Bjorn Ulvaeus walked into a bar…
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"I think when I am among children is when I feel most liberated" - Russell Brand ---------------------------------------------------- POPBITCH _ _ _ _ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__ | '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \ | |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | | | .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_| |_| |_| 14.03.11 ISSUE 541 Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe go to http://www.popbitch.com Send us stories - email: hello@popbitch.com * Dean Gaffney likes Kylie Minogue * Some stuff on phone hacking * Charts: LMFAO is this week's number one ---------------------------------------------------- >> Hurly Burley << Top brass run scared of Sky's first lady As a tearful Peter Andre once found out on live TV, you don't want to cross Kay Burley. Perhaps it was a coincidence that the head of news took the day off when Sky made the announcement that the anchor for the Royal Wedding was to be Eamonn Holmes rather than Ms Burley, but we're inclined to think not. ---------------------------------------------------- Trudie Styler is remaking The Harder They Come. Surely a starring role for Olly Murs? ---------------------------------------------------- >> Hacker's Delight << The genesis of tabloid hacking? Back in 1999 a British man says he had some problems with his new mobile phone account. His phone network found out his answer machine had been accessed by someone else. He was advised to change his phone and number and to set a password to protect his messages. The phone company told him exactly how it was done (see Popbitch issue 107 for instructions) and how to avoid it. So, being a good citizen, the man went to The Sun. He thought the newspaper should do a big splash on this huge potential issue. They took down the details, told him how interesting it was and sent him away. Weirdly, he thought, no story ever appeared. So he took the story to The Mirror. They too seemed interested. And yet, again, no story. He always wondered why the tabloids never printed it. ---------------------------------------------------- Sarah Palin, we're told, "smells of almonds". ---------------------------------------------------- >> Big Questions << What reporters are asking this week Which 24-hour news exec, on hearing of Elizabeth Taylor's death, berated his staff for failing to get Richard Burton on air to talk about it? Someone had to quietly point out that Burton was, in fact, dead. Was the bloke who looked a lot like Sean Pertwee that did a runner from a West London bar in the week without paying his bill really Sean Pertwee? --------------------------------------------------- The moon landing was the first time ITV officially beat the BBC's ratings on a joint broadcast. ---------------------------------------------------- >> Wire in the blood << Kirstie Allsop is good police The Hon. Kirstie Allsop is the posho daughter of Baron Hindlip, former chairman of Christie's auction house, most famous for TV property shows and being a Tory. So we were somewhat surprised to find that she seems to have named her children after characters in The Wire. They are Bay and Herc(ules). ---------------------------------------------------- Press release of the week: thanks to Taylor Herring for telling us that Danny Boyle was named most offensive stand-up comedian in a survey. ---------------------------------------------------- >> Phones under the stammer << Who's been listening to Gareth Gates Gareth Gates hasn't yet come up in the list of celebrities to complain about phone-hacking but, having re-read some old stories, we wouldn't be surprised if he does. Back in 2002, when Gareth Gates was first rising to fame and his romance with fellow contestant Hayley Evetts was a staple of the showbiz columns, one column had more details than most on the state of their relationship - specifically about the number of late-night phonecalls and saucy messages the pair exchanged. While this reality show puppy love might look too unimportant for such activities, it was at this time Jordan was claiming to have shagged Gareth - - a much more exciting allegation. And who was it bagging these scoops? Well, not the News of The World. Instead it was the Sun's Bizarre column, edited back then by current Sun editor Dominic Mohan. ---------------------------------------------------- Wife-beaters must be fashionable again. Chris Brown's new single is in the top ten. ---------------------------------------------------- >> Pwoper Gaffney << Dean, daughter and Kylie Going to concerts with your dad can be embarrassing enough, but imagine how much worse it would be if your dad was Dean Gaffney. Dean was present at the final night of Kylie's latest stint at the O2 with one of his daughters, excitedly trying to get up and dance - particularly during Spinning Around and Can't Get You Out Of My Head. His daughter flat out refused to get up and dance with him, so poor Dean had to resort to texting and tapping his foot to the beat. FYI: We also hear that he had seats higher up in the arena, but begged for them to be changed because his daughter was 'scared of heights'. Yeah, nice