The Daily Tonic: My Gummy Valentine

Prince Andrew’s Newsnight interview showed exactly what a prickly little arsehole he’s capable of being, but just in case it was in any doubt…

On a visit to New Zealand back in the late 90s, Andy stopped off at the Gulf Harbour Country Club to wangle himself a free game of golf. Unfortunately, it didn’t go too well for him as he was soundly thrashed by one of the local teens playing there.

Rather than graciously accept defeat to the youngster, Andy went on a tear in the clubhouse where he told the gathered members that theirs was the worst designed course he had ever played in his life. At first the bigwigs laughed nervously thinking he was just being jovial, but their smiles soon turned to frowns as his speech went on – criticising everything from the greens and position of the pins to the design of the course, even blaming the “offshore wind” at one point, saying the course designers “should have borne that in mind”.

Still, at least there’s some proof that he doesn’t always enjoy the company of teenagers.

Sharon Osbourne is well known for the inventively disgusting attacks that she launches on people who displease her. Her pissing-in-the-Jack-Daniels-bottle routine is legendary. Her shitting-in-a-briefcase one likewise. But here’s another that’s so far gone underreported.

Someone who worked for Sharon Osbourne’s lawyers once received a mystery package in the post from the woman herself. Upon opening it they found it contained a single, unwrapped wine gum. When they asked their colleagues if they knew what it was about, they very quickly warned against eating it.

Apparently Sharon had a thing for sticking wine gums up inside her, then posting them to people for kicks. Something one former employee had discovered a little too late…

Sajid Javid may have found it “incredibly rude” that Hugh Grant refused to shake his hand at the premiere of The Irishman, but if you ask us Saj had a lucky escape.

When Hugh stands at the urinal, he doesn’t just use a simple finger and thumb to point his pecker at the porcelain. According to those who have shared the space with him, Hugh likes to pop out his entire packet – balls and all – and cradle the whole lot in his hand like a guinea pig while he wees.

There aren’t many playwrights working today that the public would recognise. Phoebe Waller-Bridge is one of them. Martin McDonagh? Not so much…

The pair of them were on a flight together when a stranger who recognised PWB popped over to say how much they loved her and her work, before clocking McDonagh and saying “Oh, wait. You’re famous too, aren’t you?”

McDonagh told them that he sort of was, before the stranger started gushing over him too, saying “I can’t believe it’s you! Are you two a couple? Oh my god!”

It quickly became clear that the stranger had mistaken him for someone else but, to his credit, McDonagh played along rather than correct them – and ended things by telling them “I’m glad you like my music so much.”

Turns out they thought he was Sting.

“Adolf Hitler, like every other healthy baby, once googled and gaggled and started to smile and wave his little chubby fist and everything in exactly the way that my beautiful grandchildren do” – Richard Madeley

“People thought it would be uncool to be married, and then I got married and people thought ‘Oh, that looks cool'” – Kanye West

“We think we need to send the Houses of Parliament some Lighthouse Family CDs so they can chill the fuck out” – Lighthouse Family

“Brexit: it goes on and on without end” – Shamima Begum

Here are ten songs that were Top Ten hits in the UK charts last year, all trimmed and tacked together into one track. You get roughly 10-15 seconds of each and all you need to do is identify what the song is and which artist(s) recorded it.

As collaborations and remixes are so popular these days, we should say you only need the lead artist and the song’s main title to get the point – but if you run the board with all the details, you get extra bragging rights.

[Play it here]

Videos of bats upside down look like a goth nightclub
[Watch video]

Too many otters?
[Surely there’s no such thing?]

If you want a long read for the weekend, last year we wrote one on the pop culture magazine that Harvey Weinstein, Jeffrey Epstein and a rag tag bunch of sketchy billionaires all tried to bankroll…
[Read on Popbitch]