Groundhog Moshpit

Long before she became a Duchess, Meghan Markle used to supplement her acting income by working as a freelance calligrapher. She’s previosuly described her old side-job as being “super lucrative”, but it surely can’t compare to the sorts of payouts she’s getting now.

The Mail has just been forced to fork out £450,000 to Meghan as an interim payment as their privacy trial continues – with her potentially standing to get more than a million.

And to think! Had Meghan not chosen to drop her standard handwriting style almost immediately after meeting Prince Harry (switching instead to writing full-time in fancy calligraphy; suddenly drafting even the simplest notes to pals like they were official royal decrees – right from the earliest days of them dating) then the Mail On Sunday might never have been tempted to print the striking handwritten letter that’s since caused them so much trouble.

FYI: One of Meghan’s pre-Harry calligraphy gigs? Writing the invitations to Robin Thicke’s wedding.

Ant Middleton is blaming “the woke patrol” for Channel 4’s decision not to work with him again, while Channel 4 blames his “personal conduct” – but who to believe?

One incident that sticks in the mind of those who worked with him is the time he left his entire crew on the side of Mount Everest for a few days while he took a private helicopter to a nearby luxury hotel spa in Namche Bazaar where he got hammered on cocktails for days on end before flying back to join them for the final leg.

The incident might not have rankled quite so much if, on the day he left his crew behind at basecamp, someone back in the UK hadn’t sent out a tweet on the official Ant Middleton Twitter feed to plug his book that read: “Always remember you’re a leader not a follower! If you separate yourself from the group, you won’t win trust.”

But mostly what pissed them off was that, when he did return, rather than show the slightest hint of humility, he just kept endlessly bragging to everyone about his ‘stinky cock’.

Top Irish horse trainer Gordon Elliott’s career is in meltdown, thanks to the release of a shocking photo of him sat taking a phonecall on a dead horse. But why has this old picture surfaced now?

Could it have anything to do with another rumour going around the tracks at the moment about a recent incident that involved a fistfight, a private bar, a young stable girl, and a top Irish horse trainer who got caught by his better half with his trousers down?

(If so, it might also help explain why a certain racing presenter hasn’t been seen on camera for a while…)

There’s a long-standing truism in the celebrity world: the nicer the client, the shittier the agent.

This ends up working out great for shitty celebs, as nice agents will slog their guts out to get their awful clients better coverage than they’d otherwise deserve. The trouble for nice celebs is that having a shithead agent can often result in unduly bad coverage.

All of which is to say: if you’ve noticed that coverage of Raheem Sterling is getting a little more sympathetic these days, it might have something to do with the story that broke yesterday about his former agent Aidy Ward being investigated for bunging money to the parents of an underage player to encourage them to sign.

Staffers on a GQ fashion shoot with Sterling remember Ward being such a tiresome twat, on set and off, that they swore they’d never deal with him as an agent again. Which meant that (up until recently, at least) they couldn’t work with Raheem either.

Politico’s London Playbook email, which hits the inboxes of the Westminster media bubble each morning, usually delights in all the political gossip that’s been whipping around the corridors of power – but one story was notably light on insider detail earlier this week.

On Tuesday, the Daily Mail ran a juicy front page splash about Boris Johnson’s secret plan to set up a shadowy ‘charity fund’ that would see rich Tory donors helping to foot the spiraling cost of his private Downing Street refurbishment – a pricey little project overseen by his fiancée, Carrie Symonds.

Sounds like the sort of story a well-connected politics email could really get its teeth into, no? Especially as its editor has an inside man deep in the heart of the Johnson-Symonds household.

Little baby Wilfred: his reported godson.

Because kitty litter is commonly used in home meth labs (both as an odour suppressant and, sometimes, an ingredient) supermarket delivery services are supposed to keep an eye out for any customers ordering significant amounts of the stuff, treating a big online shop for cat piss pellets as a red flag – the same way they might with booze, bleach or aspirin.

