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* Serving up seconds with Dennis Nilsen!

* Martin Sorrell’s high-flying birds!

* PLUS: Kanye’s back into Freud again

>> Nup to no good <<

“Prince and sign here…”

In between the many celebrity faces sprinkled throughout the congregation at the royal wedding, legal eagles might have spotted the familiar face of Fiona Shackleton among those in attendance.
Shackleton famously represented Prince Andrew in his divorce from Fergie, and Prince Charles in his divorce from Diana – so is no stranger to the family. Still, it was odd to see her invited to this wedding, when she wasn’t present at William and Kate’s. So what was she doing there?
Our legal pals’ unanimous opinion? A pre-nup got signed.

Prince Louis’s new nanny has some serious A-list references. A specialist in twins, she’s looked after Beyoncé’s, Mariah’s and the Clooneys’ kids in her time.

>> Big Questions <<

What’s the hot new trend?

With all the drink-driving, drug-snorting and other assorted illegality that the celebrity set indulges in, how are they continuing to avoid arrest?
There’s one rather ingenious way that’s being tested out by some of London’s more high-profile sorts. Simply procure yourself a diplomatic passport from an obliging country. Then, when you’re collared by police for minor drug offences, you just have to flash your papers and claim immunity.

Travel tips for Lisa Stansfield and other fans of ice-docking: in the US you should ask for an “Alaskan pipeline”.

>> Lads before tabs <<

A strange media team-up

This week saw the 2018 Drum Awards: a fancy black-tie online media awards do. Most of the big companies (BBC, ITV, CNN, HuffPost etc) had the funds to shell out for a whole table, but some of the more financially challenged outlets found that they had to share.
Which meant that there was a joint Guardian/LadBible table…

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>> Nilsen platings <<

What’s cookin’, creepy-lookin’?

We’ve had so many variations on the “Dennis Nilsen made me curry” story sent to us in the last week, it’s been hard to keep up. Apparently the big pots that Nilsen used to boil his victims’ heads in were also used to make his various co-workers curries, chillies, Christmas dinners, spaghetti bolognese and popcorn.
So either the guy was some sort of proto-Jamie Oliver (as well as a depraved sexual pervert killer), or the story has grown a bit of shaggy dog hair over the years.
Whichever it is, we should keep a very close eye on Jamie Oliver regardless.

In Dutch, the word “autochtoon” roughly translates as “ethnic Dutch” – and not, as you may imagine, “autotune”.

>> WPP party <<

Martin Sorrell’s high-flying birds

Shareholders of embattled PR firm, WPP, have made the rather unpopular decision not to publish the findings of their investigation into the conduct of its founder, Sir Martin Sorrell, and the allegations which surrounded his resignation last month.
They might want to rethink that decision though, as the rumour that’s rapidly going around PR and press circles suggests that tens of thousands of pounds of company money was spent flying some very special guests to a WPP event. And thousands more went on covering their, ahem… hourly rates.
So unless they’re sitting on something worse than that, they’ve really got nothing to lose.

Sorrell isn’t the only London media mogul with an expense accounts scandal brewing. Storm clouds are beckoning for another one too…

>> Latent registration <<

A Freudian analysis of Kanye

We were as surprised as anyone to see Kanye West tweeting out a YouTube link to Adam Curtis’s 2002 documentary, The Century Of The Self. But now that the dust has settled, it makes a certain sort of sense.
The Century Of The Self is all about how Sigmund Freud’s theories were used to inform the PR machinery of the modern era. It’s no wonder that’s of interest to Kanye.
As we discovered in 2016, when we examined every curseword in his back catalogue, Kanye West’s entire career traces the exact same trajectory of Freud’s most well-known theory; mapping the journey of infant psychosexual development as he saw it – almost month for month.
We’re dropping the paywall on our story for 48 hours so you can see it for yourself.
[Read Latent Registration]

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>> Arty parties <<

All white on the night

Serpentine Art Gallery overlord Hans-Ulrich Obrist had his 50th birthday party this week.
Held in Ladbroke Grove members’ club, Laylow, pretty much every single guest in attendance was white; while all of the waiters, serving staff and band were black – which gave the event some pretty heavy Southern plantation vibes.
No-one could work out if it was 2018’s most un-woke night out, or some sort of clever-clever performance art commentary on today’s racial politics. Anyone care to take a guess?

Richard Gere is going to be starring in a new BBC TV drama about a US media mogul based in Britain who has trouble with succession thanks to his son’s bad behaviour.

>> Nose to me <<

Sniffing out a Cure

On Friday, the toymakers Hasbro announced that they have managed to legally trademark the distinctive scent of Play-Doh.
Quite where that leaves Robert Smith from The Cure (who, we’re reliably informed, has a personal musk that’s very reminiscent of the stuff) is not clear. Hopefully Hasbro will give him plenty of time to seek out a new signature scent before they set the lawyers on him.

Jeetendr Sehdev, the author of “The Kim Kardashian Principle: Why Shameless Sells”, has proved true to his book title. The NYT outed him for buying hundreds of thousands of social media followers from US bot farm Devumi.

>> Drunk turtle power <<

Whatchu talkin’ ’bout, Willis?

Ever since Quincy Jones got gagged by his daughters for being too loose-lipped in his interviews, we’ve been dying for another music legend to let rip.
So we very much enjoyed veteran songwriter Allee Willis giving her opinion on Taylor Swift’s pissweak cover of Earth, Wind & Fire’s September – a song that Willis co-wrote.
“I didn’t really think she did a horrible job. Yes, I felt it was as lethargic as a drunk turtle dozing under a sunflower after ingesting a bottle of Valium, and I thought it had all the build of a one-story motel, but, I mean, the girl didn’t kill anybody. She didn’t run over your foot.”
She had a few more choice words about it too.
[Read on Billboard]

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>> Hmmms <<

Sloths, Swindon, growlers

Royal Wedding Lip Sync

[See on YouTube]
Realistic sloth costume

[View on Bored Panda]
Job of the year

[Listing at Swindon Town FC]
Ice hockey league, ECHL, announced their new franchise this week for Newfoundland…

[Go Growlers!]
Local News of the Week – NYC edition

[Read on NY Post]
American soccer has its own Cristiano Ronaldo sculpture moment

[See at KTVU]
The Russians are pranking Boris Johnson

[Hear on The Guardian]
An absolutely blinding clarification from the Mirror regarding Katie Hopkins’ ketamine use and racial hatred

[Marvel at the Mirror]

Thanks to: PR, AG, TC, LH, EIB, AC, TJ, JB, B

Old Jokes Home

Q/ Why can’t you get Pro–V shampoo in Poundland?

A/ It’s Pantene
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