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Issue 841 – Electric Baboogaloo

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POPBITCH POPQUIZ - TUESDAY 8TH AUGUST. Join
us at Smiths of Smithfield for a summer
spectacular of trivia, music, arts, crafts
and the inevitable dance-off... Last tickets
available - £5 per person, teams max. six 
[Book tickets and reserve your table here] 
******************************


"I do not drink alcohol at all... I
can't even drink IPAs" – Aaron Carter  
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POPBITCH           _     _ _       _
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| '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_|         |_| 20.07.17 ISSUE 841
Free email every week
Subscribe http://eepurl.com/XSZoP
Email stories hello@popbitch.com
* Rob Goldstone's disappearing wart
* The return of Honey G
* Charts: DJ Khaled v Despacito for No.1
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     >> Theatre of Kate <<
     Commanding the stage

   A lot has been made of Paul Dacre's
   annual salary (£1.5m) in response to
   his paper's roasting of the BBC for
   the wages it pays its talent, but it's
   worth remembering that he's not the
   only breadwinner in the family.

   His wife, Professor Kathy Dacre, has
   been lecturing at some of London's most
   prestigious drama schools for decades
   now – though former students remember
   her better as "No Knickers Kathy",
   thanks to her reputation for going
   commando in classes.

------------------------------------
Richard Littlejohn gets about 10K a column
at the Daily Mail – so he's paid about the
same per year as Jeremy Vine.  
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     >> Dr Thirsty <<
     Booze and Charlie: a bad combo

   One of the big surprises on the BBC's
   salary list was that Derek Thompson
   (aka Charlie off of Casualty) gets
   paid £350K a year. They've always
   taken good care of him though.

   In the late 80s/early 90s, poor Derek
   felt he'd been so typecast on Casualty
   that he began to drink a bottle of
   whisky a day. So he was given a minder
   to keep him away from the stuff.

   Whether that cost's factored into
   his salary, we're not sure.

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MC Hammer's daughter works for AirBnb.
------------------------------------

     >> Big Questions <<
     Who's asking what this week?

   Which posh toff former Tory MP has
   a surprisingly punk rock safe word?
   When things are getting a little too
   rich for him, sexually speaking, he
   recites a line from a NOFX song to
   get his partner to stop.

------------------------------------
More celebrity toilet talk: Sir Tom Jones
takes his own commode on tour, as he
doesn't like to share.
------------------------------------

     >> La Isla Bearnita <<
     Grylls in the garden

   Such is his passion for nature, Bear
   Grylls has planted a number of exotic
   trees at the bottom of his garden to
   make a little tropical island hideaway
   on his grounds.

   And such is his dedication to making
   great television at an affordable
   price-point, he sometimes uses this
   little tropical island hideaway to
   film small segments for The Island.

------------------------------------
Nobody got the name of the deceased Tory
MP right last week – which is lucky,
as we didn't have any prizes for the
winners. Anyway: Sir Michael Grylls.
------------------------------------

     >> Class act <<
     Airing her differences

   After we heard the rumour that everyone
   has since heard, that Fiona Hill and
   Boris Johnson were getting rather close
   at work, we asked for a comment from
   someone close to Ms Hill. The comment
   we got? "For fuck's sake, no! She has
   more class than that!"

   Quite how much class she does have
   remains to be seen. Given that she
   once tried the Sharon-Stone-in-Basic-
   Instinct trick on a man in her office,
   we can't imagine it's much.
------------------------------------
Ex-colleagues of Fiona Hill say she's had a
well-known crush on Boris for over a decade
and "large Etonians" tend to be her type.
------------------------------------

     >> Arse of Gold <<
     Wart a carry on! 

   Now that he's a central character in one
   of the biggest political scandals of the
   century, Rob Goldstone is probably going
   to wish he hadn't run his mouth quite so
   much when he was a mere music publicist.

   One story he apparently used to like to
   tell about himself was the tale of his
   mysteriously disappearing genital wart.
   One minute, he swears, it was there on
   the side of his knob. The next, it had
   vanished.

   Where did it go? According to Rob, it's
   lost forever up the arse of some lucky
   young man.

   (Shame he can't seem to work the same
   sort of magic with Trump Jr's emails...) 


**************************************
CAT ON A HOT TIN ROOF. London's sultry summer
is perfect for Tennessee Williams' steamy tale
of Southern family secrets. Starring Colm
Meaney, Sienna Miller and Jack O'Connell,
who gets so hot he gets naked enough to let
everything hang out... Apollo Theatre London.
Playing now until 7th Oct.
[Tickets and other information here]
**************************************


     >> Love's Labour's Lost <<
     Leftward shift gains momentum 

   Anyone who thinks that Labour's recent
   shift left is just a passing fad: it
   looks like it's going to be sticking
   around for at least another generation.

