What’s Doing?

Written by:





***********************************************
Have the News of The World hacking and police
corruption stories worked you up into a froth
about the state of the world? Then now might
be a good time to have a look at Amnesty 
International's new TV show:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2f8IjuqbsY
***********************************************


"What's doing?" - Rupert Murdoch
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|_|         |_|  21.07.11 ISSUE 555

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Send us stories - email: hello@popbitch.com

* Latest celebrity dogshit news
* Rebekah Brooks mini-special
* Charts: The Wanted are still number one
------------------------------------------------


        >> Brooking the law <<
        Doing it for Our Rebekah
       
    Rarely does Popbitch get on its soapbox 
    but recent events have stirred us up.

    Inspired by the News of the World, we 
    demand the right for the public to know 
    if there are any ex-News International
    execs living near us.

    As the NOTW once said on its cover 
    "Everyone in Britain has a sex offender
    living within one mile of their home".
    This is surely just as true of ex-
    News of the World editors too.

    And, like Mrs Brooks, we vow to name and
    shame any politician who impedes our
    crusade for tougher laws against 
    former red-top editors. 

    We need... Rebekah's Law!

    Come on, join our campaign. 
    It's what she would have wanted.


------------------------------------------------
Julian Assange, on arriving at Wandsworth 
prison, apparently asked the guards "Are you 
my crew?" ("No", was apparently the answer).
------------------------------------------------


        >> Watchdog <<
        Everyone wants Ace Ventura
    
    Never mind the media - it looks like the
    industry most in need of regulation is
    dogwalking. Poor, lazy celebrities who
    have been paying people to walk their 
    dogs are being ripped off and are now
    having to pay pet detectives to watch
    the walkers.

    One owner noticed her dog had developed a
    habit of shitting in the bath, so called
    in a pet investigator. Footage from the
    pet-cam showed that the dog walker wasn't 
    taking the animal out for exercise as
    instructed, but instead just put it in
    the bath to do its business. 


------------------------------------------------
The ex-wife of shadow culture secretary Ivan
Lewis owns a poodle parlour called Woof n Tumble.
------------------------------------------------
       
   
        >> Disgracing Pavements <<
        Oprah proves she's no Harry Hill
     
monstris writes:
    "Harry Hill's dog pooed in my mate's
    front garden. She was about to tell
    him off but he approached the pooch
    brandishing a large wad of poo bags
    and was very apologetic. Oprah Winfrey's
    pooches, however, happily shit on
    Chicago's Gold Coast pavements without
    as much as an 'I beg your pardon' or a
    pooper-scooper in sight."
 

------------------------------------------------
James Murdoch used to do a cartoon strip called 
Albrecht The Hun, a German antihero who 
preferred reading to raping and pillaging, 
for a Harvard satirical magazine.
------------------------------------------------


        >> Big Questions <<
        What people want to know this week

   Which tough Northern footballer shagged a
   ladyboy on holiday in Thailand? 
  

------------------------------------------------
The latest adult film parody? Wet Dream On Elm St.
Freddie Krueger with dildos instead of knives on 
his fingers. As he's famous for entering the 
dreams of children, you don't have to be Rebekah 
Brooks to find this one a little creepy.
------------------------------------------------


********  Special Brooks mini-section  ********
      (Or how a journalist from Warrington 
      somehow morphed into Marie-Antoinette)


        >> Tipped off <<
        No gratuities from Rebekah

    A waitress at Scoffers restaurant in 
    Battersea Rise tells us she served Ross
    and Rebekah at least once a week for more
    than a year while they were married. 

    He, we're told, was very sweet. 
    She, in all that time, never once left
    a tip.


-----------------------------------------------
Ross and Rebekah used to speak French to
each other in restaurants so other diners
couldn't follow their conversations.
-----------------------------------------------


        >> Wade in the waters <<
        Ross Kemp's booby-trapped basement
    
    Rumours about the domestic disturbance
    incident at the Kemp/Wade household have
    been swirling ever since it happened.
    How true any of them are is anyone's
    guess but what we can tell you is that
    the couple had a swimming pool in their
    basement and one of the arresting 
    officers nearly fell in it trying to
    apprehend Rebekah.


-----------------------------------------------
Staff at News International claim Rebekah
had a private investigator keep tabs on
Ross Kemp when they were married because
she thought he might be having an affair. 
-----------------------------------------------


        >> Ticket trout <<
        Brooks is not a happy camper

    Rebekah Brooks apparently decided at the 
    last minute that she wanted to go to 
    Glastonbury so asked a reporter to arrange
    it for her and ten friends. Somewhat
    shaken by the request, he tried to tell 
    her that it might not be possible to get 
    so many tickets. At which Mrs Brooks,
    used to having Prime Ministers at her
    beck and call, looked at him absolutely
    mystified and said... "Tickets? 
    Why would I need tickets?"
    (Rumours that she helicoptered out as
    soon as she saw that the luxury 
    accommodation site was not up to her
    usual standard in order to go to 
    Cliveden are at this point unconfirmed.)


***** Special Brooks mini-section ends  *******

***********************************************
We went to see Superinjunction at Royal Windsor 
racecourse this week and had a lovely time.
Three reasons to go on Monday to Ladies Day:
a) You can get a boat to the racecourse
b) The boat to the course has a bar on it
c) It's a one minute walk from a drinks tent
to a good space in the stand to watch the race
http://bit.ly/p6mlgP
***********************************************


        >> Badgering Cameron <<
        We WILL get an answer

    No surprise to see David Cameron very
    obviously dodging questions yesterday
    about the BSkyB bid and the company 
    that vetted Andy Coulson - he's got
    previous form. Back in 2009 he dodged 
    the Badger v Baboon question.

