Stump ‘n’ Grind

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"I could shop in Waitrose every day if I wanted
to, but I want to be normal" - Susan Boyle
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|_|         |_|  17.11.11 ISSUE 570

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* Russian schoolgirl lesbian update
* Gordon Brown in joke telling shock
* Charts: One Direction are new number one
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        >> Mum's the word <<
        Some good news for Brooks      

    With the Leveson Inquiry in full
    swing and phone-hacking and alleged
    News International nefariousness in
    the news every day, we were wondering
    what had become of one of the story's
    chief protagonists, Rebekah Brooks.

    Well, as editor of two red-tops, Mrs
    Brooks was happy to break the news of
    celebrity pregnancies - as Charlotte
    Church complained to the Leveson 
    Inquiry this week, often before
    the parents-to-be wanted to tell anyone -
    so no doubt she would be pleased
    that we can share the happy news that
    she is set to unveil a new addition
    to the family by a surrogate in 2012.
    
   
------------------------------------------------
Creepiest fan at the Breaking Dawn premiere?
The woman with what seemed like the entire 
Twilight cast tattooed on her back.
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        >> Brown's black book <<
        Silvio: ever the professional

    Gordon Brown spoke this week at a
    lunch for private equity firm Carlyle
    in Paris. Obviously embracing the fact
    that he can be a little more informal
    now that he is no longer Prime Minister,
    Gordon decided to dish a little dirt -
    on Silvio Berlusconi. Specifically, a
    tale about the time Berlusconi approached
    Brown at a G20 meeting and asked him if
    he could get him Naomi Campbell's mobile
    phone number.


-----------------------------------------------
Q: What's the capital of Greece?
A: About €2.50.
-----------------------------------------------


        >> Big Questions <<
        What people are asking this week

    Which European bank, supposedly in crisis,
    spent GBP 1m on a party for 300 people
    at Harvey Nichols, Oxo Tower recently?

    Which daytime TV star once sent his
    girlfriend up to a popbitch reader's
    flat for some weed because he couldn't
    be arsed to get out of his Porsche? 
    (Also, he still hasn't paid for it.)


------------------------------------------------
Last year the Catalan government decreed that
for a hotel to be considered "luxury" they have
to serve pa amb tomàquet aka bread with tomato.
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        >> Crazy, crazy nights <<
        LA inspiration for X Factor

    One of the oddest things about X Factor
    this year is the contestants' oddball
    outfits - but then it's probably no
    surprise given that the show's new
    stylist made a name for herself by
    styling A-list nutjobs in LA, like
    Britney and Lindsay Lohan.

    And it was probably LA that caused the
    crazy streak in the stylist. When she
    first arrived in the city she rented a
    house. On the second night there she was
    woken up by someone holding a gun to
    her head. Apparently a previous tenant
    had owed some bad people a lot of 
    money and they'd come to collect. It took
    her quite a while to persuade him that
    he'd got the wrong person.

    Suddenly it all makes sense.


FYI: The acts are hopeless, PR overload
sickening and judges annoying but don't 
write off this series of X Factor yet! 
It's probably the most open contest to
date. Boylesport have a free bet offer
for new accounts. Misha B at 14-1, maybe?
http://bit.ly/t09MOq


------------------------------------------------
Sting has taken to describing his new iPad app,
"Sting 25", as an "appumentary". 
------------------------------------------------


        >> Bieber the diva <<
        Justin's strange soundcheck
    
    Could it really be true that Canada's
    cuddliest lesbian look-a-like, Justin
    Bieber, is actually a spiky little brat?
    During one of the breaks between songs
    at the filming of a recent ITV special,
    a sound engineer asked Biebs if he could
    soundcheck his mic. The reply came back,
    "No, you can't. This is my stage,
    I tell YOU what the fuck happens on it."

    Turned out that the mic was working fine
    after all as his little outburst was
    broadcast to the studio audience.

FYI: He was also heard telling ITV security,
"I know what my fucking name is, OK? Tell
them if they don't stop chanting it you'll
throw them out of the fucking studio."

FYI 2: Spotted outside the studio: 30-40 
female fans clinging to the security fence 
singing Baby at what appeared to be a 
completely empty car.


************************************************
Want to be on TV but don't know how? Join 
Casting Now, Britain's largest growing talent 
directory and find yourself on a quiz show 
or a talent show or interviewing on the 
red carpet. No experience needed:
http://www.castingnow.co.uk
************************************************


      >> Russian dollface <<
      Oh, Julia. What have you done?

    Been missing those two wholesome teenage
    faux-lesbian schoolgirls from Tatu?
    Fear not, brunette minx Julia has gone
    solo. And her debut single has been
    made by a big Swedish production team.
    Sadly not the team behind Britney,
    Backstreet Boys and Kesha's big hits.
    But one who has given songs to Miley
    Cyrus, Sean Kingston and Ashley Tisdale.

    Anyway, what she sounds like now isn't
    the most exciting thing. So what is?
    Well, it could be the fact that the
    26 year-old has had THE most godawful
    plastic surgery and seems to be
    morphing into Pete Burns.

