Too Posh To Flush
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"I was not trying to hurt the owl. I did it to see if it would fly" - Luis Moreno "There's not one tattoo that I've got on me that doesn't mean something" - David Beckham ---------------------------------------------------- POPBITCH _ _ _ _ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__ | '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \ | |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | | | .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_| |_| |_| 03.03.11 ISSUE 535 Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe go to http://www.popbitch.com Send us stories - email: hello@popbitch.com * Diana Ross is too posh to pull * Peter Andre keeps things private * Charts: Adele is still number one ---------------------------------------------------- >> Mommy dearest << The life and times of Christina A A few years ago, the now drunk and incapable Christina Aguilera was looking for an assistant. She had many demands for the new underling. High on her list was that the person she hired must like small dogs. She neglected to mention she had a child that they would also have to look, after along with the nanny. After several unsuccessful interviews, she was persuaded to highlight the need for a love of children above that of a love for air dogs. ---------------------------------------------------- Carl Barat has been spotted buying Aunt Bessie Frozen Yorkshire Pudding in Sainsburys, Muswell Hill. ---------------------------------------------------- >> Mysterious Girl/Boy << Celebrity privacy comes in many forms Peter Andre seems to be enjoying life after ending his marriage to a notorious publicity seeker. Here he is last week, talking about his new love with Elen Rives. "We’re both keen to keep things away from the cameras as we want things to develop naturally and to keep our relationship private." Ah, celebrity privacy. So where is this quote from? Why, his New! magazine column, of course. In the same week that Elen - who, luckily for Pete, has the same management - gave a "world exclusive" interview about their relationship to OK!, and not long after they both appeared on the cover of the OK! magazine which celebrated OK! proprietor Richard Desmond's baby shower. FYI: In Pete's column this week - how Elen's kids (with Frank Lampard) won't be in his TV show. Presumably he brought this up in the media to make sure that they're kept out of the media... ---------------------------------------------------- Fees quoted to host an event at London Fashion Week: Stacey Solomon 35k, Joe McElderry 5k. Joe got the job. ---------------------------------------------------- >> Big Questions << Who is asking what this week Which member of Snow Patrol has been known to warn his lucky conquests that he's got a small cock? (We're told "it is, but it was an okay ride anyway".) ---------------------------------------------------- Peaches Geldof thinks Strictly Come Dancing is tacky. (And the award for Lack Of Self-Awareness 2011 goes to...) ---------------------------------------------------- >> (Pull the) chain reaction << Diana Ross is too posh to flush D writes: "Back in the late 80's I was working in construction in New York and my wife got a job as Diana Ross's housekeeper, at her very plush apartment off 5th Avenue. Among my wife's responsibilities was to flush the toilet after Diana had finished her number twos." ---------------------------------------------------- The Pope, apparently, smokes Marlboro Red. ---------------------------------------------------- >> Bend for a friend << African musicians come to London A few months back we wrote about "Benda Bilili" - a documentary about a band of (mostly) paraplegic musicians from the Democratic Republic Of Congo. Well, the film is due out this month and we can't wait. The film-makers Renaud Barret and Florent De La Tullaye faced many challenges shooting the 5-year documentary on the streets of Kinshasa, which are populated by assorted 'shegues' (street kids), military dealers, hoods and thugs of all kinds - none more so than when they were thrown in jail for refusing to give in to police blackmail. The pair were only released when the members of Staff Benda Bilili led a pack of storming paraplegics to charge the police station shouting "Give us back our whites!". Benda Bilili! Viral http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39oaCsB7fpY FYI Fancy seeing it? There's a gala premiere of the film that four lucky PB readers can win ticket pairs to on Friday 11th March at London Union Chapel. Mark your entries "Benda Bilili Popbitch Competition" and send to info@t-fe.com before midnight on Monday 7th. ---------------------------------------------------- Best email address of the week: Andrew Payne of Wright Hassall Solicitors. Yes, that's A Payne at Wright Hassall. ---------------------------------------------------- >> All rise << It's great to have Blue back CC writes: "I saw Blue perform at the University of Hull summer ball, some years ago. They had just come from performing at Leeds' summer ball and were noticeably hammered. They, therefore, did a bad job at miming, but that made them entertaining. The best bit was watching them point, and through their microphones, say 'that one' 'her too'. Classy." ---------------------------------------------------- Adele has the biggest first week sales in the US since Kanye West in October. She's also currently one and two in the UK album chart. The last time this happened was with The Corrs in 1999. ---------------------------------------------------- >> Northern and hell << The second coming of Robert Maxwell There's trouble brewing in Richard Desmond's empire. One of the execs at Channel 5 is privately claiming that the ex-Mrs Desmond was the stabilising influence and since the divorce Richard has been growing ever more barmy. Denise Van Outen's done it but don't be too surprised if disgruntled employees start to break cover about it too. There's certainly something of the Robert Maxwell going on. Take the new Health Lottery that Desmond has unveiled. Remind you in any way of when Maxwell started putting bingo on the front page of the Mirror, fronted by his own daughter? Let's hope the Desmond family don't own any yachts. ---------------------------------------------------- Ben Foster celebrated Birmingham's Carling Cup win with Monday lunch at Galvin at Windows. ---------------------------------------------------- >> Sing when you're sinning << Who's who in the world of dictator pop One of the most surprising things to come out of the Libyan uprising is