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Great Canal Journeys with Deckard + Batty

 

 

Tired of being tired? Hear from women who managed to find good work-life balance, get some tips on how to look after yourself at work, and enjoy a guided meditation session with a community of like-minded women. Wed 21st August, 18:30, Shoreditch. Popbitch readers get £5 tickets with code “POP50”.
[Book your space at She Made It]
“I’ve had sex with one woman since I met Jeffrey Epstein” – Alan Dershowitz
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* Sex cult stationery!
* Dennis and De Niro at the movies!
* PLUS: AC/DC’s sloppy seconds
>> Vincapacitated <<
He’ll never be your wingman again
 

Poor Vin Diesel. He was only trying to help.

Out at an LA bar one night, Vin bumped into an old schoolfriend of his in the toilets. This friend had been trying (and failing) to work his magic on a woman he’d met that night, so asked Vin if he’d mind helping him out. Maybe swing by their table, talk him up a bit in front of her. That sort of thing.

Vin gamely agreed and shortly made his way over to them, giving it the whole “Hey man! Great to see you. Ah, wow, you’re the best. Y’know that? This guy and I go way back. He really is the best. What a guy. What a guy.”

Then, after laying it on good and thick, Vin made his excuses and left – giving his friend a chance to seal the deal.

Only when Vin was out of earshot, the woman turned back to the friend and said “God, who was that? What a weirdo…”

Sandra from Gogglebox is on dating app Lumen and is making the most of her celebrity there. Her profile lists her as being “VERY FAMOUS AND FUNNY”.
>> AC/D Si? <<
Money can’t buy everything
 

In Madrid Sergio Ramos is known as the footballer who can get anything he wants. A sort of David Beckham squared.

When Ramos fell out with manager Jose Mourinho, it was Mou who got the boot. When Ramos was said to have failed a routine drugs test, club doctors worked relentlessly to make sure it caused him no problems. And despite a dreadful league season and an early dumping from the Champions League, Ramos still stars in an Amazon Prime fly-on-the-wall doc: the modestly titled “The Heart of Sergio Ramos”.

But when he came to get married this summer, he was denied something he wanted. A huge heavy rock fan, Ramos made a big announcement that rock legends AC/DC were going to perform at the ceremony. Yet despite offering them a rumoured million euros, the band declined (a story that wasn’t PR’d quite so quickly…)

So who did Ramos get to play instead? Europe. The Swedish one-hit-wonders, who performed The Final Countdown as the bride and groom made their way into the evening reception.

Donny Tourette is now a trained Reiki therapist and is on the lookout for clients in East and South London.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
 

Which funnyman filmstar has brought a very British sense of formality to his Hollywood sex play? For example, he keeps a special plate in his house that’s specifically reserved for his more adventurous conquests to shit on.

Online retailers change their prices almost daily, but Alertr keeps its eye on millions of products so that you can get your internet goodies on the cheap. Just paste in the URL of the product you want to buy, then they’ll notify you when the price drops. Couldn’t be easier.
[Get tracking now at alertr.co.uk]
>> RIP Rutger <<
Sailing off to the great unknown
 

With all the tributes to Rutger Hauer that have been pouring in these last 24 hours, it’s clear he made a lasting impression on the people he worked with.

When Rutger was filming the Métal Hurlant Chronicles series around 2011/12, crew on set noticed that his phone was constantly buzzing with text messages. Someone on the other end of the phone was badgering him quite incessantly, keen to arrange a boating holiday with him. A certain Harrison Ford.

We have no idea if it they ever managed to arrange it, but it’s a huge shame that we’ll never get to see Great Canal Journeys with Deckard and Batty.

What’s the latest in Broward County, Florida? A judge in Fort Lauderdale has just been suspended after allegedly choking a clerk. Her name? Vegina T. Hawkins.
>> Picture this <<
The spirit of Oaten lives on
 

Our commiserations to Ed Davey, pipped to the post by Jo Swinson in the Lib Dem leadership contest earlier this week. It’ll be disappointing for him, but he’s probably not quite ready to become the face of a major political party.

According to people who have had the pleasure of being photographed with him, his best advice for looking good in photos is to “think of the dirtiest, naughtiest, most depraved thing you can – and then just relax.”

Jo Swinson’s first dance at her wedding was to Better Together by Jack Johnson. The single most Lib Dem choice it’s possible to imagine.
>> Picture that <<
At’s the way to do it
 

Last month we mentioned that Molly-Mae from Love Island has had someone working for her on the outside, keeping an eye on media coverage and issuing £150 invoices to certain outlets that egregiously lift photos from her Instagram feed without permission. Now it looks like this savvy little money-spinning trick is being picked up by other celebs too.

