Terry Nutkins’ Okra Otters

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"There's a famous argument: music should be 
free like water. To which I say, have you seen 
London water rates recently?" - Neil Tennant
POPBITCH           _     _ _       _
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|_|         |_| 20.09.12 ISSUE 611

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* Official: no penguins in the jungle
* Love comes storming back for Ronan
* Charts: Script v Example for number one

        >> Room service <<
        Hospital hooker shocker      

    German Gorbuntsov was the Russian victim 
    of that failed assassination attempt in
    Docklands earlier this year. He's still 
    in hospital, guarded by a crack team of 
    armed bodyguards, a situation which is 
    causing some friction at the hospital.
    Some of the Russian heavies think it's
    perfectly acceptable for them to hire in 
    ladies of the night while hospital bosses, 
    er, don't. Spoilsport bureaucrats, eh.

Anagram of Willard Romney is - Weird, normally. 
(And in case anyone missed this one: 
Kate Middleton = Naked Tit Model.)

        >> Sporting chance <<
        Quizzical looks in Dubai

    A cautionary tale for the Jake Humphreys
    of the world, ditching the BBC for 
    upstart football channels.

    Remember Rob McCaffrey? He used to 
    present Sky Sports' Goals on Sunday,  
    but moved to Dubai in 2007 to anchor 
    their big Premier League show. In 2010
    the show was canned and he ended up
    working on a minor channel. He got a 
    new job this week - presenting a weekly 
    quiz night at a mid-range bar, 
    Carter's at Wafi. 

    The going rate for this kind of work in
    Dubai, we're reliably informed, is 
    around AED 4,000 per month. Or 600 quid.

Apple products are estimated to account for
one-third of projected Chinese export 
growth in the rest of this year.

        >> Big Questions <<
        What people are asking this week

    Which new BBC comedy star was let
    go from a previous job after his 
    enormous cocaine habit lead to him
    threatening to kill one of his
    colleagues while off his nut at work?

Robbie W on One Direction, in The Sun, 
"perform like they've never met each other - 
like frantic, looking around to see where they 
go next. They look like I feel in my head."

        >> Shy Shy FX <<
        No penguins in the jungle
    Jungle legend Shy FX was at Bestival.
    His manager bought him a penguin suit
    to wear at Bestival. He refused.

    An unrelated but funny fact - Shy FX
    shares a studio building with Nero.

Mailonline yesterday: James Carter, who found 
the Romney video, the grandson of ex-pres 
Jimmy, had (Canadian) Vanity Fair editor 
Graydon Carter as his Dad too. 

        >> Taylor made <<
        Swift sequesters sofa

MDS writes:
    "I was coming back from Rio, in the
    airport business lounge. A bunch of 
    heavies take over a section of the 
    packed room. In walks Taylor Swift.
    She lay down on a sofa and only 
    allowed select entourage in the
    'reserved' section. It was the only
    place with empty seats. Didn't much 
    like her before. Even less now."

Disappointment of the week: The National
Enquirer said Brad Pitt, in a UK hotel bar, 
asked for "Something that tastes like 
Budweiser". Oh Brad.

        >> Squashing rumours <<
        Viva la difference! says Closer

    London's Closer magazine has been on
    major damage control since the 
    Middleton nips appeared in the 
    French version.

    You can understand this - it would be
    terrible to be mistaken for a 
    magazine famous for photos of a 
    beautiful topless woman, rather than
    one whose big feature in the same 
    week was of a 38 stone woman who
    charges 500 pounds a time to men
    whose sexual fetish is to want an
    "extreme squashing" with her 
    "15ft stomach".

CRAZY HORSE PARIS presents Forever Crazy, 
the most seductive cabaret in Paris, coming to 
life on London's South Bank this September. 
WIN TICKETS: Email competitions@akauk.com 
with ‘Crazy’ in the subject:

        >> Bieber squealer <<
        Cocking about with Justin

    Justin Bieber likes to play a little
    game with men in his entourage - a game 
    which involves him taking swipes at their
    crotches if they leave them unguarded.

    Most of them have got pretty good at 
    blocking now, but Siva from The Wanted
    got a nasty shock recently when the 
    two acts were hanging out. Biebs
    jabbed him full on in the cock.

