“All I know is nobody ever said anything about me at all before Jimmy Savile” – Max Clifford
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|_| |_| 30.05.13 ISSUE 644
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* The world’s best Bombay Mix
* Sandwich tossing down under
* Charts: Naughty Boy is number 1
>> Family misfortune <<
Les Dennis is a turncoat
Les Dennis was vocal in his support of the campaign to save his local family-run newsagent in Highgate from a Sainsbury’s takeover. In fact, he took time out of his busy schedule performing at the Edinburgh Fringe in order to hum and haw in his local newspaper about whether a Sainsbury’s could ever serve as the “heart and hub of [the] community”.
Looks like it can. As who was standing in front of our spy in the queue at the new Sainsbury’s within a week of it opening? Why, celebrity face of the local “Stop Sainsbury’s” campaign… Les Dennis!
Make some motherfucking noise, Liverpool! This year’s panto at Epstein Theatre stars … Paul Danan! See you there!
>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week
Which cheerful lycra-clad fitness fanatic has a surprisingly short temper? While leading a warm-up session for a 100k charity walk over the weekend he had a minor disagreement with one of the organisers and was overheard barking at him “Speak to me like that again and I’ll smash your fucking face in.”
This week’s Swedish lesson: Bjornfitta, the round fur hats worn in the winter. Literally – bear cunt.
>> Popbits <<
It’s a Bombay Mix
Bored with your pop collection? Try listening instead to Indian cover versions. The Final Countdown, Barbie Girl, La Macarena… they’re all there. And we can’t begin to explain the delights of We Will Rock You mistranslated as We Love Rocky.
Popbitch’s Favourite media lawyer? Mr Roger Law, from the BBC Programme Legal Advice Dept.
>> What in the world…? <<
International journalism today
Two sandwiches have been thrown at Prime Minister Julia Gillard in two separate incidents. The reporting has been faultless. news.com.au has full details of filling, bread type, toasting level, slicing, and the trajectory and timing of the second sandwich’s flight.
Ghanian news are in investigation mode after learning that “there have been reports of some people, especially men, bonking mad women in the city at night for voodoo purposes.”
The Guardian open a ‘data-driven’ coffee shop in Shoreditch and, impressively, have managed to shift even fewer coffees than newspapers.
US: Gawker raise $200k to give drug dealers for a crack-smoking video.
UK: Sun journo in court for alleged payment of 17k to HMRC official. (Everything’s bigger in America.)
>> Nan negotiable fee <<
A load of old Maloney
A word of advice if you’re ever planning on hiring Christopher Maloney to do a public appearance – say, for example, handing out the prizes at a story competition for school kids in Liverpool.
You can laugh at his first offer of a 250 pound appearance fee. He’ll quickly cut a hundred off it. Just don’t counter that second offer with “bus fare” or you’ll find yourself having to dish out the prizes yourself.
Popbitch’s favourite owl sanctuary? Screech Owl Sanctuary in Truro – run by Carol Screech.
>> Shirty Bristow <<
Eric: the diva of darts
Now that Eric Bristow is trying to break into the personal appearance/after dinner speaking circuit, we hope that his attitude to the general public has mellowed.
A few years back, after the curtain had come down on ‘A Night With Eric Bristow’ at the Stevenage Arts and Leisure centre, fans were queuing up for autographs. Bristow told a group to fuck off as they were “dawdling”.
The reason for their dawdling? They were letting a man in a wheelchair go up first. When they explained themselves to Bristow, he was having none of it and went off in a huff.
Walking into the Italian Cultural Institute in Belgrave Square, the first thing you see as you enter is a large framed photograph of Mussolini holding a pickaxe.
>> Double agent <<
The good and bad in Daniel Craig
“Re: him being grumpy on a plane, I was next to him in The Square restaurant in London and he was really chirpy then. But that was probably the three bottles of Chateau Margaux!”
“Your story about Daniel Craig being a dickhead on Virgin flights reminded me of a similar story a few years back. A friend of mine was working as a runner for the Beeb and they were always under strict instructions never to treat celebs like ‘celebs’ and ask for autographs etc. My friend’s fellow runner was a huge Bond fan and broke the golden rule when he asked Craig for a quick signature. Craig was very charming and told him not to worry. The runner was overjoyed telling everyone how down to earth the actor was. And yet perhaps he wasn’t. The runner was promptly sacked.”
Arrested Development goes online; Netflix shares down 6%.
>> Euro deja vu <<
Don’t play that song again
The last time Eurovision was held in Sweden was in 2000. The contest was won by Denmark, Malta came eighth and France was a lowly 23rd. The UK’s entry was a woman whose biggest chart success had been a version of Total Eclipse Of The Heart. Exactly as happened in 2013.
There is a pet-only social network now. We don’t want to link to it. We just want to warn you that it exists.
>> Jury disservice <<
Eurovision results are out
Eurovision always sends fan sites into conspiracy theory mode, but never as much as this year. The info detailing the splits between what the public voted for and the choices of the juries will do little to quell the backlash. With the practical and political complexities involved in managing the contest these days, the EBU does a pretty good job, so we won’t be joining in on the wilder theories. But the current system of secretive national juries over-riding popular acts is storing up problems.
Greece’s hairy men, Romania’s opera star and the Hungarian hipsters unsurprisingly all had huge public votes but were marked very low by juries, who backed boring ballads (Moldova, Georgia) over fun and entertainment. You’d have to wonder if even Lordi would have won under this system.
Come on BBC. Release the UK vote splits, and show us what the public and juries decided here.
Denmark seem to have won both public vote and jury selection. Which is good news.
>> Hmmms <<
Raptors, cats, Shipman
Nice piece on the about-turn the leftie press has done on Sweden:
Good to see that Donna from Elastica is clean and happy. It’s not a patch on her early stuff though…
Berlin based 80s electronic wizards Noblesse Oblige have a new album out:
Thanks to: SF, D, majorbloodnok, SG, CB, RB, JT, MD, TB, SW, AH, O’OR, TR, snowstrobe, AM, ulysses, EE, theabominablehoman
Old Jokes Home
“Did I tell you about our pet bird of prey? He only goes out at night and plays in a band!”
“Yeah, our kestral manoeuvres in the dark.”
Best link ever – the direction of luggage carousels around the world: