Wik Wik Wiki Wikipedia

***************************************************** How nice is Lethal Bizzle! He's our new favourite pop star. See him interviewed here: ***************************************************** “I miss Jade so much. It’s very raw, still. I’m not interested in anyone else. I was upset by reports I’d sent sexual texts - I didn’t have a phone at the time.” - Jack Tweed ---------------------------------------------------- POPBITCH […]

*****************************************************
How nice is Lethal Bizzle! He's our new 
favourite pop star. See him interviewed here:



*****************************************************


“I miss Jade so much.  It’s very raw, still. 
I’m not interested in anyone else. I was upset by 
reports I’d sent sexual texts - I didn’t 
have a phone at the time.” - Jack Tweed
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POPBITCH           _     _ _
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| '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_|         |_|  25.06.09 ISSUE 453
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* "Hands in Sophie Ellis Bextor's knickers"
* Andy Murray (hearts) The Rock
* Charts: La Roux is number one
------------------------------------------------------


        >> Katona hot, in ruse <<
        Kerry in "will eat for cash" holiday

    Readers of tabloids and celebrity weeklies
    have been gorging on photos of Kerry Katona
    on holiday in the Med looking fat and eating
    her own body weight in chips every day.
    Poor old Kerry, isn't it awful to see the
    celebrity media industry once again feeding
    off her life crises? Well, yes. Except Kerry and
    husband Mark's holiday and expenses were 
    paid for by the guy who took the photos. And
    he agreed to split the proceeds 80-20 in
    their favour. In the end the snapper barely
    broke even.  

FYI: Anyone want to see the legendary Kerry porn
shots? NSFW, obviously:

http://tinyurl.com/nmwhlj

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A: What is Grand Master Flash's Favourite Website?
Q: Wik wik wiki wikipedia.
------------------------------------------------------


        >> Setanta Flaws <<
        Sports channel draws final breath
      
    RIP Setanta. A victim of global financial 
    meltdown? A brave underdog bringing choice 
    to the TV football fans? Or a profligate 
    company which had arse-elbow knowledge
    issues? One Premier League club told us that
    to screen a live game Sky Sports asked for two
    car park places and 22 stadium passes, to
    accommodate crew, pundits and guests. Setanta - 
    66 car park places, and 120 stadium passes.


------------------------------------------------------
Ex-con Joey Barton was spotted enjoying the Royal
Enclosure at Royal Ascot. His name badge said, Joseph 
Barton Esq, as he partied with a BBC pundit and jockeys.
------------------------------------------------------


        >> Big Questions <<
        What people are asking this week

    This Premier League star has had a cruel run
    with injuries. But don't feel too sorry for 
    him, feel sorry for the club that's paid his
    wages. The previous season was also injury-hit 
    but the star needed his contract renewed. He
    knew his injured *knee" wouldn't hold up to
    much scrutiny from the medical team so he 
    developed an illness which meant he had to 
    stay away from training just about every other
    day. He trained, got a bit hurt, but then 
    spent the next day at home with his leg in 
    an ice bath, keeping the swelling down. He
    just about got through the medical, was 
    awarded a new contract and then rather promptly 
    broke down injured again.

    
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Asda's watermelons come from Albania.
------------------------------------------------------

  
        >> Potter Rock's Andy's world <<
        Tennis has no love for literature

    Books Andy Murray has said he has read:
    "A bit of The Rock's autobiography and a 
    couple of Harry Potter books".


FYI 2: Is Andy Murray a Brit or a Scot? 
Vote or bet here:

http://www.andymurrayometer.com/index.html

------------------------------------------------------
Rose West is a big Harry Potter fan.
------------------------------------------------------


        >> Diplomatic stinkbomb <<
        Ahmadinejad nukes himself in the foot
 
    One of the things Iran's President Ahmadinejad 
    is most known for in political and diplomatic
    circles is his B.O.  He has been described to 
    us as smelling "musty" and "like a billy-goat". 
    Our drunk Whitehall source this week gave
    an interesting take on the West's attitude
    towards him. The Chinese are said to be appalled 
    by Ahmadinejad's standards of personal hygiene - 
    it offends their cultural norms. And so,
    despite everything - democracy, freedom 'n all 
    that, Britain and the US don't mind him staying
    in power. The Chinese are not likely to 
    give political support to somebody so weird/smelly. 
    Which will help delay Iran getting nuclear weapons. 
 

------------------------------------------------------
Pig flu has broken out at the the Police College 
in Porirua, New Zealand. ------------------------------------------------------ 	 
	 	

        >> Stop the hype! <<
        Save our future pop stars

    It's time to put a stop to the Critics 
    Choice "these are the bands you WILL 
    like next year" lists.

    Not only does it narrowcast music taste to a
    sheep-like following of what music bullies 
    say you "should" like but it's counter-
    productive, placing an unfair burden on the 
    shoulders of artists who haven't yet had time
    to develop a fan base or nurture their talent. 
    Everyone who writes about music falls over
    themselves to praise the newly-annointed,
    in a Emperor's New Clothes desperation
    not to look uncool. And music fans who might
    have enjoyed discovering a new artist see 
    the acres of hyperbolic newsprint, and then 
    when they eventually hear the albums 
    inevitably think "Is THAT it?"

    Let's look at this year's annointed few:
    Little Boots' album entered the chart at five,
    but then dropped to 40 and right out of the 
    charts. Florence and The Machine - no album 
    yet, and not even a top 10 single. White
    Lies - two weeks in the top 10 before dropping 
    straight out of top 40. Empire of the Sun
    peaked at 19; Frankmusik can't get arrested.
    VV Brown is written about like she's 
    Beyonce but hasn't even had a hit.  

    So three cheers for La Roux. We don't have to
    love it to be pleased that the UK music industry
    has one artist that's actually selling. We 
    only wish it sounded more creative than 
    a copy of early 1980 synth pop. As a fan
    first time round of 80s synth pop, popbitch now
    knows how original 60s rockers felt when Shakin' 
    Stevens started topping the charts in the 
    80s with his erzatz "Green Door" charm.
  

*****************************************************
The summer sun is finally out so you need pink wine. 
Our favourite is Cuvee Pink Floyd, made at 
Brangelina's French chateau. Call Planet of The Grapes
020 7405 4912. Say "Give me some of your Jolie Juice", 
and get a case of six for 60 quid (20% discount)

http://tinyurl.com/koopsy

*****************************************************


        >> Pixie famous! <<
        Er,  well, not a lott
 
Shoegal writes
    “I was on the train from Shenfield to 
    Liverpool St the weekend before last weekend
    in the same carriage as Pixie Lott.

    Pixie was obviously perturbed by the fact not 
    a soul on the train had a clue who she was, so to 
    clear matters up she took out her mobile phone,
    called a friend and bellowed as loudly as she
    could: ‘Oh my God! I can't believe I am 
    number one! This is so crazy! That other song 
    I was worried about only ended up at number 7!’
    (David Guetta/Kelly Rowland When Love Takes 
    Over which, amusingly, knocked her off number
    one on Sunday).

    "Nobody batted an eyelid so she gave up, 
    put her headphones on and sat singing quietly
    for the rest of the way.”


FYI: Pixie has recorded Mama Do in Simlish,
the language of The Sims.
FYI 2: Katy Perry has also recorded a song
in Simlish. Yawn already.


------------------------------------------------------
Pixie Lott's real name is Victoria. 
------------------------------------------------------


        >> Saying sorry to a star's pants <<
        Ellis Bextor makes Middlesborough men happy

R writes:
    "After seeing  "I like pants" Sophie Ellis
    Bextor, at the top of the email it reminded 
    me of 2002, when she visited my place of
    work, HMV in Middlesbrough.

    "Word quickly got round the store and the manager
    asked her if she wouldn't mind nipping up 
    to the stock room to sign copies of her new CD.
    She cheerfully agreed, and after that she bid us
    all farewell and left.

    "Later we realised she'd accidently left one of 
    her shopping bags, a carrier from Mark One.
    We took a peek. It was about six pairs
    of skimpy knickers! Of course the boys couldnt 
    resist playing with them just so they could 
    brag that they'd 'had their hands in Sophie
    Ellis Bextor's knickers' .

