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"We looked like five men dressed as women" - 
Victoria Beckham on the Spice Girls
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POPBITCH           _     _ _
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|_|         |_|   17.07.08 ISSUE 406
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go to http://www.popbitch.com

* Don't panic, I'm Islamic
* When David David met Chesney Hawkes
* Charts: McFly are number one
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        >> Punch drunk <<
        Everyone wants a piece of Ricky

    Poor Ricky Hatton. One minute he's a World
    Title fight contender and everyone's favourite,
    the next he's starting to attract tabloid ire
    for his boozy tour of Britain. What Ricky
    probably doesn't know is that there's any 
    number of freelance hacks following him 
    looking for a front-page exclusive. He might
    start to be a little more careful about the
    girls he talks to on nights out...


-----------------------------------------------------
Stephen Fry commands less to turn up and speak than
you have to pay to get Kid Kreole and the Coconuts
or Vernon Kay. But does cost more than Paul Ross.
-----------------------------------------------------


      >> Big Questions <<
      What people are asking this week

    Which love-split rat might be finding it
    hard to keep his nose clean because he
    keeps putting so much cocaine up it?

    Which supermodel had a stand-up row with
    her husband at a big celebrity social
    event in front of other guests who were
    shocked at his language to her?


*****************************************************
See Rufus Wainwright as Elvis Presley in highly 
acclaimed Teddy Thompson's new video, In My Arms:
http://zaphod.uk.vvhp.net/v-v/080717122416
*****************************************************

     
        >> Don't panic, I'm Islamic <<
        From double glazing to laserquest
        
    Labour and Conservative MPs were banned from
    attending last weekend's IslamExpo for some
    spurious Islamophobic reasons. Popbitch 
    attended and this is the sort of disgraceful
    extremism we encountered:

    * bouncy castle
    * laserquest (queue was too long so sadly
    we gave up)
    * double glazing - special offers
    * great range of baby t-shirts, including
    "Don't Panic, I'm Islamic" and "Allah's
    Small Soldier"
    * men's t shirts in bright orange with the
    slogan "My mate got sent to Camp X-Ray
    and all I got was this lousy t-shirt"
    * Rabbis V Imams V Priests five-a-side 
    football. (The Imams won 4-0)
    

-----------------------------------------------------
Jude Law spotted with two children saying to 
one of them "You shouldn't talk about Nanny
Ludlow like that."
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        >> When David met Chesney <<
        The one and only bacon sandwich
        
GB writes:
    "Last Sunday Chesney Hawkes was standing in 
     the wings nursing a coffee while he waited 
     to go on as a guest on Adam Boulton's Sky 
     Sunday morning chat show when he was
     approached by recently resigned Conservative
     MP David Davis, also a guest on the show.
     Was he about to ask for The One and Only's 
     autograph? No. "Could you get me a bacon
     sandwich?" asked the politician, mistaking 
     Chesney for a member of the crew. 
     The singer dutifully replied 'I'm sure 
     we can arrange that, Sir'."

-----------------------------------------------------
The name "ferret" is derived from the Latin furittus, 
meaning "little thief".
-----------------------------------------------------


        >> It's Britney (and Madge) bitch <<
        What's happening on tour with Madonna

     Britney has been recording videos for Madonna's
     tour. The first sees her in a hoodie trapped 
     in a lift "cracking up and going mental", 
     before delivering her "It's Britney, bitch" line.
     This kick starts a mash up of The Beat Goes On
     and"Piece of me. The video for this has
     Madge and Brit mummified. Men wearing nothing
     but leather thongs unwrap them, to reveal the
     scantily-clad singers getting it on.
 

-----------------------------------------------------
More Madonna: there will be medleys featuring
Dance tonight/Borderline/Open your heart/Heartbeat. 
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        >> Draper answers siren call <<
        Don't worry about me, I'm a psychiatrist

    November 2004, former New Labour lobbyist 
    Derek Draper, back in Britain after studying to be a 
    psychotherapist in California, wrote an article 
    in the New Statesman saying that he was the only  
    one from his peer group to have stepped away from
    politics and made a new life. 