excuse, Dean. ---------------------------------------------------- While the singles chart is virtually all digital, it's a different story in the album chart. Alison Krauss' new top 10 album has only 2% digital sales. ---------------------------------------------------- >> Crazy basterd << Eli Roth confuses his friends We always knew it would be a bad idea to shag Peaches Geldof, but it appears it may cause unexpected lasting mental damage. An acquaintance of Eli Roth's bumped into him last week and so decided to say hello - to which Roth replied "Wow, that was some fucking party!" The friend, confused, said he didn't think they'd been at any wild parties together. Roth too looked momentarily confused before prodding the friend in the chest and saying "Dude, I owe you an email". The friend, now completely baffled, said he really didn’t think so. Roth just laughed and wandered off. ---------------------------------------------------- Dr Jonathan Miller spotted in Camden Waterstone's. He tried to put his card in at right-angles to the debit card-reader before asking for help. ---------------------------------------------------- >> Wife swap << This week's Danny Dyerism JB writes: "This week my girlfriend was waiting for me to pick her up (I was late, sorry Jo) at Rainham, Essex, train station when a 4x4 with blacked- out window pulled up next to her and the guy inside started shouting 'Joanne, get in'! My girlfriend was confused and could only reply, "Sorry?". At that point the driver - the one and only Danny Dyer, had to hastily explain that he had mistaken her for his wife, coincidentally also called Joanne." --------------------------------------------------- The first person to get sickness and the runs in space was Apollo 8 controller Frank Bormann. Fellow astronauts used baby wipes to catch the chunks of Bormann’s undigested lunch floating in the capsule. ---------------------------------------------------- >> The ii's have it << A good reason for an X Factor revamp With stories everywhere predicting a big revamp of the X Factor judging panel, this is the best reason we've heard to ditch the Aussie: "You shouldn't trust Dannii Minogue. Her ii's are too close together" FYI: Q: What do you call a pig with three eyes? A: Piiig! ---------------------------------------------------- Bjorn Ulvaeus walked into a bar. He didn't audition, or anything. (It took us a while to get it too...) ---------------------------------------------------- >> Farcenogenic << Shoehorning Aniston into a mag pt 231 It's hard to find things to take national pride in these days, but we've been banging on about the made-up cover lines on OK! magazine for enough years to think that the UK was at least the world leader in making up celebrity headlines. So imagine our dismay at picking up this week's National Enquirer. Next to a big photo of an emotional looking Jennifer Aniston screamed the words "Jen Breast Cancer Drama!" And inside, the story that matched this shocking headline? Jennifer Aniston hopes to direct a TV show about people with cancer. While it is, quite literally, a "breast cancer drama", is that really what that headline says to you? http://bit.ly/esshgj ---------------------------------------------------- Our favourite titled forthcoming films: 1. Dead Hooker In A Trunk 2. Gladiators v Werewolves 3. Nude Nuns With Big Guns (Know anything better? email: hello@popbitch.com) ---------------------------------------------------- >> Things that make you go hmmm << Steve Buscemi, Busted, Guilty Cat Wrong thing of the week - the Chocolate Museum in Bruges has a life-size chocolate Barack Obama. Complete with big white chocolate teeth: http://bit.ly/hZkl4x Whatever happened to Charlie from Busted? He's gone solo and this is his track: http://bit.ly/hLL511 CeCe Peniston meets Sex Pistols. Rather good: http://bit.ly/eHjpAz Raumpatroille - classic German sci-fi: http://www.youtube.com/watch?=NJe-CdWsICY Odd: http://chickswithstevebuscemeyes.tumblr.com/ After waiting months for that film about the killer tyre to be released it seemed like a great idea to go and review it after four hours in the pub: http://bit.ly/hOxyhW Guilty Cat http://www.popbitch.com/home/2011/04/14/guilty-cat/ ************************************************** T Mobile's new advert set to launch on Friday: http://bit.ly/i9whKh ************************************************** >> End Bit << Stuff about Popbitch * Email stories, gossip: hello@popbitch.com * Subscribe or unsubscribe here: http://www.popbitch.com * Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd. * Mail by aysabtu ************************************************** Thanks to: LT, CL, deep_stoat, JB, AM Doobs, GO, monstris, SW, deep_stoat, GA ishouldbesolucky * SG for the space facts * @jacques_aih for the Dannii Minogue joke ************************************************** Old Jokes Home: Q: Who waves a blue and white scarf and sings with Miami Sound Machine? A: Gloria Leicesterfan. Still Bored? Shadow Lounge hosts a Eurovision preview party on Sunday. 5pm - midnight, featuring Romania, Malta, Bulgaria, Italy and Switzerland etc: Hosted by Paddy O'Connell and Nicki French Info mail: londoneurovision@londoneurovision.com http://www.londoneurovision.com
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