Harry Potter and the Beanie Baby

The latest issue is now available to read online...

Andy Murray 4-1 to win Wimbledon. It could
be his year - andymurrayometer.com says he
is currently 87% British! Worth a flutter...

"I'm sick of girls who don't know how to
high-five" - Aaron Sorkin
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|_|         |_|  05.07.12 ISSUE 601

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* Julian Assange's birthday bash
* Killer poppies land in London
* Charts: Maroon 5 are number one

        >> Under the thumb <<
        Kanye and the godfather

    Kanye West has got himself a new
    management consultant - Irving Azoff.
    Would that be the same Irving Azoff
    who was recently named the most powerful
    man in the music industry and just so
    happens to be godfather to Kanye's
    current-yet-somehow-implausible squeeze
    Kim Kardashian?

    Why, yes! The very chap!

Press release for the Jeremy Deller launch
this week: "7.00pm - 8.30pm Sussex Wildlife
Trust are bringing a live bat".

        >> Paedo pap <<
        Scientologists take no chances

    A LA paparazzo tells of the time they
    were assigned to do a job outside the
    Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre.

    They were sitting in their car, in
    the busy street outside, when a girl
    came out of the centre with a bunch
    of leaflets in her hand. She walked
    up and down the street putting a
    leaflet on every windscreen. Finally
    she got to the pap's car, slapped
    one on his car and went back inside.

    He jumped out and read the leaflet.
    It was a photo of him, with a reference
    to him being a paedophile.  

    In a panic he ran up the street,
    ripping them off every car... only to
    find that - except for the one on his
    car - they were all completely blank.

    He considered himself warned off.     

Barclays' ex-COO, Jerry Del Missier, has a
tattoo of his dog on his shoulder.  

        >> Big Questions <<
        What people are asking this week
    Which former premier league star got
    so drunk at a Marbella beach club that
    he let his mates strip him naked and
    throw him in the pool, where one of
    them pretended to suck his rather
    small cock?

Julianne Hough sent Daniel Radcliffe a love-
letter and beanie baby on Valentine's Day, when
an extra in Harry Potter and Sorcerer's Stone.

        >> It's my party... <<
        ...and I'll hide if I want to

    TV networks from around the world have
    been bidding for an exclusive interview
    with Julian Assange, at home in the
    Ecuadorian embassy. This was supposed
    to have been finalised early this week.

    When one of the bidders called to find
    out what had happened, they were told
    by an embassy worker that they'd not
    been forgotten but everything had been
    put on hold so staff could sort out
    another urgent priority instead.
    Organising Assange's birthday party.

Gatz - the play version of Great Gatsby
(where the book is read out word for word)
ends 15 July. Popbitch is offering GBP 77.50
tickets for GBP 45 for 3 performances only
(Fri 6 July, Weds 11 & Fri 13 July).
Starts at 2.30pm in the afternoon and runs
until 10.30pm the same day – it's an epic
commitment but one worth making!

        >> Tabloid agenda <<
        Looking for Britain's good points

    One red-top editor to staff last weekend:

    If you're going to the Stone Roses gigs
    please keep your eyes open for any
    'anti social' behaviour from fans....
    ...peeing in gardens, pulling up plants,
    breaking wing mirrors, being sick in the
    street..... (we've all done it.) Please
    take a picture on your phone of anything
    you see and let the newsdesk know.

ASDA has pulled six out of the nine varieties
of Alex James's cheeses from their shelves.
Sweet chilli and spring onion survived the cut.

        >> Furious Lee <<
        How to deal with amateur paps

    Stewart Lee was drinking in the
    Cloisters in Salisbury last Saturday
    when he was accosted by two very
    drunk men looking to take a picture
    with him. When Lee declined their
    request, the boys went ahead and
    decided to take one anyway - with
    a very bright flash that gave the
    game away.

    Lee then stood up and, pointing at
    them in turn, said "You're a cunt
    and you're a cunt".

    And then stormed out.

Desmond Tutu - so good on things like world
peace; esoteric on the badger v baboon question:
"Baboons are vicious..."

        >> Flower power <<
        And they call this poppy love

    At this week's unveiling of the Bomber
    Command Memorial, a Lancaster flew over
    and dropped poppies all over Green Park.

