Don’t mention the coffee table
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*********************************************** Need a website built or designed, but afraid you might have to employ a crazy geek to get it done? Don't be. Contact Rob @NorthernComfort He understands business as well as code stuff and is completely normal. Pretty much. http://www.northerncomfort.co.uk *********************************************** "Twitter should ban my mother" - Frances Bean Cobain "I'm the fastest pee-er ever" - Jennifer Lawrence ----------------------------------------------- POPBITCH _ _ _ _ _ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__ | '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \ | |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | | | .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_| |_| |_| 19.04.12 ISSUE 590 Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe go to http://www.popbitch.com Send us stories - email: hello@popbitch.com * It's a One Direction world * What price privacy? * Charts: Carly v Connor for no 1 ------------------------------------------------ >> Bottom gear << Our genuine thanks to Rebekah Simon Cowell's fling with Dannii Minogue got him on the front of the tabloids just when his ailing TV show most needed a push. Ex-NOTW hacks have been complaining that they had this story years ago, but Rebekah Brooks spiked it as a favour to Cowell. You can see why they'd be frustrated, but we have to be fair to Rebekah. Her power plays were not always wrong. Remember the story of Jeremy Clarkson’s affair with a blonde colleague a year ago? They'd been seen "cavorting" at a New Zealand hotel. Well, a freelance snapper took a load of rather explicit photos of the pair getting frisky on their balcony. He then took them to the News of The World. Mrs Brooks happily bought up the lot... and buried them to spare the blushes of her Chipping Norton neighbour. In doing so, she saved a nation from having to see that series of unimaginably gruesome shots. So let's just hope Top Gear's ratings never need the same help as BGT's... ------------------------------------------------ Like John Adam, Ernest Shackleton had a dog called Satan. And also one called Bummer. ------------------------------------------------ >> Gizza job! << The way to Cowell's heart Those Simon Cowell "exclusives" this week: (a) As TV interviews have revealed in the past, he likes black bog roll. (b) As he's happily admitted in many interviews, he's no stranger to the botox doctor and the special vitamin shakes/injections. (c) As he's paid Max Clifford a fortune to place these stories for years, he really likes one night stands and pretty women. (d) As she's not been shy of saying, Sharon Osbourne isn't much of a fan these days. What we're not expecting to see (but hoping that Bower's heard and will verify): (e) The story that one of Cowell's celebrity mates told us: that he doesn't really like intercourse, but is a big fan of blowjobs. ------------------------------------------------ When Will Young was on Question Time recently, he left a batch of his albums backstage for anyone who'd care to take one. What a sweetie. ------------------------------------------------ >> Big Questions << What people are asking this week Seeing as X Factor scandals are all the rage at the minute, we wonder when we'll hear about the well-known act who turned up to audition first as a pregnant teenage hooker - a sob story that, strangely, wasn't broadcast. ------------------------------------------------ Mel Blatt from All Saints spotted at a film premiere this week. "She's aged well", is all we now know. ------------------------------------------------ >> 1D, 100 stories << World goes mad for boy band There are so many stories whizzing round about One Direction at the minute, it's hard to know what's true or what isn't. Bids for Niall's bit of discarded toast reached $100,000 on eBay, but surely those bids can't be authentic? Where are One Direction fans going to get that sort of money? Mind you, the fans are kind of crazy. If they're sending death threats to the US band with the same name, maybe they're not above robbing a bank? Meanwhile, Harry seems to be going out with everyone under the sun - most of them just lazy PRs trying to get publicity for their clients by using his swordsman's reputation. And these stories have already spawned the first "Harry is gay" rumour - based on the reasoning that the older women thing must surely be because he needs a beard... (His love interest in this tale is Nick Grimshaw, btw.) ------------------------------------------------ Human Centipede 3 update: It will have a chain of 500 people but might not have plastic surgeon Dieter Laser as he doesn’t like the script. ------------------------------------------------ >> Tales from the tabloids << Another month, another tale 27 March - "Jess J and Tinie Tempah's 'secret dates'." 19 April - "Jessie Gay... Jessie is 100% lesbian." ------------------------------------------------ Our favourite story of the week: "Will.i.am has secret date with Geri Halliwell". If this one's true, we're going to start believing there is a God after all... ------------------------------------------------ >> Frank discussion << Things that shouldn't be said? Last Friday at 5pm, an email was sent to publishers (Popbitch included) from lawyers for Frank Bruno, informing them that Frank had been detailed under the Mental Health Act and stating that it would breach his Article 8 rights under the Human Rights Act if this medical information were to be published. So it wasn't a surprise to see that no-one ran the story on Saturday - either from fear of reprisal or just out of plain old sympathy for Frank. What was a bit of a surprise though, was that the next day both the Sunday Mirror and the Sun on Sunday featured the news prominently on their front pages - both containing quotes on Frank's sad