The Second Serve // Large Mushroom Head

Donald Trump’s hush money trial starts today – the first ever criminal trial for a US president – dealing with allegations that he falsified business records to cover up fees paid to the National Enquirer (and parent company American Media Inc) to spike unflattering stories about him ahead of the 2016 election.

The unfolding case will bring back a whole cast of incredible characters we’ve not really heard from in a while. As we’ve followed the misadventures of the National Enquirer quite closely over the years, we thought a little primer on the wider story to date might put you in the best position to enjoy all of what’s about to happen.

You’ll no doubt hear the long list of Trump’s official charges and allegations from every other publication. But we thought you’d also appreciate being reminded of the list of other allegations that Stormy Daniels made about him as well.

* That Trump offered to cast her on The Apprentice in exchange for sleeping with him (and would also feed her information about each episode’s challenge ahead of time so as to give her an advantage).

* That Trump made her watch the Discovery Channel’s Shark Week for three hours while sat on the hotel bed.

* That Trump would take calls from Hillary Clinton during their time together (this was in 2006) figuring out ways for her to beat Obama in that year’s Democratic primaries.

* That Trump has a small penis with a “huge, mushroom head”.

* That Trump had Stormy spank him with a rolled-up copy of Forbes magazine.

The National Enquirer has been involved in covering up stories for its powerful friends pretty much since its inception. In the 1950s – when it was based in New York – the magazine was bankrolled in part by a series of weekly short-term loans from a notorious mobster: the head of the Five Families, Frank Costello.

At the time, before celebrity culture became the beast it is today, the Enquirer’s bread and butter was printing a lot of grisly crime scene photos: murders, car crashes and other such accidents.

Part of what Frank’s continued investment ensured was that any “accidents” that he or his associates may have had a hand in didn’t make it into print. So catch-and-killing had been in the Enquirer’s DNA from the start.

As well as taking mob money, the Enquirer also relied on investments from another shady well-connected figure: Roy Cohn – a New York lawyer and DC power player (and also the Trump family attorney around the time that Fred and Donald were in trouble in the 1970s for discriminatory leasing practices).

The young Donald really took a shine to Roy, adopting him as a mentor. It was Roy who showed Trump how to barrel his way from professional scandal to professional scandal without taking any flak – whether that was forging his boss’s signatures on official paperwork, dabbling in witness tampering, misappropriating clients’ funds or engaging in perjury.

Roy managed to outrun the consequences of his malpractice right up until the very end. Unfortunately his luck ran out as he lay on his deathbed.

News reached Roy that he had been disbarred over a incident where he broke into the hospital room of a dying, senile millionaire and used his drugged, semi-conscious hand to trace a signature on a document that made Roy a co-executor of the millionaire’s will. Roy lived just long enough to see his career collapse in disgrace. Then died a month later.

The Enquirer only really became the fiasco-generating force it is today after it was bought in 1999 by the exquisitely named David J Pecker.

Pecker had a unique approach to the business as the job he had before buying the Enquirer was at a “custom publishing” operation (i.e. a vanity press). There, he created flattering magazines for rich egotists who gave him money and told him what to write.

One such magazine that he produced in the late 90s was for a luxury real estate developer who loved seeing his name in print. A little read (but expensively printed) periodical that went by the name of… Trump Style.

David Pecker was the CEO and Chairman of the Enquirer/American Media Inc at the time of the catch-and-kill scandal. His second-in-command was the magazine’s editor, Dylan Howard.

Dylan (‘Dildo’ to his friends) joined the American Media family in 2010, after getting sacked from a job in his native Australia for controversially acquiring athletes’ confidential medical records.

He worked at AMI for a few years, before leaving briefly in 2012 to work for Celebuzz. (He returned a year later amid allegations of sexual harassment – and one of throwing a cock ring at a colleague).

He was welcomed straight back into the AMI fold, where he suffered no professional consequences for being thrown out of at least two Hollywood hotspots for pulling down his jeans and waving his willy about. Nor was he punished for using company time and resources to arrange his 30th birthday party in Vegas, where a call girl came to his hotel room and gave a blowjob to one of his guests in front of the entire party.

Stormy Daniels has become the face of the hush money trial. However, the 34 counts of falsifying business records that Trump’s up on also relate to the handling of a story involving a former Playboy Playmate, Karen McDougal.

McDougal has been a little more quiet, but there are a few details from her affair with Trump that this hush money was supposed to stop you from learning.

Like that, after sex, Trump used to show Karen pictures of Melania’s  modelling shoots.

Or that Karen dumped Trump to go out with Bruce Willis.

For a magazine obsessed with celebrity death and divorce, the Enquirer has proved weirdly influential when it comes to elections.

In 1988, they helped put one of the final nails in Gary Hart’s coffin by publishing a now-famous photo of him and his mistress on their front cover.

In 2010, they were nominated for the Pulitzer for their coverage of John Edwards’ affair/the lovechild he had with one of his campaign staffers.

But most interesting was the Enquirer’s role in Bob Dole’s defeat in 1996. Dole’s run for the White House was already looking embarrassingly bad, but the Enquirer dealt a serious blow when it published details about the private life of his senior political advisor, Roger Stone – who they outed as being a prolific swinger.

Stone nobly fell on his sword, resigning in disgrace, just a few weeks before Clinton trounced Dole at the ballot box. It ended up being quite a stroke of luck for Stone, as it meant he was able to distance himself from Dole’s washout – so maintained his reputation as a successful (if sleazy) campaign manager.

Which is probably why Stone leaked the swinger story to the Enquirer himself.

Last week saw quizzes on the themes of Streets, Novelties, Australia and Peleton.

This week, in keeping with today’s issue, we’ve given you the theme of Trump’s Hush Money. There’s ten songs – for the available twenty points you just have to name each song title and each performing artist (a point each). A piece of piss.

[Play it here]

If you want to read our full story on the history of the National Enquirer, American Media Inc and its influence on US politics, as a Club Popbitch member you get it free.
[The United States Of AMI]

There’s also the story of the Enquirer’s sister publication Radar, which involves a whole other raft of wrong’uns in its wider orbit. Investors like Harvey Weinstein and Jeffrey Epstein.
[Back On The Radar]

Or, if you’d prefer something totally different, a baby king penguin takes a walk through Basel Zoo
[Watch on TikTok]