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Rubberbandits, Soho Theatre: The only Irish comedy superstars with plastic bags on their heads! An excellent night out – tickets from 10GBP & PBers get 2.50GBP discount off any ticket! Quote “yokes” when booking, 15-29 July: http://bit.ly/13nhSKq
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“I met a girl named after me at the Toronto film festival. I thought her mother was going to say she was called Susan but she said: ‘This is Sarandon'” – Susan Sarandon
POPBITCH _ _ _ _
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|_| |_| 11.07.13 ISSUE 650
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* Scribbling cocks on The Voice
* Picnicking with Grimmy
* Charts: Robin Thicke is number one
>> Cheque mate <<
Football focused
Eglantine-Flore Aguilar scored a kiss & tell deal in the Sun to describe her “two night romp” with Ashley Cole. Weirdly, for a romance alleged to have taken place over Instagram and Whatsapp, the story contained none of Cole’s supposedly saucy messages, nor any photos of the pair.
Go forward a few weeks and Eg-Flore contacted the papers to say she’d done another top player, one of Cole’s team-mates. Again, the claim was they met and flirted on Instagram and BBM. Except this player isn’t on Instagram, has no Blackberry and sounded genuinely baffled. The story was quietly dropped.
A rogue developer at Vogue? Try the Konami code at http://vogue.co.uk Using arrow keys: up up, down down,
left, right, left, right, b, a.
>> Doorknob <<
The Phantom Penis Penner strikes!
From the dreariness of the show, you wouldn’t know that anyone on The Voice had a personality – but one of the contestants obviously did. He used his time on the show to secretly draw cock and balls all over the set. Signs, graphics, walls – everything got a large dick etched on it.
The producers went nuts – ordered the set to be completely cleaned. Time passed, new graphics and signs were made and the team were quietly pleased when the Phantom Penis Penner was eliminated. Until one day, towards the end of the show, they went for a meeting in a quiet room at the back of the studio, closed the door… and saw a huge penis drawn all over it.
Demi Moore’s reported Divorce Party sounds fun: “There’ll be a juice bar serving drinks such as ‘freedom punch’.”
>> Surprise, surprise <<
Not much love, actually
Richard Curtis’s new film, About Time, was the Surprise Movie at the Edinburgh Film Festival and PRs were eager to stir up a bit of hype about it: “For those who’ve seen our #SurpriseMovie, tweet your reviews with #AboutTime. Best ones have a chance to be featured in ads for the film!”
Alas, the reviews gave the film a pasting. So PRs refocused their efforts and instead began demanding that bloggers take down their reviews. Even though it was a public screening, most of them had paid for their tickets and there was no review embargo.
Gay Times asked Louis Smith who he’d have if he was gay. Will Smith, is the answer.
>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week
Which popstar-turned-reality-TV-judge refused to speak to one of his associates because he didn’t want to be told what to do by a woman?
Interview of the week: OK! reprinted an interview with one of Bernie Nolan’s sisters from earlier this year to make it look like an interview about her death.
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FRESH SUMMER CLOBBER: Need some fun new threads to wear now the sun’s out? Get 20% off all tees and vests with the code SCORCHIO at checkout: http://bit.ly/18aOske
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>> Selfie abuse <<
Things go south down under
Move over footballers. Britain has a new sporting icon. George Burgess is one of four beefy English brothers playing rugby in Australia. Even better, they’re at Russell Crowe’s club, South Sydney Rabbitohs. George first hit the headlines after getting drunk and throwing a street-sign at a car. Boring. But then he got hip to the potential of social media.
He took a couple of selfies of his cock and sent them to a young lady. Showing poor manners, she immediately leaked them to the media. In the time since, he has, as it were, gone big.
Australia – you give us Rolf Harris and we give you a bloke who likes showing his cocks to girls at inappropriate times.
Crocodile Dundee is back! Paul Hogan is touring a new live show this year – “An Evening with Hoges”.
>> What’s in a name? <<
Holy nominative determinism!
Batman is the name of a suburb of Melbourne.
And who is the one responsible for running the police’s media unit, communicating stories to press and public?
Senior Constable Adam West.
Fame gone to their heads? Geordie Shore were booked for a Belfast club appearance with comedy parody Nordie Shore, who were cancelled. Geordies didn’t like the joke.
>> PicNicking <<
Grimmy attitude
b writes:
“This week on Primrose Hill Nick Grimshaw’s Jack Russell was attacking groups of people having picnics, and stealing food. Grimshaw was utterly unapologetic and acting as though the people having picnics were in the wrong. I was eating some chicken wings (marinated not Chicken Cottage. I am a classy man). The dog nicked a bone. Grimmy looked very annoyed with us as though we ought not to have been picnicking in the park.”
Daft Punk release their own branded condoms – following in the footsteps of JLS and, erm… Northern Uproar.
>> Popbits <<
Four for the floor
1. Like that John Newman track? Not as much as you are going to love the Kove remix:
http://bit.ly/14KSJWS
3. I Am A Camera channel 80s artschool synth pop:
http://bit.ly/188OR3j
4. Breach – Jack has an incredible video. Bears and otters will like:
http://bit.ly/1adyXVX
Status Quo’s record label is called Fourth Chord.
>> Hmmms <<
Superheroes, raptors, drugs
How to use astrology to make 2014 work for you. “Millionaires don’t use astrology – billionaires do”:
http://amzn.to/13NFXJd
Come on Sydney, you can do better than this. A masked super-hero whose aim is… better street lighting?
http://bit.ly/130Rej4
Do you think this model is hoping you’ll think she’s Skin?
http://bit.ly/12mLXa8
Raptorize your website – Konami cheat for dummies:
http://bit.ly/130QY3z
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Thanks to: JO, missus, Am, nephewliam, @mrcorey, JT, GW, EB, mountstnobody, celtiagirl, party_b, C, @fellmeister
Thanks to everyone who pointed out that Liz Frazer is the one performing with Massive Attack and Adam Curtis – not Liz Taylor. (Sorry Liz!) http://bit.ly/10BhXWY
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Old Jokes Home:
Q/ What do you call a South American boyband?
A/ Juan Direction.