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Tonight, we’re drinking and quizzing at Made Bar, the Roundhouse, Camden. Come and join us – great drinks, great quiz rounds, great table service. From 7pm, email hello@popbitch.com or http://bit.ly/1fpbSq3
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“You’d find out more truth by just walking down the street with a musical instrument than by looking at any of the news outlets” – Johnny Borrell
“Look, I don’t know anything about what’s going on in culture and I really have very little interest in it” – Johnny Borrell
POPBITCH _ _ _ _
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|_| |_| 01.05.14 ISSUE 688
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To send stories email: hello@popbitch.com
* Do-gooders play rough
* Tough days for X-Men
* Charts: Calvin Harris is no 1
>> Moaner Lisa <<
RIP Bob Hoskins
Noel Gallagher and wife Meg Mathews’ Supernova Heights house was the centre of the Britpop Primrose Hill party scene, but they weren’t always popular with the neighbours. The police and Camden Council received frequent complaints about the noise. Some time later it was discovered they usually came from a neighbour just over the road… Bob Hoskins.
So why did Hoskins appear in BT’s It’s Good To Talk ad campaign? “I’ve got 800,000 reasons, and they’ve all got the Queen’s head on them.”
>> Ex-Men? <<
Tough days for Singer
The new X-Men film, Days of Future Past, is having a hell of time. The allegations surrounding Bryan Singer are the least of his worries. Not only has he pulled out of doing all press to promote the film, he was still staging secret reshoots late last month with Michael Fassbender.
Now Paxman’s been persauded to quit Newsnight, perhaps the bosses’s plan to replace him with Eddie Mair is happening.
>> The new Deal <<
Talking loud and clear
Kim Deal’s replacement in the Pixies, Kim Shattuck, was sacked by the band last year, and no-one has ever really explained why.
Musical differences? Heroin addiction? It was something much simpler. She would never shut up and it got on the tits of the rest of the band. So they kicked her out.
So much for Record Store Day. In 2013, Blurred Lines sold more than twice as many copies as all vinyl records in UK last year.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week
Which ex-Eastenders star took so much cocaine on their Greek summer holiday last year that, according to the hotel barman, she shat herself and didn’t really notice. Unfortunately for her she was in her bikini, by the pool, so everyone else did.
Poor old Grazia – will their relationship predictions ever go right? This week they report “Harry’s relationship with Cressida has continued to gather pace…”
>> Eat your Greens <<
Do-gooders play rough
Greenpeace have a popular vegetarian chef at their London HQ. She serves lunch at 1230. So sought after are her meals that one department took direct action on another, the press office, by turning their clock back a few minutes so they would be late and end up behind the in the queue.
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Planet of the Grapes Saturday Wine school. June 14th, July 12th. A bullshit-free introduction. Five hours, 10 wines, enough cheese and charcuterie to keep you going. Call 020 7405 4912 or email shop@planetofthegrapes.co.uk
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>> Swear it again <<
Westlife sex life in court
As part of Andy Coulson’s cross-examination about the Milly Dowler story in the News of the World, the jury in the hacking trial had to go through that entire issue of the paper, from April 2002.
And what exciting exclusives did they get to read? Ones like this:
“Westlife Star Gets Touchy Feehily (But He Only Has A Little Weehily)” in which a kiss’n’tell girl, and the paper, gave Mark Feehily a roasting for his prowess in bed.
In amongst the claims, the 18 year old Swedish stunner Mersina said that he wasn’t very “adventurous”, that he was more interested in sleeping than satisfying her and that he was a disappointing lover.
Poor old Mark Feehily. He must have got so tired of such nonsense that, not long after, he publicly came out as gay.
Day Today Headline of the week, from the Sunday Times: “Paedophiles To Be Treated As Terrorists”.
>> Euro-revision <<
Getting ready for next week
With days to go until the first Eurovision semi-final, rehearsals are well under way. So what should you be most looking forward to?
GOOD STAGING:
* Austria – Looking more like a Kardashian than Khloe, Conchita Wurst should be a huge star.
* Hungary – Excellent American-Hungarian child abuse themed d’n’b:
* Greece – How do you stage a bouncy summer holiday dance-rap? With an on-stage trampoline, of course.
BAD STAGING:
* Armenia – Great song; enormous dub breakdown; massive favourite – but can a man alone on stage carry it off?
* Azerbaijan – Lovely jazz ballad. With a distracting trapeze artist.
* Ukraine – Will test Europe’s sympathy vote with the bizarre hamster wheel they’re using.
FYI: Crimea will be voting as part of Ukraine on Saturday, not Russia, as their phone system is still Ukrainian.
FYI2: Eurovision – a “hotbed of sodomy at the initiation of the European liberals” – VOTE AUSTRIA!
http://bit.ly/1o6fpJQ
Jimmy Somerville spotted in a Kemp Town patisserie, buying two wheat-free somethings and a couple of petits fours.
>> Carr-ousel <<
Jimmy packs his bags
mrzipski writes:
“Spotted at Gatwick getting off a plane from The Maldives on Friday, Jimmy Carr and a lady. They collected three large suitcases each from the carousel. Which many observers felt was a tad excessive. Unless he was working out there and they were full of stage clothes or something. Either way, no-one in the arrivals hall saw his cock as far as I know.”
S writes: “Re your story last week, I feel I should defend Natalie Dormer. I did a sponsored thing to raise money for drama school and she gave me 100 quid.”
>> Peach Recognition <<
It’s time to #Download4Peaches
We were suprised to find out that Peaches by the Stranglers hasn’t seen any significant sales uplift in commemoration of the late Ms Geldof.
Wonder if it will be the same for Golden Brown?
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Rubberbandits are doing their excellent new show Continental Fistfight in that big purple cow on the Southbank, May 10th at 7.45pm. Very special Popbitch price: 10GBP for 15GBP ticket. Code is YOKES.
http://www.underbelly.co.uk/rubberbandits
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>> Hmms <<
Culkin, cakes, KKK
Nom Dem of the week – Don Popadick arrested for… flashing. He’s been charged with “Mischief”:
http://bit.ly/1mgVScV
What wine should you order with Guinea Pig?
http://bit.ly/1i0m3fF
KKK man arrested for shagging black man, dressed as a woman:
http://nydn.us/1pRNH8c
The website that proves the internet is a very bad thing:
http://bit.ly/1fB1bRo
How everyone wants to look at their funeral:
http://bit.ly/SdgAx5
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Thanks to: TM, deep_stoat, LT, Ulysses, celtiagirl, monstris, mrzipski, DY, AM, SL, __________________
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Old Jokes Home:
Max Clifford gets sentenced tomorrow?
Must be a lot of people wondering what to do with their other two wishes…
