Popbitch Popquiz // Latest Edition
Eight brand new rounds are here – and ready to be played! ft. a Dan Wootton Disguise wordsearch, Celebrity Yearbook, Famous Baby or Apple Variety 2023, A Question Of Sunday Sport and much, much more. All part of your membership.
[Download it for free here] |
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“If I wake up and have a bacon roll, the day’s over for me. I can never win it back.” – Olly Murs |
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A second serving of scandal and slander Subscribe
Email stories to us club@popbitch.com
* Oscar-winning blinding lights
* Do you know who James Corden is?
* PLUS: Celebrity fish’n’chip tips |
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>> Fringe benefits << |
The Edinburgh special |
August is the month where most of London media downs tools for a bit and heads up to Edinburgh to be interminable wankers up there for a while instead. To mark its chokehold on the month, we thought a little festival special would be in order.
Some old, some new – and a couple that will definitely make you want to take a shower. |
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Sean(n) Walsh once got so over-refreshed he fell asleep in the middle of an Edinburgh Fringe stand up show. His own. |
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>> The lonely hour << |
Playing with yourself |
Twitter has been awash this weekend with comedians and performers tweeting in solidarity with Georgie Grier, who posted a teary selfie after just one person turned up to her show. They’ve all been swapping horror stories of their poorly attended gigs, but the crown has to go to Jermaine Clement from Flight Of The Conchords.
The band had just one person in the audience for one of their early shows, but decided to play anyway. Because of the stage lighting though, they didn’t realise that person left partway through the show, so most of the gig was actually played to an entirely empty room (an incident they would later write into their own HBO series).
And who was the light technician responsible for blinding the band to the fact that their only audience member had left? Taika Waititi. |
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Big Answers: In Popbitch #82, we asked “Which Popstars reject was spotted getting a blowjob during a performance of Shrek in an Edinburgh cinema?” It was Darius (RIP). |
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>> Gak attack << |
All chang, please! All chang! |
Edinburgh is known for being one of the most expensive places in the UK to buy a gram of coke. So, in order to save themselves a bit of cash, a group of well-known London television executives arranged for a Geordie dealer they knew to drop off their festival rations when their train pulled in to Newcastle station.
It was a split-second plan, and it quickly hit a snag. As they were en route, the group got a message from the dealer saying he was running late for the drop. As their train was only scheduled to stop in the station for a minute or two, the execs had to improvise.
To create a distraction, they had one of their number (a man with a visible disability) pull the passenger alarm and feign a medical emergency so that the train would be held in the station while carriage crew could assist him. An act that the guy kept up until their dealer arrived and handed over the package.
As soon as the coke was secured, the afflicted exec underwent a miraculous recovery – and the train was then able to continue on to Waverley station. |
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The act of taking a shit in the sea is known in Edinburgh as “Sending a Glasgow postcard”. |
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>> Edinburgh minge << |
Getting lucky with George |
An actress who starred in a political play one year at the Edinburgh Festival found herself being approached in the bar of the Assembly Rooms afterwards by George Galloway, who had enjoyed the show and had some thoughts to share on it.
They enjoyed some drinks, some lively discussion and then – as closing time was called – a cab back to his digs for a night together.
The verdict? He was “generous” and “surprisingly tender”. |
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Paul Sinha did a stand-up show in Edinburgh last year and told of the time when everyone’s favourite journalist, Giles Coren, was on The Chase. Sinha freely shared Bradley Walsh’s reaction: “Who’s the cunt in seat one?” |
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>> Threes up << |
More tales of tail-chasing |
KC writes: “I spotted comedian Jack Whitehall in a shit club called Garibaldi’s during the festival, fingering a girl in plain view at the edge of the dance floor.”
RDRR writes: “I was lurching to the lavs in the Assembly Rooms when a voice behind me said ‘Is it red all over?’ (I had dyed my hair pillarbox red for the show I was in, and I’m ginger so… yeah) I giggled and had a few drinks with Stephen K Amos. Found it hard to walk for a couple of days.”
willdo writes: “My fellow cast member desperately launched herself at John Leslie when we bumped into him in a bar. She ended up giving him a hand-job round the back of the bar. We then had the pleasure of her arriving at the venue holding out her hand and saying: ‘Smell that! That’s John Leslie’s cock!'” |
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John Leslie once took his then-girlfriend Catherine Zeta Jones to a John Shuttleworth gig at the Edinburgh Festival. |
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>> Cordened off << |
The late, late, late show… |
CR writes:
“In 2008, when working at the Edinburgh Festival, I saw James Corden pull the ‘Don’t you know who I am?’ line when he had arrived ten minutes late for his friend’s show. The venue had a very strict no latecomers rule, but he kicked up such a fuss it worked and he was let in. Awful human being.” |
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Tim Vine is well known for his Edinburgh stunt where he bought out a huge billboard for the duration of the festival and filled it with his face just to announce he wasn’t attending. Among comedians he has a reputation for being the guy who brings his own darts to the pub, then challenges everyone to a game – and absolutely minces them. |
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>> Commoner salt << |
Celebrity cuisine tips |
LC writes:
“I was in Edinburgh in 2012 for the festival and me and my mates were in a chipper. As I like a lot of vinegar, I asked if I could put the seasonings on myself. The bored attendant duly obliged and I put the salt on, followed by the vinegar.
“Someone behind me said to me ‘You ought to put the vinegar on first and then the salt. That way the salt won’t all run off the chips.’
“In fairness, he was right. Thank you Ricky Gervais for changing my life.” |
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Anyone wanting to try the Edinburgh delicacy, The Robbie Coltrane, at L’Alba D’oro – it’s a double fish supper, drowned in salt and vinegar, two pickled onions and a black pudding “fer the dug*” (*actually for him). |
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>> Detective skills << |
The enviable fame of authors |
The Edinburgh International Book Festival also takes place over August, but usually passes by without attracting too much attention. Which makes this story all the more fitting…
Gron51 writes:
“A few years ago a friend and I were having a quiet pint or two in the Ox (Oxford Bar) in Edinburgh, famed for its starring role in all of the Rebus detective novels by Ian Rankin.
“As is usual, a group of fans on a guide-led tour of Rebus’s Edinburgh trooped in for half pints in the hallowed hall and were given the well-worn stories. They finished quickly and were going off to the next landmark when the door opened and four middle-aged gents entered.
“One of the gents obligingly, and with a smile, held the door as they left. The totally unrecognised Ian Rankin.” |
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Headline Of The Weekend: “Joe Pasquale Impaled In Freak Moose Antler Incident In Skegness” |
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>> Popbits << |
This week’s audio quizzes |
Last week saw quizzes on the themes of Brothers, Sisters, Coffee Mornings and Parties. This week sees another five, ready to test your knowledge of 50-odd years of pop music – applied to some extremely loose and tenuous themes.
Each two-and-a-half minute mix contains ten songs. You just need to name the song and the artist for a point apiece. Get all ten songs right, you get twenty points. Do that all week, you’ll get 100.
Monday’s Theme: Scotland
[Play it here] |
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For other geographically themed music rounds – and 450 others – check out the Popbitch Audio Quiz Archive [here] |
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Thanks to: JF, SM, , KC, RDRR, willdo, C, TM, CR, LC, boab, Gron51, JS |
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Old Jokes Home
Where do bad rainbows go?
Prism. (It’s a light sentence.) |
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