    The news showed images of poppies gently
    fluttering down to earth. What they didn't
    show was that about 80% of the poppies
    came down stuck together in two huge lumps
    and hit the ground with a sizeable force,
    near the crowd, at a speed that could have
    killed anyone it hit.

    Which would have been ironic.

Frankie Dettori has been in Ibiza. He was very
friendly to fans, but made sure he stood on a
step when in photos with anyone over 6ft.

        >> Feather wait <<
        Gilbert hearts Dorian

    Ticket sales for the Birds Of A Feather
    live show might not have set the box
    office alight, but Lesley Joseph seems
    to be enduringly popular.

    She has her own personal stalker, Gilbert.
    He waits by the stage door to request a
    dinner-date with her and also leaves her
    a Barbie doll, a good luck card and
    Haribo Mixtures before each performance.

Eric Sykes was banned from attending
Hattie Jacques' funeral.

        >> Fishy tales <<
        Rock and roll never dies

    The rockers of yesteryear... bet
    they've got some stories to tell, yeah?
    Here's a selection of the highlights
    from the recent Facebook updates of
    Fish from Marillion:

    * Fish has received a 900 pound bill
    for two months of electricity after
    being incorrectly fitted with a 3 phase
    meter. He's being charged for 5,947
    kilowatt hours.

    * The load on Fish's house has been
    checked. It comes in at 18.7 amps.

    * His hot water boiler can only draw
    3k according to the element spec, yet
    it's somehow registering a draw of 6.7k.

    * EON accidentally put his home phone
    out of use for an afternoon after
    putting the call on hold rather than
    hanging up.

    * Both Lenny and Ruth from EON are
    very nice and are doing all they can.


George Entwistle, the new DG of the BBC, is
the man who brought Miranda to the BBC1.

        >> Popbits <<
        Going mildly retro

    New records, sounding a bit old:

    1. Little Mix - a bit
    Christina Aguilera

    2. Florence ATM - quite Arcade Fire

    3. Alex Reid - autotuned Ian Brodie


FYI 1: That's not a recommendation for
the Alex Reid track. It's truly awful.

FYI 2: No Chantelle and Alex in OK this
week - did even Richard Desmond baulk at
their financial demands?

Ned's Atomic Dustbin, Back to the Planet and
Senser are raising their whiffy heads on the
niche festival circuit this summer.

        >> Blackballed <<
        Lloyd-Webber does a Panorama
    Why did Jade McEwen come only fifth at
    Eurovision? According to Andrew
    Lloyd Webber, it wasn't because
    the song was poo. (Come, on can
    you still hum it? Us neither).
    It was racism.

    Picking at old wounds, he claims they
    suffered as Eastern Europeans wouldn't
    vote for a black artist: "If you're
    talking about Western Europe - Germany,
    fine; France, fine; Spain, fine; Greece,
    fine; Scandinavian countries, fine.
    But Ukraine? Not so good."

    That'll be the Ukraine who had
    black pop superstar Gaitana representing
    them this year, will it?

FYI: Check out the comments:

UK has got points from 39 different countries
in Eurovision in the last four years, putting a
hole in the "Everyone hates us!" theory.

        >> Hmms <<
        Gove porn, Quo, tea

    Jay-Z's 99 Problems and the Fourth
    Amendment - a legal breakdown:

    An erotic Michael Gove dinosaur

    Frankel misses the Coral Eclipse on
    Saturday... and now so does So You Think.
    Which makes it a very competitive race -
    Nathaniel? Twice over e/w?

    That Status Quo movie we mentioned?
    Here's some pictures from the set:

    Lionel Richie teapot:

    What Facebook developers liked to listen
    to at work? Daft Punk's Harder Faster
    Better Stronger:

Last chance to come to Popbitch quiz for ages
Wed 11 July, 730pm, Century Club W1.
Last tables available... All-new quiz rounds
and sounds with Tom Webb and Will Barrett
plus Des O'Connor related prizes!
Email: comp@popbitch.com

     >> Stuff about Popbitch <<

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Thanks to: charlieboi, JH, HMJ, monstris,
fayekorgazm, inthepocket, badhorsey,
bitterqueen, JE, G, bobbifleckmann,
deep_stoat, whitemaninhammersmithpalais,
absoluteshower, lenorman, flobbit

Old Jokes Home
Higgs Boson goes into a Catholic church.
The priest says, "You're not welcome here."
Higgs Boson says "You can't have mass
without me."

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