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Father’s Day again: sort your present for 9.99GBP and buy him (or her) a custom-made gift set of 3 Bluffer’s Guides. What’s he into? Beer, wine, football, poetry? 29 titles to choose from, so you’ll find a trio of guides to sum up your old pa. Use code “popdad”:
http://po.st/2XfgW8
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“I don’t think you understand the showbiz scene at all” – Rolf Harris
POPBITCH _ _ _ _
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|_| |_| 05.06.14 ISSUE 693
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to https://www.popbitch.com
To send stories email: hello@popbitch.com
* Slurry lover goes to prison
* Popbitch goes to Soho Theatre
* Charts: Ed Sheeran is number one
>> Outfoxed <<
Seth vesus Wendi
Wendi Deng hated Fox TV’s huge hit Family Guy so much that she told her ex-husband, and boss of Fox, Rupert Murdoch, to pass that message on to its creator, Seth McFarlane.
She even tried to put the kibosh on one particular episode, When You Wish Upon A Weinstein, insisting it should not air because it was anti-Semitic. In response, McFarlane sent copies of the episode to Chief Rabbis in Israel and LA. They both said it was fantastic, so Seth forwarded their letters to Deng who absolutely lost her shit.
The episode aired.
The King of Spain has abdicated. Another Juan bites the dust.
>> Spy games <<
Bin Brother is watching you
Looking at the Sunday Times’ great story on the Qatar World Cup, one thing seemed really puzzling. Could it really only have cost Mohammed Bin Hammam just $5 million to buy up a whole World Cup? Rumours suggest not.
Bin Hammam obviously knows a thing a two about human nature. So he’d know that any football chief who was happy to be bribed would also likely be up for a counter-bribe by any other party who was keen to secure a different World Cup outcome.
Which is why a team of spies was engaged, at vast cost, to follow those he’d targeted with gifts, to make sure that they weren’t meeting with any rivals.
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Save money and drink amazing fresh coffee. Pact Coffee will send you a 250g bag for just ONE POUND with free P&P, a saving of 5.95GBP – use code “lovepact” now at: http://bit.ly/1xbIF7P
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>> Schill trick <<
Keith and co to the rescue!
Anyone still convinced that the Qatar World Cup bid did everything above board, in light of the Sunday Times investigation into alleged bribery and corruption, is going to have trouble clinging to that hope now.
The law firm that Qatar has instructed to help protect its reputation? The very same law firm that did such solid work for paragons of virtue as Ryan Giggs, John Terry, Lance Armstrong and Tiger Woods… Schillings!
Mariella Frostrup has been making a few enemies in TV. According to crew members who spoke to us, she is incredibly rude.
>> Big Questions <<
Who wants to know what?
Which celebrity wedding was nearly delayed after two of the high profile guests went missing? Luckily the lovely ladies were found with half an hour to spare, clinched in a threesome with a random male guest. By the bride’s father. (Whose eyes, no doubt, went a little poppy…)
The same wedding had a private jet arrive fully stocked with gak for the society guests.
>> Cockwatching <<
The week in Westminster
This week: Climate change denier and ex-Chancellor, Nigel Lawson.
X writes:
“You know how for some time now Lawson has looked a bit like a barrage balloon which someone has let most of the air out of? Well, that theme seemed to continue much the same down below. Think of a noble old elephant trunk on a very, very cold day.”
Rumour doing the rounds at C5 yesterday that Luisa Zissman was in line to be axed from Big Brother’s Bit On The Side. Maybe they let her off cos it was her birthday?
>> Popbitch Live! <<
Come hang out in Soho!
We’ve been lobbying hard for Texas drag superstar CHRISTEENE to come to London. So, to mark the start of a run in London and Edinburgh, we’re taking over Soho Theatre Downstairs, Tues 24th June.
Bar from 9pm, show 9.30-10.30pm, and then DJS from Austin, Texas til late. Join us, meet fellow PBers. It will be fun. But it might be weird.
Here’s the (NSFW) trailer. WARNING: It’s not for the faint hearted…
http://vimeo.com/96606610
We have a special price, only 7.50GBP a ticket. Book here, using the code “brangit”:
http://bit.ly/UbH9Uz
More Political Anagrams:”Scottish National Party” = “Oh, nasty tartan politics”.
>> Mudderfucker <<
Slurry lover goes back inside
It seems that sex offenders just can’t catch a break these days. Savile is still in the news, Yewtree is landing punch after punch, and now the infamous slurry wanker, the man who was in the papers (and prison) for rolling around in cow pats and tugging himself silly, has just been sentenced to five years in jail.
Nicole Scherzinger plays her own music when getting ready to go out.
>> Stand and deliver <<
Staff told to get down on it
There seems to be a bit of an issue at the headquarters of Lloyds Bank. Specifically in the gents’ loos. The problem is thought to be a cultural one, having arisen when a number of technical staff who had previously been working in the bank’s Indian offices were drafted over to the London HQ.
We won’t go into explicit detail as to what’s happened exactly, but the posters showing men standing on toilet seats ought to give you some sort of clue…
FYI: If you have any others to add to our collection hello@popbitch.com
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Saint Etienne are celebrating 25 years in pop with a glossy limited edition photo book. Inc full discography and personal commentary from Sarah, Bob and Pete. 1700 copies only:
http://www.firstthirdbooks.com
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>> Out of time <<
iTunes jumping the tracks
Kasabian streamed their latest album on iTunes earlier this week. Eager to hear some of the worst lyrics of all time set to music (“Everyone’s on bugle / We’re being watched by Google”) we logged on, and we noticed something a little strange.
The album is titled 48:13, after the LP’s running time. The wanky artwork lists all of the tracks’ lengths. Yet something doesn’t quite add up, as the times that iTunes lists only total 48:06.
Simple Political Anagrams: Newark = Wanker. Osborne = Sore Nob.
>> Stonewallies <<
Campaigners have gone Hoxton
Stonewall was founded in 1989 by a small group of women and men who had been active in the struggle against Section 28 of the Local Government Act; a serious and important lobbying group set up to combat a serious attack on personal freedom.
Stonewall is 25 years old now. And how are they commemorating it? This is the email we got:
“To celebrate Stonewall’s 25th Anniversary, SNOG Frozen Yogurt have collaborated with Fashion Designer and founder of label Cassette Playa Carri Munden to create an Insta-exhibition and a selfie photo-booth stamping app (the BEST!) featuring Harry Styles, Rita Ora, Florence Welch & Nick Grimshaw”.
The protagonists of the 1969 riots that gave Stonewall their name must feel so proud.
Kirstie Alley now has a dozen ring-tailed lemurs. She employs a full-time animal handler at $40k to look after them.
>> Hmms <<
Maya, Zooey, Nazi
The late Dr Maya Angelou and Jessica Mitford performing a duet of Right Said Fred:
http://bit.ly/StoeTI
All of the dialogue in Star Wars, cut up and placed into alphabetical order:
http://bit.ly/1jQHPmW
Karen Gillan’s new scary movie just isn’t very scary:
http://bit.ly/1njWRXa
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Thanks to: JE, JB, TC, posh_duckhunter, BF, monstris, PD, LMES, __________, ST, R, BC, SM
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Old Jokes Home:
Got caught having a piss in the local swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud I nearly fell in.
Still Bored:
The Daily Mail is caught plagiarising the Planetary Society now:
http://bit.ly/1oveBOF