    "A few hours passed and Sophie's aide returned
    to collect the bag. We were furnished 
    with free tickets to her concert at 
    Middlesbrough Town Hall the next day. I wasn't 
    a big fan but it was a great live show, credit
    where credit is due."


------------------------------------------------------
Overheard at Download - Slipknot's security 
telling Pixie Geldof "I don't care whose Pixie 
you are you can't come in!"
------------------------------------------------------


        >> Goodiebits!<<
       Big bucks don't mean big bags
 
    We asked last week if anyone's goodie bag
    could top that of the F1 party at the V&A,
    Twiglets, Hildon water and a flyer for a 
    Peter Pan treasure hunt. Our favourite five:
 
    * Last year's Comedy Awards - a Dubai property
    brochure, F1 peaked cap and the late 
    Mike Reid's last DVD.

    * LA Looks Bodywrap event last week: can of 
    pomegranate energy drink, Savlon aftersun 
    spray and an information leaflet about 
    the body wrap which once helped Vanessa
    Feltz "lose 19 3/4 inches in just one hour". 

    * The Royal Lancaster Hotel corporate event: 
    packet of Birds Instant Custard, pkt Angel 
    Delight,  Bisto Gravy Granules, pkt rhubard
    and custard sweets, Coke zero, a bottle 
    of water and 2 energy saving light bulbs.

    * A "do" at the Portuguese Embassy - a
    copy of a glossy coffee table book
    on golf courses.

    * House of Holland party in Shoreditch: 
    two chewing gum packets, one in a handy
    canvas chewing gum holder. 


*****************************************************
Fresh air, exercise and a warm, fuzzy feeling... 
Change your World next week: 

http://snipurl.com/cyw_pop-4040

*****************************************************


        >> Things that make you go hmm <<
        Robot, Scientologists, baby meerkats

    Grace Jones is super-cool. She can sing
    while hula-hooping:



    Want one! Robot makes coffee:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejROvUC-gWU

    Scientologists play musical chairs to the 
    music of Queen: 

http://www.tampabay.com/specials/2009/reports/project/

    "I’m just really fascinated with people and 
    I like putting myself in their shoes." Christian 
    "Angry" Bale talks about Public Enemies to 
    LOVEFiLM.  See interview and claim a free 
    14 day unlimited DVD trial here:

http://tinyurl.com/l9hfrd

    This sex toy was given out at the Academy
    Awards this year. Celebs snapped them up.
    Get yours here at our sale for 20% off:

http://www.blacklabeladultshop.com/products/we_vibe/254/1

   Best named flooring company in the world:
   (If you need help figuring out the joke, the 
   typo in the "About Us" section should 
   sort you out)

http://www.linoritchie.ie/

    Baby meerkats:

http://tinyurl.com/nekhza

    Buffy v Twilight:  

http://tinyurl.com/ncevj3

      >> UK Top 40 <<
      We predict this week's new entries/high climbers

++ Number One
LA ROUX Bulletproof

++ Top Ten
FREEMASONS Heartbreak

++ Top Twenty
FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE Rabbit Heart

++ Top Forty
BASEMENT JAXX Raindrops
CAMELEONZ Should I Stay


****************************************************
Thanks to: SW, AM, CL, LT, whats_the_beef_chief,
HA, g, CG, ST, EH, W, overdrive, jonmac, Ac, R
onthehushhush, LM, NY27,
*****************************************************
 
Old Foreign Jokes Home:
Q: What do you call a Mexican peeping-tom?
A: Senor Minge.


Still Bored:
July means only one thing -  the annual trip
to Belgium for the Dour Festival. More reasons
than ever to go:
* The Stella is cheap, cold and strong
* The Pet Shop Boys are headlining
* You can see Le Prince Harry, live!
* You don't have to camp, there are Festihuts
* No-one is allowed to bring an axe on site
To win a pair of tickets, you have to live
in UK, and email popbitchcomp@dourfestival.be
with the answer to this question - 
What is Neil Tennant's favourite Abba song?

Line up, camping, details and T&C:

http://www.dourfestival.be/en/

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