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Issue 832 – Through The Quayhole

Graham Norton in conversation with
Alice Levine (of My Dad Wrote A
Porno). Nominally about Graham's
book but, with their credentials,
it's probably going to get a little
naughty. Emmanuel Centre, London,
June 19th – 6:45pm. Get 10% off
tickets by using code POPBITCH:

"If I can be in the studio with
Jay-Z, with Pharrell, am I going
to do it? Shit, yeah. I like to be
around greatness" - Lewis Hamilton
POPBITCH           _     _ _       _
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|_|         |_| 18.05.17 ISSUE 832
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Email stories
* Perfect Stormzy for Corbyn
* LA story: Reid all about it
* Charts: Despacito is no 1 again

     >> Shining star <<
     BBC's hollow crown

   The BBC have been making a big
   deal out of their triumphs at
   the BAFTAs this week – and 
   it's true that they did win
   a lot. The victory must feel
   a little hollow though.

   All the factual wins (Planet
   Earth II, Exodus: Journey to
   Earth and Muslims Like Us)
   were commissioned by Kim 
   Shillinglaw. But Kim's not 
   at the BBC any more.

   They forced her out last year
   from being BBC2 controller.
   She's now at Endemol/Shine.


Taylor Swift has never had a UK 
number one single. Westlife had 
14. Weird world, eh?

     >> Through the Quayehole <<
     Finley's forgetful palate

   One-time popstar and occasional
   violent attacker, Finley Quaye
   has moved in to a new place in
   Manchester. He's been attempting
   to make friends with his new
   neighbours' by going round to 
   say 'hello' fairly often. This
   is accompanied by trying to 
   scrounge beer off them with the
   line, "Oh, what beer's that? 
   Can I try a bit?"

   And that unusual beer he just
   needs to taste?

   It's always Amstel.

Teri Nunn from Berlin was on the
shortlist to play Princess Leia.

     >> Big Questions <<
     What people are asking?

   Eva Green has rejected her
   costumes for the remake of
   Dumbo that is currently in 
   production - but which of the
   outfits caused Ms Green to send
   Oscar-winning designer, Colleen
   Attwood, back to the drawing
   board? (Was it the little red
   circus top-hat and matching
   coat; or the grey, baggy, 
   leathery, wrinkly one...?)

Timmy Mallet has been known to go
to 80s themed fancy dress parties
dressed as himself.

     >> LA Story <<
     Reid all about it

   A chill wind is blowing for the 
   celebrity sex pests of USA. Bill
   Cosby in disgrace, Roger Ailes 
   and Bill O'Reilly out of Fox 
   News.. and now LA Reid out of 
   Sony Music. 

   One of the most famous music 
   execs in the world - Reid even 
   served as a judge on X Factor 
   US - he was given the heave-ho
   from Epic Records last week 
   after an assistant alleged 
   harassment. (Reid favoured
   Rolf Harris' infamous "Rolfie
   deserves a cuddle" approach -
   lying on his hotel bed on
   business trips and asking the
   assistant to "give him a hug".)
   OK, so there were decades of 
   rumours of catting around
   and secret pay-offs, but when
   the end came, it came quick.

   It's said that when America
   sneezes the rest of the world
   catches a cold – so there must
   be a few Brit music execs 
   looking nervously over their 
   shoulders. Because if getting
   off with your assistant and
   demeaning your female co-workers 
   is going to be frowned upon, we
   can think of at least two UK
   labels that will be looking for
   some new talent pretty quick...

Fox News installed a female exec,
Suzanne Scott, as replacement. 
Epic have followed suit, president
Sylvia Rhone takes over Reid's role.

     >> Bluff and tumble <<
     The art of the steal

   Former NBC boss Jeff Zucker
   was talking to the New Yorker
   recently about how the self-
   proclaimed Master of The Deal,
   Donald Trump, went about the
   negotiations for arranging a
   fee for the second season of
   The Apprentice.

   Trump came in demanding $1m
   per episode. Zucker offered
   him $60,000. Trump accepted.

In Pristina, Kosovo, there's a Bill 
Clinton Boulevard, with a statue of
Bill Clinton. Next to it? A women's 
clothes shop. Called Hillary.

     >> Perfect Stormzy <<
     Corbyn: down with da kidz

   This time last year, we were
   wrist deep in the pipe of the
   EU referendum campaign. David
   Cameron's supposedly sure-fire
   gamble cocked up royally and,
   against the odds, the Leave
   campaign won.

