The Daily Tonic: Lord Small Willy

Even when Diana Ross’s demands are small and simple, they still somehow manage to be extremely Diana Ross.

Many years ago, a music magazine landed an exclusive photoshoot with the woman in question. After the shoot, Miss Ross insisted on staying on while the negatives were developed and a contact sheet hurriedly printed.

Despite not being a regular smoker, she asked the editor if she could have a cigarette. Fag in hand, she carefully inspected every contact and, if she wasn’t happy with it, burned a neat little hole right through the negative.

Remember Dylan Howard? The former Editor-In-Chief of the National Enquirer who managed to get himself wrapped up in three massive scandals on the hop – from Donald Trump’s hush money, to Harvey Weinstein’s catch-and-kills, to Jeff Bezos’s dick pics?

Dyldo is currently doing the rounds to promote his new book on ‘Megxit’. One of the stops on his list was an Australian breakfast show: Channel 7’s Sunrise.

An Aussie himself, Dylan is no stranger to Channel 7. In fact, it’s the same station that fired him just before he fled to the US in 2009 after he caused a huge legal shitstorm there by purchasing what transpired to be stolen medical records and broadcasting confidential details of their contents on air.

They were kind enough not to mention that in the interview though.

As the Queen’s birthday honours have been pushed back to the autumn this year, we’ve got a bit of extra time to make the case for someone whose contributions to our national standing might otherwise go overlooked.

Today’s Question: Who should Popbitch put forward for a knight/damehood – and why?

Send us your celebrity KBE nominations and we’ll honour you in return with a PGB (Popbitch Goody Bag) – hello@popbitch.com

NW writes:
“I was staying at the Lowry Hotel in Manchester eight years ago when the Stone Roses did their reunion gigs at Heaton Park. Was about three in the morning as I was heading up to my room, and got chatting to a bloke in the lift.

“I asked him what he thought of the gig and he said, ‘I’ve come from New York to see them.’ I was like, ‘Yeah, I came all the way from Sydney, wouldn’t have missed it for the world.’

“He said he’d played in Sydney a few times and reeled off a load of gig venues, so I was like, ‘Ah yes, I know them. Which band are you in?’ and he said, ‘Mark Ronson’s.’ I was like, ‘Fab, what do you play?’

“And he goes, ‘I am Mark Ronson.'”

First we tried to write stories that would amuse readers under lockdown in Leicester. Then we tried to writes stories that would amuse readers under lockdown in Wales. Now we can kill two birds with one stone.

The Leicestershire Police & Crime Commissioner speaking out about the “minimal guidance” the government has given them about the conditions of their local lockdown is called Lord Willy Bach.

Which, in Welsh, translates as “Lord Small Willy”.

Today’s daily quiz is themed. For the 101st edition, we’ve picked ten things that were chosen by various celebrities to enter Room 101 – from across the Nick Hancock, Paul Merton and Frank Skinner series – and put them all into a two-and-a-half minute audio round.

You get a point for every song you can name and a point for every artist you hear performing it.

[Best of luck!]

The inside story of how the National Enquirer got Jeff Bezos’s nudes
[Read on the Daily Beast]

Why do we all knock on doors the same way?
[A musical explainer]

18th century gin vending machines are coming back
[Read on York Press]