“If North Korea drops a bomb on this country, I swear to God I hope it lands on Hartford, Connecticut” – Dave Chappelle
“If it turns out that President Barack Obama can make a deal with the most intransigent, hardline, unreasonable, totalitarian Mullahs in the world, but not with Republicans, maybe he’s not the problem” – Jon Stewart
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|_| |_| 03.10.13 ISSUE 660
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* Harry v Harry down under
* Hard to be a Francophile
* Charts: The Vamps are the new no 1
>> Name of the shame <<
Garnering support the Mail-way
As the political classes agonise over whether the Daily Mail’s ham-fisted attempt at smearing Ed Miliband will end editor Paul Dacre’s reign (NB he helpfully celebrates his 65th birthday next month) its weird sibling, mailonline, powers on.
The “Sidebar Of Shame” is a real money-spinner. But it doesn’t just generate revenue by boosting click rates and page impressions. It seems some celebs – rather than complain about press intrusion – have been bunging the Mail five-figure sums to ensure that they get regular, flattering coverage down the side of the site.
One such celeb is said to be Made In Chelsea’s Kimberley Garner. Given the frequency of the stories that run on the Mail’s sidebar where she appears in just her bikini, it seems that both parties are getting just the right amount of exposure that a rumoured 30k should get.
Nice to see George Monbiot’s Twitter photo is an otter.
>> Big Questions <<
Who is asking what right now
Which recently-in-the-news, high profile BBC journalist once had their phone line disconnected by BT because of the phone bills they ran up as they were so addicted to phoning dating and lonely hearts phonelines?
That’s December sorted – Blue and Wet Wet Wet are touring together.
>> Francophile? <<
Maybe it’s hard to love James
What’s not to love about actor, poet, painter, novelist and all- round Renaissance man James Franco? Absolutely everything, apparently.
While filming in London at the beginning of the year we’re told that Franco was “rude”, “obnoxious” and “a total twat” to technical staff. So much so that, when he finished his last day of shooting and left the set, the crew cheered and clapped that the tosser was gone.
Thanks Tea Party – Washington Zoo’s Pandacam has been offed as ‘non-essential’ even though the zoo has just seen the arrival of a tiny new panda cub. Boo.
>> Cockwatch <<
A member of European Parliament
LEGAL DISCLAIMER: What follows is a report (from a journalist who stood next to him at a urinal) of Nigel Farage’s penis. Popbitch disclaims any responsibility for any emotional or physical distress caused by reading it.
A journalist who peed next to Farage at CPC13 claims he exhibits “choad like qualities.” And if you don’t know your Spanish references, that means he’s “all width and no length.”
“Schlimmbesserung” is a German word to describe an effort to make things better that ends up making things worse.
>> Ta-dah! <<
Mo than meets the eye
Last week we were slightly sarcastic about the unpaid opportunities being offered to young people at this year’s MOBO awards and, in doing so, we arguably belittled the job of seating celebrities. One reader wrote in to tell us more about what the job involves and the sort of rewards you can expect:
“I was a celebrity seater at the MOBOs in 1998. A startled Tara Palmer-Tomkinson staggered towards me. After babbling for five minutes, she made me feel her tits – twice – and then asked me if I could go and get her a packet of fags.”
Kelly Osbourne seems to be hinting to friends her potty-mouthed Ma is doing UK X Factor so she can get the LA gig. “They need Sharon for the 40+ audience” etc…
>> Andy for PM <<
Burnham’s not pro-Bono
Ed Miliband might have been grabbing the big headlines this week, but Andy Burnham did some sterling grassroots work with an appearance at the Stand Up For Labour fund-raising gig last Monday in Hove.
He and his entourage arrived in the middle of a set by a singer-songwriter comedian, where the following exchange was forwarded to us, by a fellow gig-goer:
Burnham: (to an aide) What’s he singing about?
Aide: He’s singing about Bono being a cunt.
Burnham: He’s got a point. And I’ve met him.
Cue furious giggling.
Northern Monkey writes: “Just had an email from a dog trainer called Winkie Spears”.
>> Zimmer framed <<
Dr Who fans never forget
More from the inglorious past of Hans Zimmer. Not only did he compose the theme tune for Going For Gold, he also offered up his synthesiser skills to Doctor in Distress, a 1985 charity single, released to draw attention to rumours about Michael Grade wanting to suspend production on Doctor Who.
Just to show you the calibre of the record, performing on it were: Bobby G from Bucks Fizz; Sally Thomsett from Man About The House, and David Van Day.
But Hans Zimmer didn’t compose this one. That credit belongs to Doctor Who super-fan (and future Take That producer) the wonderful… Ian Levine.
Exciting social media news of the week: @DerbyTelegraph: “Watch a video of singer @KimberleyJWalsh signing copies of her autobiography at ASDA.”
>> Harry Vs Harry <<
Styles and Windsor down under
Sydney gets ready for a double harrying tomorrow. And what are they expecting?
The bouffanted lothario from wanderection is reputedly staying at the shiny Park Hyatt from Friday. The Ginger will be dodging camera phones at the Shangri La (less shiny, better bar).
Busy on Saturday with official engagements, Friday will be party night for both boys. Styles – Star Casino and its tacky club Marquee? Obvious choices for the Prince include the rapey Pool Club at the Ivy or the posh frocked ladies of Hugo’s in Kings Cross. Our bet is that one of them ends up at current late night “it” bar – The Backroom bar. Easy for security to control the entrance, under the radar, with a tiny capacity. (Oo-er).
Piff The Magic Dragon and Mr Piffles – The World’s First Conjuring Chihuahua return to Soho Theatre with stunning new tricks and Derren Gold the mind-reading goldfish. 2.50GBP off any full price ticket when you quote code: mrpiffles http://bit.ly/174MTi8
>> Hmmms <<
Bogs, otters, dinsoaurs
If you’re not embarrassed about spending ages in an aeroplane toilet, here’s a fun idea:
The following words are hereby banned from food writing:
Thanks to: JG, SG, lucydrawbridge, SW, miss_strange, “mike”, GM, SB, WA, HH, trellis, MS, B, WA, HC
Old Jokes Home:
Wife: I just caught our son looking at S&M porn on the internet. What should we do to punish him?
Husband: Well, looks like spanking’s not an option.