The Daily Tonic: Sniffy Pudding

Mark Ronson was hired to play at Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ wedding in 2006. Ronson has since apologised to the no-longer-happy couple for getting so smashed that he puked everywhere, but not all his drunken mischief-making required an apology.

Ronson decided to play Berlin’s Take My Breath Away, the big hit from Top Gun, as part of his set that night. Far from being annoyed at it, Cruise gamely pushed through the dance-floor to the DJ booth, laughingly made shooting gestures with his index fingers at Ronson, then danced away again happily.

FYI: Guests reported that Cruise and Holmes’ kiss at the wedding lasted three minutes.

It’s often said that “Don’t you know who I am?” is the most desperate and pitiful thing you can hear a celebrity say – but that’s not strictly true.

Peaches Geldof managed something infinitely sadder when she was spotted trying (and failing) to get into the band area of Ibiza Rocks VIP section in 2006.

She was heard pleading with security “But Leslie Ash is in there!”

We were blessed with one of the all-time great publicist statements in 2006, thanks to Paris Hilton’s PR Elliot Mintz. When asked about the white substance that was spotted around Paris’s nostrils when leaving a New York restaurant, Mintz had this to say:

“I can tell you Paris does not use narcotics. I would imagine it’s something like whipped cream or a sugary substance from dessert. Something that naturally might have found its way onto her face if she touched her nose or whatever.”

Before landing the killer line…

“I’d label it a ‘stray dessert’.”

Journalists wining and dining Neo-Nazis for a story seems like a very 2020 trend, but it’s really nothing new. One undercover reporter for a Sunday tabloid set out to do a big exposé on a British Neo-Nazi group in 2006 and managed to befriend some of them well enough to be invited out to the pub with them.

Unfortunately, his research got cut a little short. He was rumbled pretty quickly after he offered to get in the drinks… then asked the barman if he could get a receipt.

“I’m not a paedophile. I came to Cambodia because I read a book about the Mekong.” – Gary Glitter

“There’s no way to be closer to my mother except to live inside her, and I’ve done that already.” – Steven Spielberg

“I love to kiss with my eyes open, because I can take in the entire situation and know if I’m enjoying it or not.” – Jessica Simpson

“As meticulous as I am with my work, I’m even more meticulous with my lovemaking.” – P Diddy

“Liam Gallagher has the kind of eyes in which the pupils are half hidden under the eyelids, as if the eyes had stopped between floors. Spike Lee has similar eyes which I find attractive.” – Alan Bennett

There were some real gems littering up the UK Top Ten in 2006, so we’ve taken ten of them, cracked a few bits off and crunched them all together to see how many you remember.

There’s a point at stake for the artist you can hear, and another point if you can remember the title of the song too.

[Ten songs, twenty points]

Make Judi Dench, Danny DeVito, David Attenborough and others say whatever you want
[A celebrity type’n’talk]

Ben Fogle is selling off his clothes if you’ve ever considered him a style icon
[See on Marrkt]

We want finger-painted raccoon art
[See on Twitter]