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Dermot O’Leary in conversation with NASA astronaut Mike Massimino. Find out what it’s like to walk in space, 26th October, London SW1. The next best thing to strapping yourself into the shuttle! Earlybird tickets with 15% off, use code POPBITCH:
http://bit.ly/2czDs7n
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“Due to unforeseen circumstances, clairvoyant Trisha will not be appearing in the Kevin Bird Suite tomorrow night” – Mansfield Town FC
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|_| |_|15.09.17 ISSUE 801
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* Hardcore Norwegian Government
* Around The World in 80 Gaffs?
* Charts: Chainsmokers still no 1
>> Radio daze <<
Moyles: arsehole
If you’re one of the half-dozen people still listening to Chris Moyles on Radio X you may have heard him embark on another of his infamous tirades against “the management” last week – but surely the suits can’t be entirely to blame for his lacklustre ratings.
For despite his huge drop-off in listeners, Radio X managed to secure Moyles an interview with a big international rock band. Kings Of Leon, no less.
Which you’d think would be a pretty decent olive branch, right? Except Moyles blackballed the set-up. Prior beef with the band, apparently.
You know what they say about arseholes, don’t you Moyles? Run into an arsehole in the morning, then you’ve run into an arsehole. Run into arseholes all day every day, then the arsehole is you.
FYI: Moyles’ show was on for 43 minutes that day before he played his first record. Which was by… The Clash.
Moyles’ secret nickname around the Radio X offices? “Fatboy, Now Slim”
>> Reality bites <<
A newt in the jungle?
If you were worried that Ed Balls’ decision to do Strictly would encourage a whole new raft of politicians to consider careers in reality TV, then congratulations! Your fears were completely well-founded.
We’re told producers of I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here have been courting Nigel Farage for the latest series, offering a huge fee – but it seems his love for Australian-style point systems doesn’t extend to Bushtucker Trials. So Nigel has refused.
Not because he’s unwilling to appear on reality TV; because his advisors want him to hold out for an offer from a classier show.
Let’s hope Channel 4 and Love Productions don’t get any ideas.
Great stat in Record Of The Day: The UK’s two biggest debut artist albums (Zayn / Jack Garrett) have together not outsold Rick Astley’s new album.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
Which media company has been hit by a legal action from a high-profile employee who alleges they ended up in the Priory after a dysfunctional affair with their immediate boss went wrong?
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>> Half-baked <<
Revenge, served soggy
A lot has been written in recent days about Channel 4’s buy-out of the Great British Bake Off. Much of it has been focused on the money, and the catastrophic investment it will no doubt prove to be. But, as is so often the case with TV, the money takes a back seat to monstrous egos and petty vendettas.
Those in the telly biz say the real reason that C4 coughed up 75 million for Bake Off is that Jay Hunt (current Chief Creative Officer of C4; former controller of BBC1) is still furious about being made the focus of the BBC/
Miriam O’Reilly/Countryfile ageism row back in 2011 – so wanted to hit the Beeb where it hurt.
Maybe she has a wider strategy in place but, given that she’s just paid 75 million quid for what essentially amounts to a tent and a couple of ovens, it does look a little like she may have overswung this one.
Love Productions is 70% owned by Sky TV, who must be just devastated to see how much discomfort all this is causing the BBC and Channel 4.
>> Poached egg-on-face <<
Channel 4 eat own words
“We grew it from a dangerous idea to a brand that resonated globally. Of course it’s disappointing that it’s then sold to the highest bidder, ignoring the risk a publicly owned channel took backing it.”
– Jay Hunt, speaking in March 2016, about Netflix poaching Black Mirror from them
Jay Hunt has been heard telling staff that Mel and Sue will never work on C4 again after their ‘betrayal’ by leaving the show.
>> Dye Harder <<
Around the world in 80 gaffs
A few years ago, Danny Dyer had a nice line in club testimonials. He would turn up to a club, get royally pissed and, in return, head up to the manager’s office to film a little promo for their YouTube, where he’d invariably call the club a “proper gaff”.
But now Danny Dyer is expanding his horizons. First, into hotels (declaring the Ibis in Brighton to be a proper gaff); and now entire cities (Danny just got back from a holiday in Florence. A city which, too, is a gaff).
As the BBC will no doubt be looking for something to replace GBBO, might we humbly suggest a Danny Dyer travel show?