    Bieber's manager, Scooter Braun, 
    suggested Siva return fire; saying the  
    reciprocal ball-punch was "fair game". 
    Siva clenched his fist. Then Bieber 
    suddenly lost his sense of fun.  
    "No", he said "It's not."

More - New Yorker on Scooter Braun:

We said last week, Nick Lachey called his son 
Camden John - Kristin Cavallari named hers 
Camden Jack in August.

       >> Kermode's commode <<
       TV exec swaps whoopsie sofa

    You'd think David Kermode, editor of 
    Daybreak, would have enough to keep 
    him busy after last week's lukewarm 
    relaunch with Aled Jones and Lorraine
    Kelly. But most recently he's been 
    preoccupied with replacing the bright
    orange vinyl sofa which he had 
    installed in his office in the summer. 

    It looked lovely. The only problem
    was it made a loud farting noise 
    (just like CJ's office chair in Reggie
    Perrin) whenever anyone sat on or got 
    up from it. It's now been replaced by
    something less percussive.

When Theo Paphitis bought Robert Dyas recently
he set up an acquisition vehicle for the
purpose. And named it "Gladys Emmanuel". 

         >> Ro-mance <<
         Love comes storming back

    What a lovely surprise to see in the 
    tabloids that Ronan Keating finds love 
    again. "Love split singer Keating is 
    blown away by former X Factor producer 
    Storm". They've apparently "grown close"
    over the past weeks.
    Then we dug out Popbitch issue 537 from 
    March 2011 and read this "When Ronan was
    away in Oz last year judging X Factor,
    he got rather close to one of the 
    production staff there... it does seem a 
    bit mean of the tabloids to be trying so 
    hard to get the staffer to talk about it 
    now that Ronan and Yvonne have reconciled."

    So not a total surprise, after all. 
    And possibly clears up the mystery of
    why she refused to spill the beans.

Everyone's seen Kate Middleton's tits now -
but one interesting fact in Closer 
was how much she was seen smoking.

        >> Dentalist <<
        Toothy tales with Jimmy    

    One week after he made an appearance 
    on Channel 4's Paralympics coverage,
    sending a mobility cart off on an
    important mission to get him a 
    toothbrush from Westfield shopping 
    centre, Jimmy Carr was back at the 
    Park to watch the opening ceremony. 

    So it was odd for him to be found
    in the toilets before the
    ceremony, vigorously brushing his
    teeth, amid the swarm of men 
    rushing in for a last minute piss.

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        >> Hmms <<
        Music, May, MC Hammer

    A Review of Taken 2 by someone who
    thought he was going to hate it:

    Elite cathexis v elite defection - 
    is Romney toast?

    Mr Romney or Mr Burns?

    On Saturday, go to Compressed Fest at
    The Miller, London Bridge. It's a 
    festival, but smaller:

    New James Iha album - after a 15 
    year wait, hurrah!

    The new Breakbot album is 
    recorded in D Minor. And is great:

    Ben Folds Fraggle:

    Very much enjoying the groove of
    Andrew Ashong's Flowers:

    How to concentrate better at work -
    "experiment with peppermint" etc 

    It's time to get behind Brian May
    and save the badger! (Who will be 
    left to fight the baboon?)

    Nick Clegg -  the remix:

WANT GOSSIP AND BITCH? Get your arse over 
to http://www.bohomoth.com for a deliciously 
gossipy dose of celebrity & fashion news 
served up with lashings of bitch.
POP is opening its doors for high-class 
cornography in Portobello Rd this month.
Come down, tell us Popbitch sent you, and 
we'll treat you like a POP star with free 
samples of pure-fruit sodas and flavoured 
and coated popcorn. Follow us on Twitter - 
@PopLondon - for news on opening date.

     >> Stuff about Popbitch <<

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Thanks to: AM, AW, M, DM, WMJ, KC, C,
HorseFan, KB, P, TB, teamy, SG, SK, CL,

Old Jokes Home
My life was in tatters because of my 
obsession with the Okey-Cokey. 

But I turned myself around and that's 
what it's all about!

Still Bored?
Lambeth Country Show Vegetable Carving comp.
Harvest Cocker v Terry Nutkins!

Fancy Another?

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