    Draper said that politics exerted a powerful
    pull on those with no self-worth, "For anyone
    with an underdeveloped sense of self-esteem, 
    this is a lifeline... I suspect that what ultimately
    matters to my old comrades is not what they do  
    for politics, as they claim, but what politics
    does for them."

    So Draper bravely went off, married GMTV muppet 
    Kate Garraway and threw himself into developing
    a TV career. Attempts for the pair to become the
    new political Richard and Judy haven't worked
    and the high point has been appearing as 
    Jeremy Kyle's on-screen therapist.
    
    So how has this quest for self-worth and the 
    kind of stable personal and professional life
    which is deaf to what he called "Westminster's
    siren call" turned out?

    July 2008, “Draper is to be the first appointment 
    by Labour's general secretary, Ray Collins, to 
    help revive the party's fortunes.” The Guardian.


-----------------------------------------------------
dawnsyndrome writes: "I spent a very nice evening with 
Aisleyne. She was very accommodating and regaled us 
with tales of Mike Tyson having a go at her tumpsy."
-----------------------------------------------------


        >> Seeing Amy's kebab <<
        Winehouse minders "polite"
 
J writes:       
    "Amy Winehouse popped in to my local kebab house
     at the end of last week, around two in the 
    morning.  She handed out cards from a pack to
    some of the other diners. I have to say, her
    three large minders were very polite.

    "She's nothing left on her bones, though. Won't 
    make thirty if she doesn't stop, which would 
    be a huge pity 'cos she's flaming talented and
    has never hit me."


-----------------------------------------------------
Popbitch's favourite debt collector... Sinclair 
Goldberg Price's, Mr Steve Hassall.
-----------------------------------------------------


        >> Legal rubbish <<
        The final word on Lord Judge

    QC writes: “The new Lord Chief Justice was not
    previously Judge Judge, he was Lord Justice Judge,
    and before that he was Mr Justice Judge.  He will
    now become Lord Judge, Chief Justice.  An even 
    more aptly named judge some years ago was 
    Mr Justice Dunn.”


*****************************************************
Evil little girl unleashes thick, sticky, 
delicious death on town...slowly:
http://tinyurl.com/6rj5ts
*****************************************************


        >> Things that make you go hmm <<
        White lions, rim jobs, Flaming Lips

    Flaming Lips look to be close to releasing their
    movie Christmas On Mars, which has been seven
    years in the making. They play Lovebox Sunday:
http://www.lovebox.net/weekender

    Sienna in a bikini anyone? Time for some celebrity
    beach body spotting!
http://tinyurl.com/5s8n8a

    Sex Toys for Superstars. 20% off Everything:
http://www.blacklabeladultshop.com

    Funny:
http://rim.jobs

    Klepto ferret:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5av4m1hD_Tg
    
    White lion cubs:
http://tinyurl.com/5up55c
        
    Cost of living up, cost of T-Shirts down.
    Over 80% of our lines now £9.99:
http://www.teefly.com


    >> Chart Predictions <<
    New entries/High climbers Sun 20th July 

++ Number One
McFly One For The Radio

++ Top Ten
MADONNA Give It 2 Me

++ Top Forty
ONE NIGHT ONLY You And Me
PRIMAL SCREAM Can't Go Back
NOAH & THE WHALE 5 Years Time


      >> End Bit <<
      Stuff about Popbitch

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Thanks to: AM, SW, LB, LT, SW, CS, GD, party_b, 
LC, jeffjaffacake, onthehushush, ptbear, RC, GB
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Old Jokes Home:
Q: What is pink and covered in cobwebs?
A: Madeline McCann's bike.
 
Still Bored:
Open Doors - infuriating puzzle 
(hint: going backwards helps)
http://tinyurl.com/2vd67k