Things we can tell you we can’t tell you
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**************************************************** Family Guy presents the world's sickest jokes: http://bit.ly/mlugyo **************************************************** "The hair has seen better days" - Brian May ---------------------------------------------------- POPBITCH _ _ _ _ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__ | '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \ | |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | | | .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_| |_| |_| 06.05.11 ISSUE 544 Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe go to http://www.popbitch.com Send us stories - email: hello@popbitch.com * Osama Bin Laden's fun brother * What we can tell you we can't tell you * Charts: LMFAO are still number one ---------------------------------------------------- >> Simply Bored << Hucknall wants to be alone Mick Hucknall was performing at a fundraising dinner at Nobu on Park Lane this week, entertaining the wealthy and powerful in aid of the Japanese tsunami. Mick's charity didn't extend to his fellow guests as when someone was sent to ask Mick to come and have a photo with head chef Nobu Matsuhisa, Eliza Doolittle and Beverly Knight, he said no and offered up no other reason than he just didn't want to. Which, we have to admit, has given us a new grudging respect for the Hucknall. ---------------------------------------------------- Robert Pattinson doesn't seem to like washing his hair unless he is filming. We're told it often has an "odd smell and strange green sheen". ---------------------------------------------------- >> Battle of Benghazi << Another kind of war in Libya Libya is a battleground for more than just anti-Gaddafi rebels and NATO. It's proving divisive for the rolling news channels too. Sky News' Kay Burley was to present live from Benghazi for Live At Five, until she realised that, as it was Jeremy Thompson's show, he would be doing the first report. Still, reporting live from one of the most newsworthy towns on earth must have been a thrill for Burley? Um, not as such. "I don't do second openers" were the star presenter's final words on the subject. **************************************************** Upgrade to a festival with a difference. From Human League to Howard Marks; Fenech-Soler to Robin Ince. The Magic Loungeabout - the hottest thing in Yorkshire this summer: http://www.youtube.com/themagicloungeabout **************************************************** >> Big Questions << What people want to know this week Which children's TV presenter made quite an impression at a Northern Ireland awards ceremony by getting drunk and shouting out to all and sundry that they needed cocaine? Patsy Kensit ended up telling them to pipe down. Imagine the shame - told off by Patsy Kensit! ---------------------------------------------------- Female porcupines have been observed using wooden sticks as dildoes. ---------------------------------------------------- >> Private lives << What we can tell you we can't tell you Talking about superinjunctions (ie things we can't tell you that we can't tell you) seems to be flavour of the month at the moment. We had a count up this week and reckon there are at least 35 stories we cant tell you that we cant tell you. So we went back and looked at some of the non-injuncted legal notices - at least these are things we CAN tell you we can't tell you. Here are some of the incredibly private things that celebrities' lawyers won't let you know see or read about: * Photographs of Jonathan Ross playing tennis with David Baddiel * Photographs of Andy Carroll eating in Liverpool restaurants * Bryan Adams doesn't want photographers taking pictures of his baby mama * Speculation about Rihanna's sex life. Yep, the same Rihanna who has called her album S&M, thinks Megan Fox is "yummy", posed topless on GQ, told a US radio station "If you don't send your boyfriend naked pictures, then I feel bad for him", and hinted to the News Of The World that she liked masturbation. --------------------------------------------------- Goalkeeper Manuel Neuer says that Shalke players like heavy metal. "No-one listens to Lady Gaga on the team bus". ---------------------------------------------------- >> Graffiti of the week << Probably not about to topple Banksy Hopefully inspired by the Royal Wedding is something sprayed on the ground in the main car-park in Wells. Alongside a vivid picture of an ejaculating penis is this fantastically specific sentence: "Harry loves cock in his anal gland". FYI: It's in the big car-park near the church, where Adam Buxton got decapitated in Hot Fuzz. Send us a photo and we'll send a thank you prize: hello@popbitch.com --------------------------------------------------- It takes a force of 210.9kg/sq metre to crack open a Macadamia nut. ---------------------------------------------------- >> Bin Laden the playboy << Bet Osama never sang at parties Osama the anti-Christ? Well, he did have a brother called Salem. Osama had over 50 Bin Laden siblings. Salem was the patriarch. And if all the brothers took after Salem the world would be rather a different place: * Salem once paid a bandleader at an Oscars party in LA to let him sing House of the Rising Sun in seven languages. * When he first tasted Tabasco sauce he liked it so much he had 5000 cases shipped to Saudi Arabia. * Said he wanted to marry four Western women - an American, A Brit, a French and a German, so he could fly all these flags from his houses. * Used to organise parties and get in the hookers for Saudi ruling princes. * Salem died in a plane crash in Texas, home of the Bush clan. FYI: Since 9/11 a member of the Bin Laden family attempted to trade-mark the family name to brand a collection of expensive sunglasses and watches. It hasn't gone that well. FYI 2: So how did WWE Extreme Rules announce Osama's death? How do you think! http://bit.ly/kVKhp6 FYI 3: There's a great book on the Bin Ladens: http://amzn.to/mkeuPM ---------------------------------------------------- An anagram of Osama Bin Laden is... Abandons Email. ---------------------------------------------------- >> Doctor Hugh << The mysterious side of Downton star Downton Abbey's Hugh Bonneville guest stars in Doctor Who this week. He says he's been badgering them for years to be in it. It sounds like a