******************************************
Family (Mis)Fortunes
Tonight (Thurs 5th Sept) BBC2 Mum and Dad Are Splitting Up – what happens when a load of kids and their parents, who had never had a proper conversation about their divorce, had a video camera shoved in their faces and not turned off til they’d talked to each other…
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p01g1djh
******************************************
“I have to say I’m probably one of the nicest celebrities I’ve ever met” – Lee Ryan
POPBITCH _ _ _ _
_ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
| ‘_ \ / _ \| ‘_ \| ‘_ \| | __/ __| ‘_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_| |_| 05.09.13 ISSUE 656
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to https://www.popbitch.com
To send stories email: hello@popbitch.com
* Cara is the new Kate
* Remembering David Frost
* Charts: Katy Perry is no 1
>> Cara is the new Kate? <<
How the aristos should behave
If you think that journalists are just being lazy when they describe Cara Delevingne as the new Kate Moss, then think again.
At Lady Mary Charteris’ wedding to the Big Pink singer last summer, Cara conducted herself in a way that would have made Kate proud. Rumour is she helped to consummate the happy couple’s marriage – with a gak-fuelled love-in.
James May spotted at Gatwick Pret A Manger where, despite the ungodly hour, he posed patiently for photos with (exclusively) dweeby early-mid-thirties blokes.
>> Blue sky thinking <<
Best local news story ever?
Thanks to the Stamford Mercury for this gem:
“Firefighters were called to what was believed to be smoke from a fire but turned out to be a cloud.”
This week’s runner up: Pensioner soaps genitals on bus in Bedfordshire:
http://bit.ly/1fBfvmZ
Popbitch’s favourite member of the US Bankruptcy Court? Meredith Jury. Or, as she’s known professionally, Judge Jury.
>> Big Questions <<
What are people asking this week?
As ever, the GQ Awards seemed to acknowledge a number of prolific and well-known shaggers at their awards ceremony this week, but who was the unlikely leading man of showbiz hacks’ most salacious tales of serial shagging?
Can someone just give Dylan Jones the Tory seat he clearly so desperately craves so the embarrassing awards brown-nosing can be put to rest?
Monica Bellucci’s father is a scrap metal dealer.
>> Frosty response <<
David has a cold snap
Olly writes:
“Favourite Frost anecdote, and I really hope this is true, is that he was checking in at an airport and was asked ‘And did your pack this bag yourself, sir?’, to which he replied: ‘Do I look like a man who packs his own bags?'”
Gruesome twosome? Government ministers Justine Greening and Mark Simmonds.
>> Rollercoaster rider <<
Highs and Barlows in Blackpool
When The Script pulled out of the Blackpool Illuminations switch-on with 4 days to go, Gary Barlow very kindly offered to step in. His major request, which was widely reported, was that the organisers write a cheque for Children In Need.
Less widely reported was his other request. That they open The Big One for him and a mate to have an out-of-hours go on it.
Penny Smith can demolish a gigantic full English breakfast in under 5 minutes.
>> Baboon v Badger <<
Stumping celebrities
Most celebrities who are posed the Baboon v Badger question can drum up some sort of answer. For example, Una from The Saturdays went badger “because they are feisty”. Jay from The Wanted went baboon on account of “those sharp teeth”.
But when we asked Nikki Saunderson from Corrie who would win in a fight between a baboon and a badger, she wanted half an hour to think of an answer. Does she not trust her gut? Or is our interviewer correct in his suspicions that she wasn’t too sure what either animal was?
Someone on Gillian Anderson’s table at the GQ Awards reported that baboon gets her vote.
>> Taking the schilling <<
Putting the sin in sinister…
There’s been much gossip in the legal world recently about the future of Schillings (the go-to lawyers of choice for celebs and oligarchs with something to hide) ever since the bottom dropped out of the superinjunction market – and took their business model with it.
Since Ryan Giggs’ attempt to put a lid on his shagging backfired so spectacularly (c/o Schillings) footballers have been reluctant to use their specialist services. So Schillings have gone for a big re-brand, and sent us a press release about it yesterday. No longer a law-firm, now they are a “multi-disciplinary practice”.
We first thought someone had set up a parody site, but it’s real. And most interesting of all? The news they have their own Electronic Information Security company – the scarily named Vigilante Bespoke – offering the kind of grey-area computer services we would probably have associated more with tabloid hackers than friends of Hacked-off.
Metro Manila director Sean Ellis has a dog called Kubrick “because he’s orange”.
>> Small fry <<
Scandal at St Kilda
Last weekend, at their end-of-season party, Clinton Jones of the St Kilda Saints Aussie Rules Football Club, set fire to a dwarf. A dwarf they’d hired to amuse them as they got twatted. Still, if any club should know how to handle a PR disaster, it’s St Kilda.
Already this summer they’ve seen veteran player Stephen Milne in court on rape charges. And of course they’re the team that made the news a couple of years back for a long-running sex scandal that you may remember. A local schoolgirl had a fling with star player Sam Gilbert. When he dumped her she released nude photos of him and his team mates. When his agent tried to sort it all out, she claimed his very professional way of dealing with it was through gak-fuelled shagging.
Dealing with a charred little person should be child’s play.
******************************************
Malcolm Gladwell Live: The David & Goliath Tour. London Lyceum Theatre. 28th October. Special Popbitch Discount: Tickets for a tenner! Get GBP 5 off all GBP 15 tickets by selecting “Grand Circle” when you book:
http://bit.ly/1cG4z80
******************************************
>> Hmmms <<
Bale, Nielsen, cricket
The Sri Lankan army is turning its hands to the tourism trade. Now they’ve ethnically cleansed the north, it’s time to stay in a “peace cabin” on the beach:
http://slate.me/1dOxGde
Need some illustrations done? Why not employ Gaye Kunt?
http://linkd.in/177pAX2
*******************************************
Thanks to: SG, E, gravely_hills_cop, HC, S, SP, Doghouse Dave, powermaster, AL, C, monstris, majorbloodknok, HN, SS, TB
* Thanks to everyone inc – SHS, JC, JS, KW – who pointed out that last week’s quote was wrong, it was Charlotte who said it to Carol, and not vice versa
*******************************************
Old Jokes Home:
Q/ What’s the best thing about smoking meth?
A/ Only one more sleep til Christmas…
Still Bored:
Cameron Porn. All the drama of naughty movies, with none of the smut:
http://www.cameronporn.com/
