The Second Serve // Hell Presidente

Neil Morrissey has offered his top three pieces of advice for life in the most recent episode of the Restless Natives podcast. They are:

1/ Don’t piss into the wind

2/ A gentleman’s socks should always match his shoes

3/ Don’t fuck a game-show host’s wife

All sound words of wisdom – and it also gives us a chance to issue your biannual reminder that Amanda Holden once claimed that Neil Morrissey’s snogging was so intense that it alone brought her to orgasm.

The Daily Mail’s got itself off to a slightly awkward start this week.

Late last week, another of their flagship columnists – Andrew Pierce – went and got himself accused of sexual misconduct. Though Pierce refutes claims that he stuck his hands down the trousers of a young journalist, two barristers have been appointed to conduct an internal investigation.

These claims comes at a slightly inopportune time, as he’s supposed to launch a new YouTube show with Sarah Vine on Wednesday – The Reaction. The ad for it is on heavy rotation in the Daily Mail canteen, so Pierce’s colleagues currently have to endure him looming over them on their lunch breaks, as he makes a vow to the camera that he “won’t hold back”.

Comedy agency Avalon is well-known in the industry for being absolutely ruthless when it comes to milking their clients for money and its agents are considered to be some of the toughest cookies in the business.

All of which made it that much weirder last year when they dropped their former client Jayde Adams mere weeks after she left Strictly Come Dancing. The time was ripe to cash in on the mainstream appeal, yet instead they cut ties – just as she had the potential to earn them a packet.

It seems she proved too much to handle even for Avalon. Or, as one of the agents put it in the meeting where they took a vote on whether or not to drop her from their roster: “I know we’re cunts, but she’s out-cunted Avalon”.

anon writes:
“Reading your story this week about the Hollyoaks star who shit their guts up at the side of the motorway: Gemma Atkinson shat her pants in footballer Marcus Bent’s car when they first started seeing each other.

“They were stuck in traffic and so they just sat there in silence with all the windows down till they got to her house and she just ran in crying. He stood downstairs talking to her mum while she cleaned herself up.”

Javier Milei, Argentina’s incoming president, is basically made for Popbitch. As well as looking like an evil Engelbert Humperdinck, he:

* Loves tantric sex (“Each man has his own dynamic. In my particular case, I ejaculate every three months.”)

* Is the focus of a scandalous rumour that he bangs his sister (which, we should point out, he denies).

* Has an image consultant who conceived of his unorthodox hairdo by mixing two famous names: Elvis Presley and Wolverine.

* Has a bizarre relationship with his pets. Has four mastiffs: Murray, Milton, Robert and Lucas – all named after his favourite economists and all cloned from his favourite dead dog, Conan. He consults with them all regularly, including Conan. Milei claims it was Conan, contacting him through a medium, who gave him the mission to be president. He also says his dogs are the “best strategists in the world.”

J writes:
“I have to admit that I had no idea Ian Levine was a DJ. As far as I was aware he had only ever existed as a nutty Doctor Who fan. The current showrunner Russell T Davies famously loathes the guy and wrote an episode mocking him in 2006 where Peter Kay played an Ian Levine parody who turned out to be a monster designed by a Blue Peter contest winner.”

We thought it might be fun to introduce a new feature in Club Popbitch, taking a story from the archives each week from the corresponding issue from Popbitch history. This is Issue #101 of Club Popbitch, so here’s a story and fact from Issue #101 of regular Popbitch.

From PB101 (30/01/02):
Anthony Bourdain tells a story of when he used to work in a restaurant at the top of New York’s Trump Plaza. One night, Frank Sinatra made an appearance, and after singing a few songs disappeared to the bathroom.

Bourdain followed a few minutes later, and noticed a pair of high heels underneath a cubicle door… at which point he heard Ol’ Blue Eyes utter the immortal words: “it’s the Empire State Building baby! Suck it! Go on, Suck it!”

Last week, we set you five new quizzes on Crazy Frog Covers, Ibiza Chillout Sessions and Drag Race Lip Syncs (S7-9).

This week, we’ve got another five for you. All you have to do is identify the songs and name the artists that performed them.

That said, today’s is slightly different in that the artists are all singing version of their songs retooled for the classic kids show Sesame Street. So give yourself a point for every artist and a point for the ORIGINAL title of the song they spoofed for Sesame Street.

[Play it here]

Why does every celebrity chef always pose with their arms crossed?
[Eater investigates]

Terry Venables doing his famous Frank Sinatra impression on 80s Spanish TV
[Watch on YouTube]

The Noel Edmonds story continues
[Read on Stuff]