good episode. Bonneville says "It's actually rather mysterious and dark and ultimately a rather touching story... while all this weird stuff is going on with a nasty spooky Siren" (played by Lily Cole). Let's hope wholesome Hugh enjoys the association with a tabloid-friendly Siren for once. ---------------------------------------------------- Osama's favourite TV show when he was growing up was Bonanza. ---------------------------------------------------- >> Eurovision is here << A quick guide to 2011 - part 1 This year's Eurovision is finally upon us. There's a fair few good entries this year - it's a difficult one to predict. Here's a guide to the big western European contenders: * France - have sent a cross between Hanson and Russell Watson. Big favourite and could walk it if people take to opera. * Italy - first entry since 1997 and they seem to have sent their Jamie Cullum. Sings with his eyes shut though - will lose him votes. * Denmark - catchy and anthemic pop. Will lose the bookies a load of money if it wins. (including to us as we took a punt when it was stupidly long odds.) * Norway - would have been the perfect World Cup theme one-hit wonder * Germany - Lovely Lena is back to defend her crown. Love the song but no-one has ever done the double. Watch: http://bit.ly/lKF7QD Think you've seen a winner? Bet here: http://bit.ly/fHO643 FYI: Don't back Hungary (or so our spy says after watching her performance) FYI 2: Semi Final betting: Azerbaijan - big favourites to win SF1 - Russia, Norway or Turkey could spring a surprise... FYI 3: Dana International is back for Israel. Shame the song's dull but at least it gives us the chance to tell our favourite fact about her - Dana's brother is called Nimrod. **************************************************** Want to win $500 in our special Eurovision poker tournament? The slightly mad Big Carlos of @BetfairPoker fame is hoping to win the competition with his entry for Transnistria (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transnistria). He’s been practicing in the mirror for weeks and he's ready for the Eurovision Song Contest. Come give him a hand - all you have to do is have a look in the betfairpoker.com lobby, look for Eurovision tournament and use the password "Popbitch". Registration is open until 15 mins before the tournament which starts at 18.00 on 7th May. http://bit.ly/BetfairPoker **************************************************** >> Purple patch << Back to school with Blue Blue arrive in Dusseldorf today. A thousand European journalists keen for good copy start cheering. We even loved this interview they did for a new children's TV channel, KidsCo. Antony: I loved school, I really enjoyed school from a young age Simon: Were you a swot? Antony: No I wasn't a swot, I just loved school. Then the boys talk about which artists they'd like to work with: Duncan: Blue & Pink - that would work Simon: Get it - two colours! What does Blue and Pink make when you put it together? Antony: Is it purple? Come on Antony, who are you trying to kid. You ARE a swot! See the animated version of Blue on cartoon Boo & Me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aptaixygTIY P.S. We're interviewing Blue in Dusseldorf on Monday - if there's any question you've always wanted to ask them, email comp@popbitch.com ----------------------------------------------------- Blue have adopted an orangutan. He's called Blue. ---------------------------------------------------- >> Pyromania 2 << Do it like a duke S writes: "Interesting that the Def Leppard tribute act don't want a pot smoker. I was on a Def Leppard bus once and sat opposite Rick Allen. There were fags, Rizlas and a nice chunk of hash on the table in front of me. Part of me wanted to ask if he'd like one rolled up, but the evil part of my brain wanted to see if he could skin up one handed, John Wayne style. We sat and chatted a while and I waited to see how it would go down, but he never made a move." ---------------------------------------------------- Ruby Wax charges more than twice as much as Sandu Toksvig for after-dinner chat. You can get Vaness Feltz for a fraction of the cost. ---------------------------------------------------- >> Things that make you go hmmm << Weird Films, Jim Corr, Sonic the Gaga The future: http://bit.ly/ljAwKh Samsung decide to promote their new camera with a goat. And why not: http://bit.ly/klmXlu Some of the weirder films to look out for this year/ Inc Dinoshark and Norwegian Ninja: http://bit.ly/keRcFt Come on, you know you want to go see Jim Corr do a talk: http://www.sovereignindependent.com/events/?p=4 Duran Duran once got their lawyers on us for reporting that some of their fans had given us bad reviews of one of their gigs, but maybe it's worse in Russia. Music critic Artemy Troitsky is going on trial for insulting a rock guitarist: http://bit.ly/lFBanV Sonic The Hedgehog meets Lady Gaga. Brilliant: http://bit.ly/m7BKIH Does your dog need a parachute? http://www.k9storm.com/cataloguenew04.html ************************************************** After possibly our favourite Popbitch Popquiz yet at Camden Crawl, we now bring it to West London! So it's Soho, first Tuesday of month (The Player) AND now Portobello Rd, first Wed of month at Trailer Happiness! 730pm, stupid round like guess the R&B tune on the accordion plus fashion show in front of the Queen, silly prizes, nice company and great drinks. Come! Email for table, and say if you want Player Tuesday or Trailer Wednesday rochelle@popbitchpopquiz.com http://www.trailerhappiness.com/ ************************************************** >> End Bit << Stuff about Popbitch * Email stories, gossip: hello@popbitch.com * Subscribe or unsubscribe here: http://www.popbitch.com * Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd. * Mail by aysabtu ************************************************** Thanks to: CL, posh_duckhunter, MM, TM, LB, PR danceswithmustelids, aristocat, DM, GA, monstris ************************************************** Old Jokes Home: Q: What's big, black and steals your credit cards? A: Sony Playstation 3. Still Bored? The Sunday Sport is back this weekend: They say you can expect to see "a topless 51-stone woman who yearns to be 60-stones, a Royal porn scandal and a Premier League footballer who paid a hooker £5,000 to poo on his chest". http://www.sundaysport.com
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