#girlswithbigears

It’s quite the hole that the Telegraph has dug itself into. Last week they had to retract a story on Melania Trump after the notorious US lawyer, Charles Harder (the guy who took down Gawker) sent them a letter demanding an apology and damages.

The Telegraph’s piece was written by Nina Burleigh, the author of a book about Melania that has been published in the States – and is therefore protected under the First Amendment. But as the Telegraph is bound by UK law (where it’s much easier to sue for libel) Harder saw a chance to pounce on them for a sizeable settlement for the same story; one he could never have dreamed of securing back home.

The Telegraph instantly shat themselves. Media wags have dubbed it the fastest retraction, apology and payout in newspaper history. But in their haste to make amends they ended up going so far over the top that they threw Burleigh under the bus, pretty much suggesting that she’s a liar. In a British publication. Meaning that she can now try to sue them over here too.

Which – surprise, surprise – she is!

Critics who were invited to attend a screening of the new Martin Clunes comedy, Warren, were greeted with quite the sight.

There was a promo picture of the show’s cast up on screen, one which showed Clunes draped across the laps of his on-screen wife and children – who were all sat on a sofa. Most people’s attention was focused on something else though: the large visible crease in the middle of Clunes’ chinos.

The bulge didn’t escape the notice of Clunes himself either, who was overheard turning to his neighbour and whispering “I look like I’ve got a semi on…”

George Ezra is one of the biggest names in British pop at the minute, but after he and his manager were overheard slagging off Global Radio it seems that the top bods there are considering an on-air ban. What on earth could he possibly have said?

A few months ago, we told you about the time Steve Coogan – upon getting his first taste of success – tried to impress Zoe Ball by laying out a bunch of cash on his hotel bed and telling her “That… is £2,000!”

Seems this sort of patter comes very naturally to him. When Steve bought his first Ferrari, he showed it off to a friend by telling him: “It’s worth its weight in cunt.”

Tamsin Greig has a neat little trick for not giving up her tube seat. When things are busy, but not rammed, she’ll read her hardback book very intently to avoid meeting the eye of anyone with a walking stick who might need the seat she’s in.

It’s easy to be oblivious when engrossed in a good book, of course. But when the train pulled into Paddington and she saw just how packed the platform was with commuters about to embark, she quickly changed tack – and pretended to fall asleep so that she wouldn’t be hassled into giving it up.

Next week will mark ten years since the Brighton Argus first asked David Cameron who he thought would win in a fight between a baboon and a badger.

The slippery little pigfucker dodged the question, but we’ve spent the subsequent decade doggedly trying to get an answer from every other celebrity we’ve had dealings with. In that time, we’ve managed to collect answers from Adele, Mark Ronson, Gillian Anderson, Charlie Brooker, Richard E Grant, Danny Dyer, Kim Wilde and loads, loads more.

[Read ‘Baboon v Badger: Ten Years On’]

First Katie Price was toeing the edge of bankruptcy, now it looks like her old rival Jodie Marsh might be struggling to make ends meet too. She’s selling off those trademark tit-belts of hers – the ones that landed her on all the front pages when she wore them to an FHM party in 2004.

At £2,000 it’s not exactly value for money, but surely there’s some strangle-wank aficionado out there with money to burn?

[See on Depop]

We swear, the tales of Eurovision corruption start earlier and earlier each year. This year, the Lithuanian national selection found itself rocked by scandal when the owner of a local toy factory (who also happened to be the dad of one of the hopeful singers, Gabrielė Rybko) went on Facebook to offer discounted toys and slides to anyone who voted for his kid.

The Lithuanian telly bods got wind of this so, to punish her, they included her performance on the night, but explained that no-one could vote for her – keeping her bolted to the bottom of the constantly-updating scoreboard throughout the night.

Brutal.

Former Sun editor and ex-Outside Org PR guy Dominic Mohan is branching out with a brand new media venture: the snappily-titled Dominic Mohan Media. It promises to provide clients with “platform-agnostic media strategies to help build brands and individuals across all media and to then protect them.”

Perhaps he should hire his own services to see if he ever tells himself how important it is to buy up your own domain names…

[Visit dominicmohan.com]

James Stunt has been drawing a fair bit of attention to his Instagram recently thanks to his habit of posting candid videoed rants about his ex-father-in-law, Bernie Ecclestone, on there.

Obviously we wouldn’t encourage him to stop, but he might want to clean up his hashtags before too many people get on board. It’s not clear if he knows that all the hashtags he follows are publicly viewable. All the creepy perv classics are there: #teenmodels, #smalltits, #girlswhokissgirls etc

But the most niche one? #girlswithbigears

A surprisingly twisty investigation into that poo flip video
[Read on NYMag]

Draw something and the AI will try and correct it based on what it predicts you’re trying to draw
[Paint on Penint]

The 2019 Marble Olympics
[Watch on YouTube]

A hot new alternative to Dignitas: the meth-and-death party
[Read on 7News Miami]

If you haven’t read that New Yorker piece on author Dan Mallory yet, you really should
[Read on New Yorker]

Soho Office Available. After seven happy years we’re moving on from our wonderful Milk & Honey home and want to hand it on to someone suitably lovely. It’s the best deal in London. Amazing cocktail bar below, summer roof garden above – and daytime access to the Games Room for meetings or sleeping off hangovers. All inclusive fee; suitable for 2-6 people (approx). Interested? Email rick@mlkhny.com.