Last week, Gemma Atkinson (Hollyoaks/Emmerdale) popped some pictures of her newborn baby up on Instagram. Showbiz desks wasted no time in writing up posts for their respective sites on little baby Mia, illustrating them with the shots that Gemma had so thoughtfully uploaded for them.

And no sooner had they done so, a picture agency followed up with them to dish out an invoice for the use of Gemma’s copyrighted materials.

David Beckham’s new media company, Studio 99, appears to share its name with an old media company. A music label that specialises in tribute acts, covers and compilations.
>> Les be friends <<
Dennis [hearts] De Niro
 

Les Dennis got himself a little worked up this week by Robert De Niro’s star turn in the latest Kia advert, firing off a (since-deleted) tweet in despair at Bobby’s decision to tarnish his great body of work with such a crappy ad.

And while we don’t begrudge anyone a payday, we can understand why Les took it so much to heart. He loves Robert De Niro. So much so that Les used to keep a cardboard cutout of the man himself in his private screening room at home. It used to sit in the seat next to Les as Les watched movies.

Love ‘Love Actually’? Hate ‘Love Actually’? Either way, Love/Hate Actually is the show for you. This award-winning comedy showdown – filled with graphs, rants and Pope costumes – makes its Edinburgh debut this August. Join Natalie and Amy to decide once and for all: is it the ultimate rom com… or ultimately terrible?
[Grab your tickets now]
>> Redwood: Palm-tickler <<
Welcome to the persistence
 

Another palm-tickler to add to the pile alongside Savile, McCririck and Su Pollard? John Redwood MP.

A reader who once interviewed him for radio remembers the incident distressingly well as not only did Redwood tickle her palm with an errant finger when they shook hands hello, he tried it again when they said goodbye.

Needless to say, it didn’t get results.

Spotted in Nando’s Kensal Rise last week: Zadie Smith.
>> KNXIVM <<
First doing time; now doing space
 

Amanda Knox (a.k.a. Foxy Knoxy) is getting married next year – and the plans for her intergalactic/multiverse/space-themed ceremony are quite something. The registry and invitation are well worth a read if you get a minute.

But the thing that really caught our attention? Knox and her partner, Robinson, have designed a little ‘KR’ logo for their website – which you can see in the corner of your browser tab when you visit their registry. One which looks eerily similar to the ‘KR’ logo that Keith Raniere and Allison Mack-off-of-Smallville would burn onto the skin of the women they enslaved in their sex cult, NXIVM.

Something Knoxy might want to reconsider if she hasn’t got the stationery printed yet.

[Take a look]

First it was Mustafa Koc. Now we say RIP to another Popbitch all-timer: India’s former chief minister, Sheila Dikshit.
>> Anal retentive <<
Cuntext is everything
 

There’s an issue in computer programming known as the Scunthorpe Problem. It relates to offensive language and a program’s ability to spot it (named after the oversensitive filters that would autocorrect Scunthorpe to ‘Sc*nthorpe’).

The Guardian seems to be having trouble with something similar with the new formatting software they have for their print editions. For some reason, words that contain “anal” appear to force a line break, meaning that a word like “analogue” will get snapped in two: with “anal-” appearing in the top line and “ogue” appearing in the one below.

Let’s just hope they don’t print any in-depth analysis until the bug is fixed.

This week’s Media Masters is a conversation with radio host and former MTV bod, Dave Berry. He talks through his career in telly, explains his run-ins with Denzel Washington and recounts how he tried to save the world’s very last Blockbuster Video store…
[Listen/Download on Media Masters]
>> Hmmms <<
J-Lo, cats, defamation
 

We’ve got one last Popbitch Popquiz before our summer break
[Join us on August 6th]

Is there a cat in the movie you’re watching?
[Run a search through this]

Happy 50th birthday to J-Lo – who delivered what may well be the worst line in cinema history
[Gobble Gobble]

Natasha Bedingfield is back!
[Stream on your platform of choice]

Data visualisations of 100 years of American baby names
[See here]

New defamation case in Australia, suggesting that people might be liable for defamatory comments posted by others to their own Facebook walls
[Read on ABC]

Boris Johnson gets the Cassetteboy treatment
[Watch on YouTube]

Thanks to: RLL, AB, MDS, KC, axemonkey, ourmaninkabul, LM, bad_horsey, GR, RJ, SW, thistle, TB, E, TW, AM, monstris
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