See:
http://bit.ly/vsIYmR 

Hear:
http://bit.ly/v0TbBE 


------------------------------------------------
Ocean Park is Hong Kong's equivalent of Sea
World. And the name of the Chief Executive?
Tom Mehrmann.
------------------------------------------------


      >> Stump 'n' grind <<
      What Jimmy really liked

RR writes:
    "I worked at Leeds General infirmary
    at the same time as Jimmy Savile. He
    was certainly weird but the necrophilia
    story is not true. There was always a
    lot of hoopla every time he came into
    the hospital and he was never alone. 
    I worked with him for months and never
    saw anything to suggest he was sneaking
    off to the mortuary.

    "One of the radiographers had a withered
    hand with small stumps instead of fingers.
    Savile loved to hold her hand and stroke
    them - now that is truly strange..."



------------------------------------------------
Portishead's Beth Gibbons, Harvest Festival,
Sydney last Sunday: "Thanks ever so much. You've
all been really great and really quiet. Except
for that security guard - pissed me right off."
------------------------------------------------


        >>  Slow food, quick temper <<
        Be careful what you write to critics

    Last week in the Observer, food critic Jay
    Rayner wrote a rather spiky piece about 
    how people who eat slowly infuriate him.
http://bit.ly/tYqfUM 

    A popbitch reader showed the article to 
    her octogenarian father, as his slow 
    eating-style was a family joke. The dad 
    was a little shocked at it so decided to 
    write a cranky email to Rayner.

    So how did the food critic respond to
    the 80 year-old? With jokes or explanation?
    Nope. With a rather brutal email:

    "Have you always been this pompous, 
    patronising, joyless and tiresome or did
    it just come with time?...

    For the full exchange, read here:
http://bit.ly/sW1RGT
 

------------------------------------------------
Stefanie Powers plays polo at the North
Kenya Polo Club
------------------------------------------------


        >> Chip replacement <<
        Cracker's culinary legacy

    Poor Robbie Coltrane. His joints are
    apparently now so buggered that at the 
    Scottish Baftas this week he had to be
    helped up three small steps to the stage.

    It's no real wonder though. The L'Alba
    D'Oro chippie in Edinburgh has an off-
    the-menu special known as the "Robbie
    Coltrane". Anyone who asks for it is
    served two large fish suppers with
    sausage, a slice of pizza and four Irn
    Brus and is told of the time the actor
    came in and placed that very order.
    The owners describe in detail how he
    ate it at the counter whilst a taxi
    was waiting for him outside. 


***********************************************
Twitter film guru @Dogturd83 describes the 
Pulp preview as "the funniest trailer I've 
seen this year". See what's got him frothing.  
Strong language: 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6QHmTvrYkE
***********************************************


        >> Things that make you go hmmm <<
        Russian dolls, horse innards, hacking

    Sepp Blatter with black people:
http://seppblatterwithblackpeople.wordpress.com/

    London - Wed 23rd Nov - wanna come to a
    secret popbitch party? Drinks/music/special 
    celebrity challenge! Who will you meet? 
    Well, don't stop moving and get on up and 
    you might find out... 100 tickets and
    more info: email comp@popbitch.com
    
    News of the World's Neville Thurlbeck
    speaks out:        
http://bit.ly/sk2FHz 

    Beverly Turner on hacking:
http://tgr.ph/vsoSmY

    Boring 2011 is here! Feat Adam Curtis,
    Jon Ronson, Josie Long and someone who
    is the world expert on hand-dryers
http://boringconference.com/

    Alligator chic
http://bit.ly/rRzqkj 

    Like llamafont? You'll love this one:
http://www.dafont.com/cocksure.font

    Swindon woman trapped in home calls
    local paper:
http://bit.ly/uS0iPU 

    New, gruesome variety of Russian
    dolls:
http://bbc.in/tVuxYu 

    Woman kills and guts a horse, gets
    naked and climbs inside. For photos:    
http://bit.ly/vb8bCA 

    Jeff Stryker's Pop You In The
    Pooper is now out on itunes:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96NelAjjH4U


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Thanks to: monstris, mount_st_nobody, BDC,
uncle_whuppity, celtiagirl, stan_ogdone_
nutgone_flake, deepstoat, meow, JT, GP, 
B, DS, AM, SW, dollymixture, bingo, MB,
monkdwallydhonk, LD
********************************************
Thanks from Amy (27)'s dad:  "Please accept 
our heartfelt thanks to everyone who has 
donated or sent kind messages and thoughts 
regarding my daughter's story.  We have all 
been genuinely touched by the wonderful 
generosity and your contributions are very 
much appreciated. Take care."  stan2a10shun  
********************************************


Old Parliamentary Committee Jokes Home
Knock Knock
"Who's there?"
"James Murdoch."
"James Murdoch who?"
"I really have no recollection of that."


Still Bored?
Rachel Stevens, a furry peach and lots
of squelching:
http://bit.ly/vEw96Y 

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