The Fassbender Camouflage

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Dr Alex may not have found love in the Love Island villa, but he’s just signed up with a company that is all but guaranteed to find him a suitable mate. eHarmony? Bumble? Toffee?

Nope. Even better. James Grant Management.

James Grant Management is the talent agency best known for representing Ant and Dec. But as well as attending to all their professional needs, Dec also ended up marrying his manager there and Ant is currently dating his PA from the same company – so maybe there’s hope for Alex yet!

A few years ago, we told you that Simon Cowell’s company Syco was teaming up with policeman-turned-presenter Mark Williams-Thomas to produce a UK true crime series to rival Netflix’s hit, Making A Murderer. There’s certainly an interesting 10-part true crime documentary to be made – but we doubt it’s the story they’re thinking of.

Jonathan King’s latest trial collapsed this week, with the judge placing a lot of blame on the conduct of Surrey Police. Singled out for particular, excoriating scorn was former Surrey policeman… Mark Williams-Thomas.

The judge pointed out that in King’s first case (in 2001) MW-T was the officer assigned to take statements from the accusers. He then left the police force, but took the names and contact details of King’s accusers with him and tried to sell them to the media (a big no-no for police officers). Somehow, much of the info seemed to end up in the hands of… Max Clifford.

Meanwhile, Jonathan King was arrested and put up on a £150,000 bail. This meant he was unable to take up the offer to be a judge on ITV’s talent show, Popstars, so King recommended a then-unknown industry figure to take his place… Simon Cowell.

Cowell got a job on the franchise’s spin-off, Pop Idol (in 2001), partly as a result of King’s recommendation. Cowell didn’t need to do anything to thank King however, as he’d already chucked £50,000 in towards his bail.

And how did Cowell celebrate his newfound stardom? By hiring the PR services of… Max Clifford (who, you may remember, died three years into an eight year prison sentence for sexually assaulting women and girls).

There’s a load more to this story – so Netflix, if you’re reading, call us. We have your next hit right here.

The BBC is often accused of ageism, but which high-powered exec there celebrated the launch of a successful female-led sitcom by having sex with the show’s married, middle-aged leading lady in a sauna?

Bobby Brown always liked to position himself as a great romancer and consummate sexual professional in his songs, but someone who ran into him in the Park Lane hotel has a very different story to tell.

Rather than making eyes at her across the bar, or whispering sweet, sensual words into her ear, Bobby instead opted for a more direct approach: walking into the ladies’ toilets after her, dropping his trousers to his ankles and pulling his shirt up to his armpits – like a two year old learning to piss – and flashing her.

This mating act was quickly curtailed by his bodyguard, who barrelled into the room, mouthing “Are you OK?” to the woman who’d caught an unmistakable eyeful.

FWIW, she says it was ‘unremarkable’.

Eamonn Holmes may be in danger of getting the boot from talkRADIO, but he’s still extremely popular with the man on the street.

On a flight from Heathrow to Belfast a few weeks ago, Holmes was the talk of the aisles – chatting to fans, taking pictures and generally relishing the attention.

In all the commotion, no-one seemed to spot that genuine A-lister Michael Fassbender was also on the same flight, just two rows behind him. Holmes continued to cause such a stir in the arrivals area that Fassbender was also able to queue for a taxi completely undetected.

TalkSPORT must be delighted that it’s the start of the Premier League tomorrow, as they do seem to prefer covering football more than most other sports.

The station’s cricket editor Jon Norman went down under to cover the Ashes in Australia last winter but spent most of the time reporting it, not from iconic grounds like the MCG or the Waca, but from in and around his family home in New Zealand.

It doesn’t get much better when he’s back in this country either. When Pakistan were playing England at Lords earlier this summer, Norman was at Wembley watching Fulham play Aston Villa in the Championship play-offs.

If you ever spot Steve Aoki in the club and find yourself a little starstruck, don’t offer to buy him a drink whatever you do. Not unless you’re willing to pick up a pretty hefty tab.

Someone who recently made the offer for lack of anything else to say when they bumped into the millionaire star found themselves taking an order to buy vodka for Aoki’s entire table.

Every so often, we like to use our platform to sort out little bits of outstanding celebrity/civilian admin. This week, a reminder for Suki Waterhouse.

Suki, you once sublet an art studio in Stockwell. Your manager sorted it out with one of his mates. You were supposed to pay 75 quid per month but, as you never turned up, the other guy in the studio had to cover your share of the rent. He didn’t want to make a fuss month on month, but he always kept the space pristine for you – just in case you ever did make an appearance.

He found it a bit weird to pester your manager for the money, but we have no such qualms.

Suki, you owe him 300 quid.

Got any unfinished business with a celeb? hello@popbitch.com

We’ve been on a hiatus for a while, but we’re glad to announce that the Popbitch Popquiz is back in business.

Returning to the refurbished Smiths of Smithfield in Farringdon on Tuesday 4th Sept, we’ve got trivia, gossip, music and the filthiest arts and crafts round you’ll ever complete. The night is always a sell-out, so get your team signed up NOW.

[Book tickets on Popbitch]

FYI: If you run a venue outside of London – in the UK, or elsewhere – and want to host your own Popbitch Popquiz, drop us a line on quiz@popbitch.com and we can discuss EXCITING FRANCHISING OPPORTUNITIES!

Matt Damon and Ben Affleck are looking at making that McDonalds/Monopoly scam story into a movie
[See on Deadline]

Brian Harvey’s just taken delivery of a litter of puppies
[See on YouTube]

Self medicating with lemurs
[Read on New Scientist]

How Smash Hits was made
[Read on the Guardian]

Popbitch’s first office manager finished her PhD and left us – but happily for finer things. She’s just had a book published about why her late father and so many other people love Les Mis.
[Buy on Amazon]

Great, wide-ranging interview with Kathleen Turner, in which she also describes Donald Trump’s gross handshake
[Read on Vulture]

An incredible list of 70’s porn titles
[Read on Dangerous Minds]

The single worst version of Wonderwall you will ever hear
[Listen on Soundcloud]

Still Bored?
Next week, the newsletter will be celebrating Madonna’s 60th birthday, so if you have any extra special memories of Madge, gossip or anything else you’d like to share, send them over.
[Email Popbitch]