the revelation that Gaddafi paid Nelly Furtado $1 million to play a private concert for him. Who knew anyone still liked Nelly Furtado that much? Of course, she's not the first nor the last popstar to play for a controversial political leader. Others include: Sting - Islam Karimov (Uzbekistan) Bob Marley - Robert Mugabe (Zimbabwe) Manic Street Preachers - Fidel Castro (Cuba) James Brown - Mobutu Sese Seko (Congo) Chris De Burgh was also supposed to play for Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (Iran) but the gig fell through due to civil unrest in the area. Shame. Hugo Chavez (Venezuela) doesn't care for the company of popstars. He prefers to hang out with actors. Sean Penn and Danny Glover have both been guests of his. FYI Nice to see some stars are unwilling to get caught up in politics. East 17 kept it real with their Mongolian fans and earned their money the hard way - playing a residency at a working men's club out there. ---------------------------------------------------- Drinking together in the BA lounge Heathrow this week: Dom Joly, Simon Day, Peter Duncan, Neil Ruddock, Ricky Grooves and Julia Peasgood. On their way to Argentina for celebrity Total Wipeout. ---------------------------------------------------- >> Shithead << Tom P B likes reading Tom Parker Bowles recently went to a meeting at a publishing company to talk about his food book. On his way out he decided to take home with him a copy of The Story Of The Little Mole Who Knew It Was None Of His Business. It's a story about a mole who discovers that he has a pile of shit on his head. Sounds like a man with good taste. ---------------------------------------------------- In the next series of Celebrity Masterchef - Linda Lusardi and someone out of Hollyoaks. Something to look forward to then. ---------------------------------------------------- >> Eurovision update << Fingers crossed we're going to Minsk One of Eurovision's greatest charms is that it seems to hold a mirror up to the politics of Europe. This week was all about the former Eastern Bloc. Belarus entered a retro Sov-pop track called Born In Belarussia. From listening to it you might think that Belarus was a kind of isolated throwback to the Soviet era. Oh. (Sample lyrics "When I was wearing a star, back in the USSR".) And when the Pet Shop Boys -style Red Army choir kicks in it attains a certain genius. And in Ukraine a vote-rigging scandal has hit. (What? In Victor Yanukovitch's ever-more regressive, Soviet-style country? No!) The final three were recalled for a second attempt at a fair final but our favourite, Jamala, announced she was pulling out as she didn't trust it leaving the original "winner" Mika Newton to walk it a second time. So now that she has won it fair and square, everyone's happy. Everyone except Mika Newton who has now decided she might change her song anyway. Belarus: http://bit.ly/g8O2MU FYI 1: Remember the amazing Babushkas who narrowly failed to be Russia's entry last year? They're rumoured to be this year's http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmT0T7bJ4Rk FYI 2: Dana International is vying to represent Israel again. We think we prefer one of her competitors. He's called simply "Knob". ---------------------------------------------------- The Ford dealership in Peebles was owned by a man called Harrison. ---------------------------------------------------- >> Deuce Bigalow: cock << When Hollywood goes to Asia Rob Schneider recently did a stand-up show in Singapore. This is what one of the helpers there told us about him: * Shorter than expected? TICK * Balding and wearing a ridiculous beret to cover this up? TICK * Insanely hot girlfriend that he would never get if he wasn't a 'star'? TICK * Asking you a question and then ignoring the answer? TICK. * Belittling the local comedians he invited to perform as guests at his gig for not being funny enough before they went on stage? TICK. * Berating same comics for being 'too funny', making his job harder after they went on? TICK. *Shouting catchphrases from one his movies and adding 'Singapore' to the end of it literally from the word go?. eg "You can do it Singapore"? TICK * Sleep walking through his gig as though he was only doing it for the money? TICK. **************************************************** Strap yourselves in as A-list air hostess PAM ANN touches down at the Magners Glasgow International Comedy Festival 19th& 20th March. "Cruelly funny" Madonna: http://bit.ly/gL0Syu **************************************************** >> Things that make you go hmm << Otters, racehorses, Hong Kong recycling Builders for the childish - St Albans edition: http://www.bjbuilders.co.uk Popbitch Popquiz is back! Tues 8th March, at The Player, Soho, 730pm. Featuring London's oddest accordion player doing Oscar winning songs, Last Man Standing and Family Fortunes. Email for a table: rochelle@popbitchpopquiz.com Song of the week: http://bit.ly/hGuyfG Sign of the Week: http://bit.ly/ebyXl8 "Coming Up On The Rails - Big Tits" - mucky racehorse names that made it through the net: http://bit.ly/f6atJJ (If Popbitch had a horse what should it be called? email hello@popbitch.com. Best entries win a copy of 80s Mixtape. Don't say we don't spoil you.) http://amzn.to/eOj6wv Bunnies are over: http://dailyotter.org/ >> UK Top 40 << This week's new entries/high climbers ++Number One ADELE Someone Like You ++Top Twenty FOO FIGHTERS Rope TIESTO Vs DIPLO C'Mon ++ Top Forty BREAKAGE FT JESS MILLS Fighting Fire MANICS Postcards From A Young Man >> End Bit << Stuff about Popbitch * Email stories, gossip: hello@popbitch.com * Subscribe or unsubscribe here: http://www.popbitch.com * Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd. * Mail by aysabtu ************************************************** Thanks to: CL, WB, AM, SW, GA, muzar, CC, JW, If !(sleep){sheep++;}, jesusandmaryjane, CMH, simon_cowell, singapore_slag, deep_stoat, rafe mount_st_nobody, muzar, L, Thanks to the many AFL fans who emailed us to point out that Ricky Nixon is not the player manager of St Kilda, but he's a personal manager/player for some of the players. ************************************************** Old Jokes Home: Statistics show that 1-in-20 of us live next door to a convicted paedo. Not me, though, I live next door to two stunning eight year-olds. Still Bored? Adam Rickett - looking as comfortable on stage as he ever did: http://bit.ly/hDkimM
Tags: Adam Rickett, Blue, Diana Ross, eurovision, Gaddafi, Latest Issue, Peaches Geldof, Peter Andre, richard desmond, Rob Schneider, Tom Parker Bowles
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