    We might be close to an answer though.
    With the government proposals for a
    badger cull starting as early as next
    year, could this be a sign that Cameron
    is on Team Baboon? If that's the case,
    the PM joins Abz, Daniel Bedingfield
    and Keavy and Edele from B*Witched
    in his opinion.

FYI: Notice that the badger cull was 
barely noticed in the wake of the Murdoch-
Brooks TV appearance? A nice week to
bury bad news, eh Dave?


***********************************************
Acts at last weekend’s Lovebox are made of 
sterner stuff than our PM. Want to know what 
Architecture In Helsinki and 1 of 2ManyDJs 
think on the Badger v Baboon question?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YG6X3c57gQ

Loads more from Lovebox at 
http://www.youtube.com/OffGuardGigs
***********************************************


        >> In plane sight <<  
        Gerard fails to travel incognito      

Celtiagirl writes:
    "Queues for Wednesday's BA flight to 
    Glasgow were jumped by BA staff walking
    through a tall beanie-hatted bloke. 
    The bloke was forced to take his hat 
    off before going through security, 
    revealing himself to be hamster-faced
    throbber, Gerard Butler.

    "On the plane he sat in the fifth row, 
    with the beanie slammed down and avoiding 
    all eye contact. GYAC Gerry: if you want 
    to go unnoticed, maybe don't ask for a
    VIP walkthrough to the plane. His mum,
    also travelling, looked mortified.


-----------------------------------------------
Adele and Mumford and Sons have the first and
third biggest selling albums in the US this
year so far. (Lady Gaga is number two).
-----------------------------------------------



        >> Wright plonker <<
        Nice work if you can get it

    Last week TOWIE's Mark Wright tweeted:
    "Would say just a bit of a stressful
    day 2day !! Need a tweet 2 cheer me
    up any1 ?? Xx"

    What had poor diddums been through?
    Well, LG had hired Mark to show off
    a new novelty phone in Canary Wharf.
    Despite the money for the photoshoot
    and a free phone from LG, he moaned
    all the way through the two hour promo,
    where all he had to do was stand still
    and hold onto a gadget. He even held
    everyone up because the sun was in 
    his eye a bit. The cameras had to wait
    for some clouds.


 
-----------------------------------------------
Real names of the soul stars: Aloe Blacc is
really... Egbert Dawkins III.
-----------------------------------------------

    
       >> End of the empire? <<
       Syco sends in the heavies

     Cracks are appearing in Simon Cowell's
    empire. First off he was made to look
    a bit foolish over through the 
    whole Cheryl Cole - USA X Factor saga.
    Then Simon Fuller sues over X Factor.
    And now things look like they're 
    not quite right at Syco Records.
    Leona Lewis' new single was revealed 
    a few days ago. And instead of the 
    expected praise, music fans were just
    baffled that it sounded exactly like
    Swedish DJ Avicii's instrumental,
    Penguin. 

    Avicii and his label, Ministry of Sound,
    claim they were in the process of getting
    a vocalist so they themselves could 
    release it as a single, and that Leona's 
    people had pinched the music without
    their consent. Twitter war has ensued
    with both artists making claim and
    counter-claim.

    Whatever the truth in all of this, there
    was no cause for what we're told then
    happened. That someone claiming to be a
    senior figure at Syco rang up the guy 
    who PRs Ministry's singles and,
    in a move worthy of someone like Gary 
    Farrow at their 1990s PR finest, basically
    accused him of orchestrating a huge 
    negative PR campaign against Leona and
    suggested he could make life hard if he
    didn't stop the story coming out. 
    
    
Listen to the two tracks:
http://bit.ly/ot8uUc
       
Fuller vs X Factor:
http://bit.ly/ooKuq1 


------------------------------------------------
Cheryl Cole is being considered for a show in
the States again. A talent show, we're told.
------------------------------------------------


       >> Things that make you go hmmm <<
       Toygers, Dodgers and willy windows

    2011's must-have pet: The Toyger. A cat that
    has been bred to look like a toy tiger.
http://bit.ly/qlM5Em 

    Remember neo-Nazi songbirds Prussian Blue?
    They're pot-heads now:
http://bit.ly/rfQvf0

    Flying meringues, stuffed strawberries
    and Snoop Dogg cupcakes at Katy Perry 
    themed cakeshop Cakey Perry - from
    29th-31st July:
http://cakeyperry.wordpress.com/


    See if you can get a straight answer out
    of him:
http://askmurdoch.co.uk/

    While the thought of News International
    having to sell their newspaper might be
    amusing be careful what you wish for. This 
    is the story of what happened when 
    Murdoch sold the LA Dodgers. 
http://vnty.fr/nZU0d5 
  
    Worst party ever?
http://bit.ly/rmFZ1D 

    If anyone cares what the Mercury shortlisted
    albums are, here's a summary:
http://bit.ly/notSeR 

    If Brooks or Coulson need a hideout, this
    one looks appropriate. Check out pic five:
http://bit.ly/oibLWN 



        >> Stuff about Popbitch <<

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*********************************************
Thanks to: A, CL, AM, SW, twattybanjo, LEW, 
deep-stoat, flobbit, party_b, R, monstris, 
TM, celtiagirl, DG, "the tottenham three"
*********************************************

Old Jokes Home:
Q. How did the hipster burn his mouth?
A. He ate the pizza before it was cool.


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