battle, provided by Dave Davies, his PR. Makes us wonder if the right to privacy from the Human Rights Act, as quoted in their letter, has just come to mean the right to keep things quiet until people work out how best to spin the story...? ------------------------------------------------ A racehorse weighs about the same as an F1 racing car. ------------------------------------------------ >> Una Bummer << Keeping Stubbs off the internet After referencing the Una Stubbs urban legend last week, we were emailed by someone close to the Stubbs family. Apparently Una has no idea about the coffee table story and her kids have gone to all sorts of lengths to ensure she doesn't find out. They've pretty much banned her from using the internet for fear that she will google herself, and have told her many tales about the perils of searching for your own name online, claiming it leaves you open to scammers and hackers - just in case she ever gets tempted. We're told that the story itself is totally untrue and that Una "wouldn't hurt a fly, nor shit on a coffee table". Her kids are similarly lovely and have worked their arses off trying to cover it for this long. So if you ever meet Una, please don't mention it. ------------------------------------------------ Sunday Times reported that for every $1 newspapers won from online advertising last year, they lost $10 in print ads. ------------------------------------------------ >> The British Bieber << And, shock, he's likeable! Conor Maynard's rise to success came from uploading videos to youtube, much like the Biebster himself a few years back. But unlike pretty much anything the Canadian has released, we're liking Maynard's debut, released last Sunday. It's a bit Timberlake, and definitely a grower. Give it a try. FYI 1: Conor Maynard shares a birthday with Liza Tarbuck. FYI 2: An anagram of Conor Maynard is Random Crayon. ************************************************* New British pop sensation Conor Maynard released his brilliant debut single on Sunday. Join the Mayniacs and download it here - http://smarturl.it/cantsaynoPB ************************************************* >> Jack Wontshere << Yep, Arsenal star misses Euros The more astute readers among you shouldn't have been too surprised by the announcement that Jack Wilshere won't be playing in the Euros. Popbitch October 2011: "Jack Wilshere's injury and recuperation are worse than has been said publicly. Bone grafts and spending time in a wheelchair are being discussed. Along with a timeframe that wouldn't seem to allow a tournament next summer." ------------------------------------------------ Robert Powell was overheard saying "Little Britain is the least amusing programme ever to appear on television". Joe Pasquale agreed. ------------------------------------------------ >> Things that make you go hmm << More Gotye, zombies, Gus and Scout The best "404 - Page Not Found" pages on the net: http://bit.ly/J7oFuK Rolling Stone founder Jann Wenner’s youngest son, Gus, has jumped into the music business with Scout Willis, daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore. The offspring have formed folk-rock band Gus + Scout http://gusandscout.bandcamp.com/ What's better than a sausage making class? A sausage making class with wine: http://bit.ly/HKaidd The new Bedingfeld EP is available to hear: http://bit.ly/HVFUkQ A quick lesson in how gak got cheap: http://slate.me/JeWVpe We sent someone into a zombie-filled shopping centre in Reading. This is what happened: http://bit.ly/HSLZJl Iron Sky has been pushed back until May (boo!), but here's the latest from the Asylum: http://bit.ly/HVUNSW Goyte Vs Robert Miles: Thanks DJs from Mars! http://bit.ly/JNjHj0 If you enjoyed our Claire from Steps Spinal Tap story last week but would like to see it illustrated with blurry YouTube stills that don't really show anything in particular, the Mail Online have kindly followed it up by providing exactly that... http://bit.ly/HUUsgU Badgers better hope baboons don't get their hands on The Art Of War: http://bit.ly/I15fWh *********************************************** The London Eurovision Party is back! Sunday 29th April. Loads of this year's acts - live! Discounted tickets with this code: OGAEUK http://www.londoneurovision.com *********************************************** >> Stuff about Popbitch << * Email us stories, gossip, otter pics: hello@popbitch.com * Subscribe or unsubscribe here: http://www.popbitch.com * Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd. * Mail by aysabtu ********************************************* Thanks to: AG, The Merkin, GHK, JS, N, CB, BD, Anon, KZ, NS, CMH, D_notice ********************************************* Old Jokes Home An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a Dane, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Slovak, an Australian, an Egyptian, a New Zealander, a Japanese, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Uzbek, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Israeli, an Estonian, a Brazilian, a Liechtensteiner, a Moldovan, a Syrian, an Aruban, a Mongolian, a Portuguese, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Cook Islander, a Norfolk Islander, a Haitian, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Tajikistani, an Armenian, an Albanian, a Samoan, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Belarusian, a Qatari, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Cuban, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Kyrgyzstani, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, an Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Bulgarian, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and two Africans walk into a fine restaurant. "I'm sorry," says the maître d', "but you can't come in here without a Thai." Still Bored? Crap Branded Apps (or 'Crap Brapps') http://crapbrapps.tumblr.com/
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