   Now the Tories are once again
   taking us to the polls, all but
   convinced of victory – yet we
   can't help remembering a story
   we told last year.
   A few weeks before the EU vote,
   one voice was heard echoing
   around the halls of Number 10
   saying: "We've got Lily Cole
   on board, but what we really
   need is a grime artist. Does
   anybody know any grime artists?"

   They didn't. And they still
   don't. But you know who does?

Ladbrokes tells us there's a
wedge of money going on Labour
this week, including a 1500GBP
bet on Corbyn as next PM.
Follow @LadPolitics on Twitter
for updates and check what all
their election markets say here:

     >> G'day, Kyiv! << 
     The half moon of Ukraine

   As Europe pointed and laughed
   at the streaker who draped
   himself in an Australian flag
   and rushed the Eurovision stage
   – his bare arse out for 100+
   million people to see – real 
   Aussies were left scratching
   their heads.

   For though it might have seemed
   like classic Oz lad behaviour,
   our readers down under told us
   immediately that he wasn't
   a real Aussie. A real Aussie
   would have stopped to spread
   his cheeks and have a little
   waggle before running off.

   So future Ukrainian flashers,
   take note. If you want to be
   a convincing Australian: give
   a full moon, or GTFO.

FYI: The flashing prankster,
Vitaliy Sediuk, was released 
without charge, rather than 
with the Putinesque 5 year 
prison sentence suggested by 
Russia Today (and copied 
right across the media...)

Spotify used its streaming data to
predict Eurovision, naming Austria 
and Denmark as a likely 1-2. (FYI: 
Austria had 0 points from public.)

     >> Old news <<
     Padded content

   Curious as to the sorts of
   people who still buy dead-
   tree media? Well, a consultant
   working in the retail sector 
   shared a bit of demographic 
   information with us.

   Apparently the type of people
   who still pick up a newspaper
   in the supermarket are more
   likely to stick incontinence
   pads in their baskets than 
   chocolate bars.

Media Masters podcast: Ian Burrell.
Former media editor of the Indy
spills the beans on 20 years of
media secrets:

     >> Cannes-fidentialy <<
     This is why he never spoke
   Jean–Bernard Fernandez-Versini
   has come in from the cold and
   has been telling journalists
   about his plans for Cannes.

   He started off by saying, "When
   it comes to telling you what's
   inside the parties, I'm like a
   doctor. I cannot talk about my
   clients. Everything that happens
   inside those parties remains

   Only to follow that by saying,
   "We’re expecting some cool
   people coming. We've got Nicole
   Kidman. We’re hosting an event
   for Naomi Campbell for charity
   Fashion For Relief..."

   Who'd have thought a former
   husband of Cheryl Cole would
   have such a bad understanding
   of what confidentiality means?

Liam Payne on calling his son Bear:
"I actually wanted Arthur. I think
you sound like a bit of a tank.
Arthur Payne. He's not a guy 
you'd mess around with.'

     >> Brex-shit <<
     More Eurovision myths

   The Sun's ever-reliable showbiz
   editor Dan 'Wooton' Wootton has
   been trying his hardest to find
   a Brexit angle to blame Europe
   for the UK's 15th place finish
   at Eurovision – but has come up
   a little short.

   His argument might have held a
   bit of water were it not for
   the fact that over 2/3 of the
   EU countries competing gave us
   points (18 out of 25; which is
   up on the 5 out of 25 that did
   last year, and the 2 out of 25
   that did the year before) – all
   of which ended up giving us our
   highest placement since 2011.

   And as for his claim that "our
   entrant did not manage to get
   a single vote from bitter EU
   powerhouses Germany or France"?

   Except we actually got three
   points from France and six from
   Germany (for context: Germany
   only managed to get six points
   in total, from all 42 countries)

   Stop talking Britain down, Dan!

Battersea's music, food and booze 
pub and hub THE GROVE sees
in-house Escape Games experts
'Do  Stuff' launch new 'Pie and Mash'
escape game by offering 25% off all
games with code BITCHESCAPE. Book:

     >> Hmmms <<
     Piss, pinball, pop songs

   Are pop songs getting
   more repetitive?

   Capybaras in a hot tub:

   Someone finally organised
   a piss-up in a brewery:

   Cute pinball game:

   Hacking Mar-a-Lago:

   Otterly furious:

   Wonder what the Eurovision
   winner was about? Alexander 
   Rybak has done an English 
   language interpretation:

   How about a metal version
   of Amar Pelos Dois?

   Did you vote in Eurovision?
   Take this survey:   

Thanks to: swearboy, LEW, BD, SG,
Bigdog, PD

Old Jokes Home:
My local cafe is serving Oasis soup. 
You get a a roll with it.

Still Bored?
What is the sound of a dying planet?
Come and help us find out:

Fancy Another?


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