FYI We’ve been trying to keep a full list of the places Danny has decreed to be proper gaffs: http://bit.ly/2d0RCwl
Britney’s album debuted at number two last week. This week? 41.
>> Vicky wicket <<
Playing a dangerous game
You may have noticed a number of Beckham stories cropping up in the papers of recent, with eye-popping coverlines on the gossip weeklies too. Why such a deluge? It seems to us there’s three possible reasons for it:
1/ Victoria has a fashion show she really wants to plug, so is being uncharacteristically chatty.
2/ The tabloids and glossies are playing a classic trick of theirs – in which they write a bunch of soft-soap articles about someone they have a juicy scoop on (so as to artificially build interest in them ahead of the bomb-drop, in order to maximise a story’s impact).
3/ Both.
Seeing as there’s an extremely indiscreet source from the fashion world floating around the tabloids at the minute, it’s anyone’s guess which…
Apparently Cruz Beckham intends to “follow in his mother’s musical footsteps”. So as a mime, then?
>> A league of disown <<
Middlesborough: the new Coventry
There’s so much money swilling around the Premier League right now that you can’t really blame friends and relatives of players for trying to get a piece of the action for themselves. Dads, brothers, best mates: all have rushed to set themselves up as agents, scouts, etc…
Football clubs aren’t really sure how best to discourage these family entourages, but Arsenal appear to have come up with an extreme solution.
Calum Chambers’ stepdad has been one of the hangers-on who has been causing headaches for club executives – but sending Calum to Middlesborough (about as far as you can get from London and still be in the English league)?
Come on, Arsene. That’s taking it a step too far.
Video views on YouTube increased by 100% in 2015, but the royalties paid out to artists only grew by 17%…
>> Brown toast <<
The wheat smell of success
Another Popbitch reader who had their olfactory system assaulted by a senior member of the Labour party has been in touch after last week’s story about Ed Balls’ appalling coffee breath.
They claim that Gordon Brown has an even more noteworthy aroma, carrying “a really strong scent of toast”.
Not only did the toast smell hang around in the room long after Brown had left it, it lingered on our reader’s hand after he shook it too.
Have you ever sniffed a prominent member of the Labour party? Let us know! Email hello@popbitch.com
Further to last week’s story about the Guardian’s CEO, apparently his nickname amongst staffers is… The Count Of Cuntville.
>> Rock the vote <<
Hardcore Norwegian government
As politics continues to flit between being tedious and terrifying on an almost hourly basis, you have to go a long way to find any fun stories in the current hellscape.
Specifically, you have to go to Norway, right into the heart of local politics in Kolbotn, where a black metal legend has just been elected to serve in office – against his will.
Gylve “Fenriz” Nagell from the band Darkthrone (whose albums include Ravishing Grimness, Plaguewielder and Sardonic Wrath) was voted in, despite specifically campaigning with his cat Peanut Butter asking the public not to vote for him.
His campaign failed, and now he has to serve four years as a back-up councilman on the local council.
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>> Hmmms <<
Pugs, cats, wankers
A pug dressed up as all the characters from Stranger Things:
http://bit.ly/2cyoHQk
Public Masturbation Story #1
Browsing has been disabled on 500 of NYC’s free WiFi booths because people just watched porn:
http://nyti.ms/2cLLpaX
Public Masturbation Story #2
Italy’s Supreme Court has just declared that al fresco wanking is perfectly legal:
http://bit.ly/2cIbhDJ
The new villain in Poldark is modelled on Roald Dahl’s Veruca Salt:
http://bit.ly/2cXYJKc
In the UK CND means Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament; in the USA it means Creative Nail Design:
http://bit.ly/2ccQdWn
Still not heard Lady Gaga’s piss-poor new single? If you remember Madonna’s Papa Don’t Preach you already know it:
http://bit.ly/2d0SPUx
Fancy submitting for Czech Republic’s Eurovision 2017?
http://bit.ly/2cu2dkz
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Thanks to: CMH, PR, BD, JD, NP, anonymous, SA, AF
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Old Jokes Home:
Q/ Whose smoothies make heaven a place on earth?
A/ Blender Carlisle
Still Bored?
Media Masters Podcast – this week Jeffrey Archer, the best-selling author, talks writing… and taking responsibility:
http://bit.ly/2cartOt
