Celebrity Marbles Monitor

The Mirror ran a story this weekend about the prominent media pundit (and PM’s sister) Rachel Johnson flouting the lockdown rules, staying overnight in her London home and playing tennis on ‘essential’ work trips when she was supposed to be isolating in Somerset.

Embarrassing for her, no doubt. Embarrassing for the Prime Minister too. But for some reason the media appears to be sparing the blushes of the man who was photographed leaving her property: editor of The Times, John Witherow.

Evidence of the famed Fleet Street omertà that never dares snitch on its own? Maybe. But we also shouldn’t discount the possibility that the journalists just didn’t recognise Witherow. Even Witherow’s own staff are starting to forget what he looks like. For although he was evidently prepared to bend the rules to pay a socially undistant visit to his tennis partner, he’s not been seen anywhere near the skeleton staff at the office.

Last week, we mentioned that Harry and Meghan’s grand plan to lie low in Los Angeles had gone slightly awry, with them having to phone the LAPD on five occasions last month to complain about photo agencies flying drones over their house.

Since then, the photo agency Coleman-Rayner has been in touch to assure us that the drone that’s been causing the Sussexes so much grief has nothing to do with them. Naturally, we are only too happy to correct the record.

But if it’s not Coleman-Rayner doing it, then that can only mean one thing. There must be more than one doggedly determined paparazzi agency operating in LA.

If only they’d known before they moved.

As Wimbledon is cancelled this year which pundit will be free to spend a bit more time doing what he really loves: loading up on pharmaceuticals and calling on old girlfriends to peg him senseless?

We’re now 11 weeks in to sending out our emergency daily lockdown editions – and with Covid alert levels flitting about where they are, it looks like we might be here for a while yet.

If you haven’t signed up yet, there’s 60-odd extra mini-issues of Popbitch waiting for you in our daily archive – which also doubles up as a handy sign-up page so you can start getting a small shot of Popbitch silliness direct to your inbox each afternoon.

[Sign up/catch up here]

In yesterday’s daily there was a very cute story about two Swedish children, their postwoman and a signed picture of Roxette, which we highly recommend you read. And if it doesn’t sate your appetite for sweet stories about Swedes, have this one too…

JC writes:
“I was in school with Robyn (or Robin as she was then) and she was my assigned ‘buddy’ as she was a few years older than me. It mainly meant that at the start of the school year she showed me around and sort of looked after me at the playground during break times.

“At that time playing marbles was all the rage and Robyn once had to step in and defend me as some of the older boys would not honour that I had beaten their pyramid setup. As a buddy I give her 10/10.”

We also asked readers in yesterday’s edition to tell us about any times that they’d ever asked for (and/or received) help from a celebrity with a school project.

dancing_queen writes:
“When I was at school, it was mandatory to complete a certain number of hours of sport to pass the year, which had to be signed off to be valid. Let’s just say I wasn’t a fan of lacrosse, so I turned to more creative ways to get my grades.

“I went to a Jamiroquai gig and waited at the end for Jay Kay to emerge after a particularly energetic performance, at which point I asked for his autograph… at the bottom of my sports form. Apparently ‘Dancing to Canned Heat’ is an acceptable form of activity.”

S writes:
“When I was a teacher, we had a vote amongst the children who they would like to open our new Early Years Unit. It being about 1993, the children voted in droves for Mr Blobby. Unfortunately we had a very limited budget and discovered that Mr Blobby was astronomically expensive. Instead we were offered Michelle Collins of EastEnders for a fraction of the cost.

“We couldn’t have chosen a better celebrity. She was really amazing, wonderful with the children and didn’t decline one photo opportunity or request for an autograph. Everyone loved her.

“What surprised us after the event was that quite a few of the parents actually thought she was Princess Diana. I don’t know whether Michelle realised this but it did solve the mystery why she was faced with a few dodgy curtsies and bows.”

KT writes:
“When I lived in Paris, I was sitting in my busy local café one evening after a long day at work, perusing the paper over a glass of something, and Jarvis Cocker and his then-wife ended up sitting at the next table.

“The place slowly emptied, and I moved on to the crossword. After a while, I started getting stuck. Noticing, Jarvis kindly asked if I needed a hand. So I turned the paper sideways and we three worked on it for at least 30 minutes.”

TL writes:
“Back in the early 80s I was a massive Doctor Who fan. I didn’t write letters to the Doctors though. I wrote to Anthony Ainley, who played the Doctor’s arch-nemesis, the Master. The letter said how, even though I liked the Doctor, I thought The Master was better and I didn’t understand why the BBC couldn’t let him win occasionally.

“I was utterly gobsmacked when I received not only a signed photo, but also a lengthy letter, written in character by Ainley, on how I was utterly correct and that the BBC were indeed the true enemy for not letting him win.

“Years later, when working for a West London Theatre in 1999, I had the opportunity to meet Ainley. This was almost 20 years on from my letter and I mentioned it in passing in the bar. Ainley lit up and explained in great depth that he’d always remembered it, as ‘many children weren’t allowed by their parents to write to the bad guy.'”

Last year, we put our support behind a campaign to have a memorial bench to Eazy-E installed in Newhaven, East Sussex. One year on, we have received an update to let us know that two dedicated Popbitch readers made a pilgrimage to Newhaven to both photograph the bench and put it firmly on the (Google) map.

It looks like the bench has been well-received. Not only does it currently have a flawless 5* rating on Google, it is now listed as one of Newhaven’s top ten attractions on TripAdvisor.

Some useful resources for readers who want to support anti-racist protests and movements but not sure where to turn
[For UK readers]
[For US readers]

Scented candles that smell of the pub
[“Top notes of spilt beer”]

Dancing otter
[See on TikTok]

Nick Cave has donated a pair of his sparkly Gucci socks to an auction to save the Trinity Bar
[Bidding starts tomorrow]

Weirdest headline of the week: “Spain porn star held after man dies in toad venom ritual”
[Read on Yahoo]

22 oversized teddies riding a rollercoaster
[Watch on YouTube]

Nominative Determinism of the Day: A garden designer called…
[…Jenny Bloom!]