*************************************
Oh hello! For the rudest Crimbo cards and funniest cool gifts, get yourself over to Brainbox Candy cards & gifts, plus exclusive Popbitch voucher codes:
http://www.brainboxcandy.com/popbitch
*************************************
“Hairspray is a vital part of the preening regime” – James Arthur
“I can’t deny it, my voice was horrendous” – Jo O’Meara
POPBITCH _ _ _ _
_ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
| ‘_ \ / _ \| ‘_ \| ‘_ \| | __/ __| ‘_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_| |_| 27.11.14 ISSUE 716
Free email every week
Subscribe http://eepurl.com/XSZoP
Email stories hello@popbitch.com
* F1 conspiracies!
* Brookstein’s Book!
* Charts: Band Aid for no 1
>> Bad directions <<
Betting on 1Ds future…
German TV show, Wetten Dass? is known for its starry guest list. This month it boasted a host of international stars like Hugh Grant, Jennifer Lawrence, Liam Hemsworth and One Direction.
Hugh had brought a mate to the show for company. The two huge Hollywood stars had a make-up artist and a publicist. And the pop fivesome? They arrived with an entourage of somewhere between 50-60 people.
FYI: Boys, you know who pays for an entourage that big, don’t you? You.
Paris Hilton launches a new perfume this week. Her 17th.
>> Klass act <<
Myleene’s merry-go-round
Ever since Myleene Klass took on Ed Miliband, coaxing him to start taxing glasses of water, she has been all over the papers. Such pesky press intrusion has been playing merry hell with her routine.
She became so discombobulated this week that the poor lamb started doing laps of Leicester Square. Presumably she was doing her best to avoid the paparazzi, but somehow she ended up retracing her steps almost exactly and walking past them a half-dozen times.
An anagram of Myleene Klass is “Sly semen leak”.
>> Big Questions <<
Who wants to know what?
Which TV chef has been putting in a bit of facetime at his restaurant recently? Don’t approach him for a chat though, because someone who did found a £100 fee added to their bill for the privilege.
Famous customers of Newington Green Fruit & Vegetables, pt. 1 of 1: Newsnight’s Allegra Stratton.
>> Prize idiots <<
Fuelling conspiracies
Bernie Eccleston was publicly dissing the small F1 teams for “begging” yet Caterham managed to get out of administration and their car back on the grid at Abu Dhabi last week. Marussia didn’t. They got the money needed to compete, rushed their equipment and driver to Stansted – only to be told by F1 that it was too late and they’d just have to go home.
Why Caterham and not Marussia? F1 may have good reasons, but conspiracy theorists have a suggestion. Unlike Caterham, Marussia scored points in the season so were due to pick up substantial prize money from the constructors’ championship. Something like $20-30 million. Teams can sit out a couple of races but missing Abu Dhabi was Marussia’s third, and so could disbar them from any reward.
Surely the chance to keep an extra $30m wouldn’t influence decision makers would it? It will be interesting to
find out if Marussia do end up with any cash…
On Paul Danan’s Wikipedia page this week: “Michael Jackson once claimed on CD:UK Paul was his favourite Hollyoaks actor”. Since deleted.
>> World is her oyster <<
Louise comes out of her shell
Louise Redknapp celebrated her 40th birthday earlier this month and hopefully Jamie treated her lavishly. Since her days presenting Something For The Weekend, Louise has developed a taste for the finer things.
Louise was introduced to many fancy new dishes on the show. Keen to learn about them, she insisted on full briefings before filming any food sections. Producers thought this was probably a good idea too after they saw her in rehearsals trying to bite into an raw oyster. While it was still in its shell.
After ‘heirloom’ and ‘heritage’, the newest vegetable buzzword popping up on hipster menus? Endangered. Endangered vegetables.
>> My Brooky Wook <<
Steve B has his say
“It’s lines like this in my own book that will be taken out of context and reprinted again to show that I am still bitter.”
Steve Brookstein, X Factor’s first winner, promised an explosive, tell-all book when his nemesis, Max Clifford, was carted off to jail. And Steve was good to his word. The book came out on Friday.
We’ve read it and reviewed it. Sadly, despite trying to put his lines into as much context as was humanly possible, Steve still thinks we’re agents of Clifford. We think we’ve been rather fair. What do you think?
*************************************
For more in-depth pop silliness, subscribe to Popbitch Magazine. Issue 11 is OUT NOW – featuring the truth about penguin sex, the Macedonian Cheryl Cole and the corporate culture of ISIS… On iPhones, iPads and Android:
https://popbitch.com/articles/
*************************************
>> Radio daze <<
Hail to the chiefs
It’s always nice if you’re the founder and executive president of a huge radio empire to do a little bit of schmoozing with your employees. Like Ashley Tabor (the man behind stations like Capital, XFM and Heart) did this week.
He attended a charity event hosted by his company, Global, where the Kaiser Chiefs played a set. Shortly after
they had finished playing, he went straight up to the table to congratulate the boys on the gig. Except the person he congratulated wasn’t actually one of the Kaiser Chiefs at all. It was one of his employees: the presenter of XFM’s Breakfast Show, DJ Jon Holmes.
(Then again, how many of the Chiefs could you pick out of a lineup?)
Clean Bandit’s Grace Chatto on the Band Aid 30 sessions: “I thought it might turn into a party as the day went on, but it didn’t.”
>> Slack magic <<
Dynamo enlightens audience
A few weeks ago, Jerry Sadowitz called for illusionist Dynamo to face his prodigy Dyno-Rod for a little trick–off. If Dynamo has any hope of being ready in time for 1st Dec, he might want to get practicing.
Dynamo was one of the celebs who turned on the Christmas lights in Hampstead Village and he did a card trick with Barbara Windsor. Barbara Windsor might not have noticed Dynamo slipping the card she signed into his pocket. Everyone facing him side-on in the audience did though.
*************************************
Looking for something cool and unusual to gift at Xmas? LovelyJoJos has beautiful hand-drawn prints maps and clothes. 20% off for Popbitch readers. Code BITCH20 at checkout:
http://www.lovelyjojos.com
*************************************
>> Popbits <<
Back to 2005!
In the summer of 2005 we were obsessing about Mattafix’s Big City Life. It was a great pop song that should have been a hit – but now one half of Mattafix has a second chance.
Marlon Roudette (who has great pop pedigree in that his step-ma is Nenah Cherry and his Dad is producer Cameron McVey) is back with When The Beat Drops Out. It’s been huge in Europe. Will it do the same here?
DJ Judge Jules is back on the path to becoming a real judge. He’s in training to be a music/media lawyer.
>> Hmmms <<
Burrito, gay, stoats
“Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.”
http://bit.ly/11xzC5e
Investigative journalism game from Al Jazeera
http://bit.ly/1ylrCRD
Stoats as sex slaves. More Sunday Sport mischief:
http://bit.ly/11Y4nkN
The horror of modern celebrity in one vine:
http://ind.pn/1vo3nQP
**************************************
THANKS: badhorsey, deepstoat, AP, soapy_handerton, spank_daley, EB, MD, theabominablehoman, SG, ML, SD
**************************************
Old Jokes Home
Although Sheffield United have released Ched Evans, he doesn’t seem keen on having another trial.
Still Bored:
What did Popbitch readers think of 2014? Here are the results, Family Fortunes style:
http://bit.ly/1y4V3sK
