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What's the most uncomfortable/unpleasant medical procedure you've endured while conscious?

42 replies

thebestnameshavegone 10:30, reply

Déjà vu

webmong 22:53, reply

Waiting for the extraction of the current qotd

pink_oboe 16:30, reply

THIS FUCKING QOTD! It has lasted longer than most of my relationships.

sec 14:28, reply


7zark7 6:44, reply

Had a tooth out two months ago. Dentist was a cute 20-something italian lady. She made a complete hash of it, clearly wasnt skilful or strong enough to pull the fucker out. After 20mins faffing about the drugs were wearing off while she huffed and puffed and inflicted untold agony on the patient. She kept stopping, asking if I was OK, to which I answered just get on with it while enduring unending pain. The tooth shattered and she started to panic. I told her to calm down and finally she managed to extract the fucker. The tooth out, blood pouring from my gob, she left the surgery saying she needed a drink. The nurse said she'd never seen anything like it. This, comrades, is the NHS. It must die, it must die.

muzar 22:45, reply

When Jim fixed it.

powermaster 17:28, reply

I had one of my front teeth missing so the dentist decided a permanent solution was needed. That meant using a chisle on the healthy teeth at either side of the gap, sticking a sharp scraper into the nerve and repeating this for a couple of hours. The 6 anaesthetics he gave me did nothing for the pain (mainly because they were put nowhere near the affected teeth). I cried a lot.

monkeyhat 16:00, reply

The doctor started my vasectomy just before the anaethestic kicked in fill in the blanks yourself

jaytee 14:18, reply

core-needle breast biopsy was certainly an eye watering experience...

horsespider 13:04, reply

Having my pubes shaved off by a very attractive nurse when I was 13. She was quite sweet about it.

bathwithkirsty 12:03, reply

Came to during an endoscopy (sedation wore off) could feel them taking biopsies from my stomach as well as retching and gagging from the pipe in my throat

flobbit 11:51, reply

Root fucking canal.

mandaliet 0:17, reply

As a child whilst in Leeds General Infirmary. I'm not sure it was a recognised procedure and, after the recent headlines, i'm not sure he was a dictor either.

weeble 17:35, reply

Root canal surgery's for pussies. I had the drainage tube from my leg removed after an operation and it was the first time I'd cried in about 15 years.

Oh, and paper cuts.

xanadu 13:41, reply

When I was a kid, I went to the dentist and he decided my mouth was too overcrowded with teeth, so he took 4 of them out. Unfortunately for me, the dentist only gave me a local anaesthetic for two of the teeth. I was screaming with pain. The dentist told me to 'shut up and stop fussing'. Who was the dentist? My dad.

mister_groping 11:06, reply

1963, Sean Connery, up my Arsh.

mrsix 10:02, reply

Having a die injected into 4 discs in my spine so they could Xray the damage. The vomiting through pain and the whole body on fire did suggest they might have gone a bit far through the disc.

kerching 8:39, reply

Divorce, then being forced to leave my children is the gift that keeps on giving. Constant cold turkey and no end to my pain.

pip_pop 23:32, reply

That circumcision I performed on Piers Morgan. Although I am not sure I was all that conscious. I hope he was though. This may not really have happened.

edmor 22:58, reply

I'm with whitemaninhammersmithpalais poster on this. I got a splinter in my finger which went septic. Cue a trip to A&E to confirm that I had blood poisoning and that it needed be removed asap. I can fully confirm that local anaesthetic is in a fact a myth, as I found out as the young lady doctor rooted round in my finger with what felt like blunt Stanley knife with blood spurting everywhere. This was then followed by a week of antibioitics which looked like something a horse would have shoved up its bum. A week later the dressing was taken off to reveal my finger twice the size and bright purple.

roger_mycock 20:29, reply

The butler had not fluffed up the cushions sufficiently when the doctor checked my blood pressure. Terrible.

powermaster 18:24, reply

A splinter from my toe. I needed gas and air. More painful than pushing Bumpsadaisy junior from my tumpsy.

tamara_bumpdeeay 17:59, reply

Reading this page has made me feel ill

whats_the_beef_chief 15:49, reply

Flexible cystoscopy. Actually the most painful thing was passing the kidney stone that lead to the bladder exam - I passed out mid piss...

friendlyfryer 15:40, reply

Torsion of the testes. Twisted bollocks are worse than you can imagine

toadhall 15:01, reply

Although curlywurly is right a q-tip should not go in there it wasn't the worst. Dawny seems to have enjoyed her colonoscopy more than I did but then mine was immediately followed by a barium enema during which they put so much barium up my tailpipe I was vomiting it out later in the day. The most painful was the removal of a threaded pin that was screwed through my shin. It was supposed to be screwed in 5 turns so that the removal was 5 reverse turns & then pull. It was screwed in an extra couple of turns. It was unscrewed & pulled then unscrewed some more & actually removed. I'd had half a Valium over three hours beforehand.

uncle_fester 14:51, reply

Had my perineum 'cauterised' back together. The stench of my own minge,burning was fucking horrific.

minky_chunky 14:26, reply

I once had a small splinter removed from my thumb, far more painful than giving birth to dead babies I think you will find.

whitemaninhammersmithpalais 14:15, reply

I once had some attitude readjustment surgery, in the army, that really hurt.

scat_man 14:07, reply

A frenuloplasty. Or repair to the banjo for the uninitiated. The anaesthetic was very local. As the Irish surgeon put the needle in, he said, "you may feel a little prick." I'd planned to sing Moon River in homage to Fletch, but could only rustle up a series of expletives instead.

ashleyjwilliams 14:07, reply

Having a sample of fluid taken from my lungs via a very large and long needle inserted via my back into my lung. As it was a junior doc it only took 3 attempts.

homejames 13:55, reply

Open wallet surgery on a new car, GBP43k for a glorified tractor ffs. I'm looking at YOU Mrs Beckham.

mongus_maximus 13:31, reply

Getting a blowjob off a nurse with a brace

spank_daley 12:57, reply

Oh I had a caesarian whilst awake because they thought the epidural was still working. It wasn't.

glitterkitty 12:55, reply

I once had a haircut when I had to listen to a half formed opinion about how Amy Winehouse was a martyr killed by the music industry.

lennie 11:35, reply

Whatever it was it didn't feel as if it lasted half as long as this QOTD

deep_stoat 11:30, reply

A colonoscopy. I had foregone the usual sedation as I thought I might get off on it. It was horrific as I had forgotten to take the complete Drain-O stuff that cleans out the bowel. How we all laughed.

dawnsyndrome 11:24, reply

STD Test. Q-tips DO NOT go in there.

curlywurly 11:19, reply

Root canal treatment whilst not properly anaesthetised. It was a bit Marathon Man except the dentist was very apologetic.

barq 11:19, reply

Was it safe?

curlywurly 11:20, reply

Giving birth to a dead baby, and a foreign doctor 'flicking' it across the room into the bin like it was a large bogey

. Do I win?

shagpile_perm 11:15, reply

Gastroscopy. Not painful, but lots of retching, plus air is blown into your stomach and it comes back up in burps full of bile. And you can feel the camera thing moving about in there.

absoluteshower 11:04, reply