Which is why someone at one of the more recognisable home-delivery services once had to make a call to a celebrity customer to check that their order – which contained almost nothing but kilos and kilos of kitty litter – was legit and that they weren’t planning on ditching their high-flying football career for the marginally less lucrative life of a meth cook.

But, as far as we know, Robin Van Persie has yet to break bad.

It’s been a tough week for Prince Charles, all told. His dad’s in the hospital, his son’s going another round with the British press – and now one of his idols has carked it.

Long-time Popbitch readers will know that Charles is a bit of a closet reggae fan. During a visit to Harlesden some years back, he popped into Hawkeye Records to talk reggae with the owner, Gerry, telling him that Sugar Minott’s Good Thing Going was his favourite tune.

But it was at a Prince’s Trust gig that he really showed his hand. During a meet-and-greet backstage, Charles was walking down the line thanking the acts who had played, when he stopped to have a proper chat with the members of Aswad, and was heard asking them “Tell me, whatever happened to Bunny Wailer?”

PS writes:
“In the late 90s I was at Miami airport waiting to board a Virgin Atlantic flight back to Blighty. It was a clearly packed flight with long queues, but in front of me was a smartly dressed British woman getting agitated about not getting a free upgrade from steerage.

“The check-in supervisor again emphasised she could not provide a free upgrade – and if it was that important she should have booked Premium Economy or First Class. Clearly desperate, she leaned forward, glancing left and right in a covert manner, and said, ‘But he’s a VERY important British actor!’

“I looked back and all I could see was a slightly embarrassed looking Johnny Briggs.”

S writes:
“Having been a standby contestant at The Weakest Link back in the day, I can confirm Anne Robinson didn’t want to be burdened with the general public. In between the two episodes being filmed that day, I decided to pop out of the green room to go to the loo – only to be stopped by a runner with a hushed ‘No! Anne’s coming…’ The door, which had been previously propped open all the time, was pulled to until she’d gone by.”

Anne Robinson wasn’t the only TV host known for her Darth Vader-esque strides through the studio. That story rang a distant bell for someone who worked on Richard And Judy’s Channel 4 show too.

Towards the end of their time on TV, Judy’s patience for the industry had worn pretty thin so she didn’t spare anyone’s feelings in production meetings whenever someone floated an idea she didn’t like. Largely she was fine, but during one particularly tetchy week Judy was rejecting practically every idea put in front of her – which made the process of getting a daily show on air increasingly stressful.

On the Thursday of that same week, Judy sustained a minor leg injury which required the temporary use of a wheelchair for her to get around off-set. Sympathy among production was a little limited though – as evidenced by the fact that whenever she glided past their desks, someone would not-so-subtly play the Star Wars Imperial March from their computer.

Far from being annoyed, apparently Judy “fucking loved it”.

FYI: If you’re wondering how Judy sustained the injury, Richard got pissed in the green room after the show and happily explained to guests and colleagues – in classic Madeley style – that he’d tried to engage Judy in a little spot of kitchen sex, which had resulted in Judy slipping on the tiled floor as he tried to find a suitable mounting position.

The marriage of Kim And Kanye as told through Instagram
[Read on Slate]

Groundhog moshpit
[See on Instagram]

Quick round of Amanda Knox: The Board Game, anyone?
[See on Board Game Geek]

Inserting peeled boiled eggs into your arse: now scientifically advised against
[Someone tell Elle Macpherson]

Headline of the week: Blue Peter Award Given To Weston-Super-Mare Hamster
[Read on BBC]

A rooster is in prison after bringing an unfortunate new meaning to cockfighting
[Read on Business Today]

A $500,000 GoFundMe to help prevent the eviction of Vogue Editor-At-Large Andre Leon Talley
[Save Andre]

An interview with a former stylist for The Muppets
[Read on Vulture]

Still Bored?
How long until you can have a pint? A helpful website to keep track.
[Count down the days]