   How do we know? Well, we don't for sure.
   All we know is that Labour advisor Laura
   Murray (who happens to be the daughter
   of Unite chief of staff, Andrew Murray)
   used to date the son of Blairite spin
   doctor Alastair Campbell, but more
   recently replaced him in her affections
   with... Ben Corbyn.

------------------------------------
Nominative Determinism Of The Week: Head
of Food Systems Collaboration at the World
Economic Forum... Lorin Fries!
------------------------------------


     >> Badger v Baboon II <<
     Electric Baboogaloo

   We've been asking celebrities for years
   who they think would win in a fight
   between a badger and a baboon, but
   some new evidence has come to the fore.

   A baboon caused havoc this week in the
   town of Livingstone, Zambia, by tearing
   out the wires at a local power station.
   The double hard bastard managed to take
   out two high-voltage machines, cutting
   off the power to an estimated 50,000
   people – yet still managed to survive.

   Apparently it could withstand the immense
   electric shocks (which would have been
   fatal to humans) because baboons
   apparently have "highly insulated palms".

   Badgers. Think twice.


************************************
LOSE WEIGHT WITHOUT WILLPOWER. Popbitch readers
have been loving Slimpod... "From the first
listen things changed. My attitude to what
I'm eating - and how much - have been turned
upside down... I'm thrilled." Promo code
POPBITCH gets you 20% off any programme:
http://www.thinkingslimmer.com/  
************************************

     >> One for the money <<
     Sky's TV worth paying for? 

   With all eyes on BBC pay packets,
   Sky One has quietly announced yet
   another revamp in the forlorn hope
   that one day they'll alight on
   something that works.

   "We’ve implemented a really simple
   strategy, which is everything we've
   commissioned, everything we acquire,
   everything we do on the channels is
   about television worth paying for,"
   said Sky's Director of Programmes
   Zai Bennett.

   Presumably the three big shows he
   went on to unveil are part of a
   different strategy: Sing It, an
   a cappella talent show hosted
   by Cat Deeley; Revolution, which
   pits extreme sportsman against each
   other; and Carmaggedon, a Scrapheap
   Challenge/Wacky Races show.

   Back to the drawing board, Zai.

------------------------------------
ITV have unveiled a new reality show where
modern men try to live like ancient Romans.
They've called it Bromans – but its
original working title? Ladiators. 
------------------------------------


     >> Christmas rapping <<
     Celebrating baby G-sus  

   It seems to get earlier and earlier
   every year, but the first celebrity
   names have been announced for this
   year's panto season. All of the usual
   suspects are present and correct
   (Kerry Katona, Chico, all four members
   of Blue, etc) but there's been a brand
   new star added to the circuit. 

   This year, Honey G will be starring in a
   Hastings production of Sleeping Beauty. 

   Merry Christmas, everybody!


************************************
LADY RIZO AT THE SOHO THEATRE! Grammy award-
winning cabaret superstar/comedienne Lady
Rizo plays the Soho Theatre until 5th
August. Exclusive Popbitch discount -
get £10 tickets when you quote PBINDIGO 
[Book your tickets here]  
************************************


     >> Hmmms <<
     Guns, cults, Guy Fieri 

Is R Kelly holding women in a sex cult? 
[Read on BuzzFeed] 

Nairobi local news of the week: 
[Read on SDE] 

This summer's hot look – the Guy
Fieri bathing suit: 
[See on Eater] 

A Star Wars fight where the lightsaber
noises are replaced with Owen Wilson
saying "Wow" 
[Watch on Twitter] 

Exploring the world's deepest
swimming pool 
[View on YouTube]

"My teacher says I can't draw cats" 
[View on Imgur]

************************************
Thanks to: silencer, AW, RW, showbiz_guru,
RL, TS, L, I, J, Riquelme, JE, S, SG,
curlywurly
************************************

Old Jokes Home: 
Q/ What does a vegan zombie eat? 
A/ Graaaaaaaaainnnss!!! 
(RIP George A Romero) 


Still Bored? 
"YOU NEED TO PAY ATTENTION TO THE MOTHERFUCKING
SCRIPT! I EVEN CHOOSE MY GODDAMN COMMAS FOR A
REASON!" Frank Darabont's amazingly sweary
emails have a touch of the Giles Coren about
them. 
[Read on Variety]

Fancy Another?

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