days-long tabloid story in the process.

A cynic might think this was some sort of planned publicity stunt, but she’s actually gone to some pretty serious lengths to shut it all down. The law firm she hired to crack skulls on her behalf? Notorious Hollywood pitbulls, Lavely & Singer.

It’s nice to see Marty “Mad Dog” Singer picking up some work again. There was a time in the 90s and 00s when he was a real force to be reckoned with; the go-to guy for any A-lister with an axe to grind. But things had gone and got a bit quiet in recent years.

Weirdly, it happened shortly after he went all-out to defend his last major client… Bill Cosby.

With DMX’s prognosis looking grim, people have been readying their tributes to him and his storied career. One of the things he’s less well known for – but that we love – was unwittingly being the cause of one of Naomi Campbell’s classic anger management ‘incidents’.

Campbell was starring in a production of the Vagina Monologues in California when she learned that DMX and his entourage were staying in the same hotel. Campbell’s new PA decided she’d try to plonk herself in the boss’s good books by getting the famous rapper to attend the show. So she persuaded the DMX crew to come, delivering them all guest passes – only for them to no-show and leave an embarrassing row of empty seats.

An irate Naomi found out what happened and was raging on the phone to a friend about it after the show when the assistant responsible walked in. Campbell dealt with it the only way she knew how back then: by throwing her phone.

It was a shocking outburst – but the tension that filled the room was soon broken by a disembodied voice coming from the corner of the room, as the friend on the other end of the line was heard awkwardly asking “Er, Naomi? Hello…? Is anyone there…?”

Which cabinet minister is going to regret bigging up their close ties to local business if it ever emerges that one of their main poster boys did time in the 80s for tax avoidance?

There was little doubt after everyone read his daily routine in the papers last month but, sadly, it looks like Orlando Bloom has a terminal case of LA brain.

Whenever Orlando films in London, he insists his coffee come from one particular branch of Starbucks because he thinks that branch does the best coffee and maintains that he can tell the difference.

Even if it’s an hour away across town, he will send a runner off with a thermos and strict instructions to visit that branch. Of course, the runner usually just goes to the closest one and then pisses about for an hour before returning to set – and Orlando can never tell.

It seems not everyone is excited for the next round of social restrictions to be lifted on April 12th. Faced with the prospect of Soho Farmhouse reopening, many of the road signs that once directed celebs through West Oxfordshire to their favoured country retreat have been vandalised by locals, taken down or turned to face in other directions where possible.

In some cases, the name ‘Soho Farmhouse’ has been painted over in white paint on signs like giant Tippex.

A lovely welcome back for the showbiz set.

While most other outlets have filed a few words on it, we’ve yet to see the Evening Standard write up a story on George Osborne getting engaged to his pregnant partner, Thea Rogers. Strange. You’d think, as its former editor, the Standard would be more interested in it than most.

Why no story? On the day it was announced that Emily Sheffield would be taking over from George as editor, the pair seemed close. In fact, as those who had the misfortune to see them grinding up on each other to Madonna’s Into The Groove at Chiltern Firehouse that night, they were practically welded at the hips.

Who knows? Maybe Emily simply couldn’t spare the space to congratulate the happy couple. After all, it was a busy news day. They only just managed to squeeze a story about the financial woes of Deliveroo on to the front page. A company whose Chief Customer Officer just so happens to be… Thea Rogers!

X Factor alumni like Jedward, Rebecca Ferguson and Cher Lloyd have been very active on social media this week, telling all about the poisoned chalice of finding fame through talent shows.

This Syco drama has come as very unwelcome news for the label’s then-parent company, Sony. Having to neutralise X Factor fallout is a headache they could really do without right now, as they’ve been bracing themselves for another potential scandal breaking.

At least one broadsheet has been sniffing around the story of one of their female execs bullying a colleague out of the company. Not only is the exec in question said to have admitted the charge internally, but the victim now runs their own highly-respected agency, so they’re very well placed to add their voice to this current chorus of disapproval – if it keeps on singing.

As well as resuscitating RadarOnline (the pop culture outlet previously bankrolled by such luminary sex criminals as Harvey Weinstein and Jeffrey Epstein) Dylan ‘Dyldo’ Howard has also announced he’s starting a brand new digital publication: “The Royal Observer” – billed as being a “trusted source of news on the royals”.

Of course! Who better to launch a Royal news site than the man who once opened a National Enquirer theme park that featured among its ‘attractions’ a Princess Diana Car Crash Simulator?

And here was us thinking Harry and Meghan moving to the States to escape the press was a doomed idea.

Good news for anyone who’s ever wanted to taste the inside of J.Lo’s arse. InStyle’s latest profile of Jen has the whole thing on a platter – and we haven’t seen a celebrity colon get worked over this hard since Richard Gere.

We’re keen to know if there’s ever been a more sycophantic celebrity profile than this one, in which a cast of Jen’s famous friends – from Michelle Obama to Ben Affleck, Donatella Versace to Fat Joe – queue up to deliver sickly-sweet tributes, to which Jen is given the chance to respond: “Hmmm, yes. I agree.”

Props to whichever PR managed to pull this off, and get well soon to anyone who reads beyond the standfirst.

[Read on InStyle]

Thank you to the hundreds of readers who emailed last weekend to inform us that John Entwistle died in 2002 and therefore couldn’t possibly be selling his collection of fibreglass fish in 2021. To set your minds at ease, we weren’t trying to pull some sort of weird April Fools’ joke. We were just typing a load of old shit.

John Entwistle, of course, died one of the most admirable Popbitch deaths in history: having a coke-induced heart attack after shagging a stripper in Vegas.

However, his collection of giant fibreglass fish is genuinely being sold next week (it’s just not him, personally, that’s selling it). So please don’t miss out on picking up a celebrity Bluefin Tuna or King Mackerel because we don’t know how to write properly.

[Who fish! Get your Who fish here!]

A 90s Soviet TV version of Lord Of The Rings
[Watch on YouTube]

Space Jam x Hamilton mash-up
[Listen to Slamilton]

The icky roots of the Matt Gaetz story
[Read on Slate]

For April Fools Day, the Metal Archives replaced every single band picture on their extensive database with a goth/metal cat. It went down so well, they’ve kept a permanent archived version.
[See the Cats Of Metal]

Nice interview with reclusive bass legend Pino Palladino
[Read on The Guardian]

JOB VACANCY: US based sports / gaming journalists or PRs – looking for a new challenge? Email advertising@popbitch.com with a few details and we’ll fill you in.

Big Hollywood Reporter story on Scott Rudin
[Read on THR]

What would Manchester Pride look like if your Spotify was booking the acts?
[Take a look]

How is Trump filling his days now?
[Read on Trashberg]

Still Bored?
With beer gardens opening on Monday, it won’t be long before you can enjoy a proper pub quiz again. In the meantime, sort out your own with our Popbitch Popquiz quiz sets. Perfect for a beer garden, for home, for Zoom – for anywhere really…
[Take a look here]