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“I have a really sweet tooth and love cupcakes and doughnuts” – Cheryl Cole
“I have a chalkboard in my house and every week I’ve been writing a new lyric on it from my record” – Taylor Swift
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|_| |_| 25.09.13 ISSUE 659
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* No money, mo’ problems
* Seeing Saint SuBo
* Charts: Derulo is still no 1
>> Hair of the dogger <<
There’s one king of the swingers
If you have the misfortune to share a name with a well-known personality, occasionally you will receive emails that are intended for your more famous namesake.
Someone who shares a similar name to Hairy Biker Si King has had to reply to countless emails from TV producers and journalists over the years, telling them that they have the wrong address.
Whether or not it was the Hairy Biker Si King who applied for membership to a dogging website last week, we don’t know. All we know is that more than 20 messages from doggers have arrived at the wrong inbox and we’re worried that the Si King in question might never find out what “Charlie”, “Sparkle” and others wanted to share with him.
PR email of the week – “Thought you might like to see this…” – photos of Fearne Cotton wearing a coat. Thanks, Superdry!
>> Floorfiller <<
Trans-SuBo-stantiation
Sightings of the Virgin Mary and Jesus Christ in everyday objects are ten a penny.
We’ve found a true miracle. Here, in the floorboards of the Hair Friendly salon in Belfast, is a manifestation of our new people’s champion, Saint SuBo.
Gary Wilmot’s father was the bass voice that sang the line “I Am A Mole And I Live In A Hole”.
>> Big Questions <<
Who is the new Zac Efron?
Every young star needs a fixer in their entourage to score their drugs. In movie circles this usually means a “producer” with a trust fund. There’s one international film financier photographed with almost every troubled star and starlet… usually just before they head to rehab. So it’s bad news for the team around which once-hot young Brit actor (whose love-life and advertising deals are bigger news than his recent films) as their boy seems to be hanging out more and more with his “ambience technician”?
Joss Whedon’s new series, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D, starts on Channel 4 on Friday.
>> Hiss and make-up <<
It’s great to be a bridesmaid
Denise Welsh got married in Portugal last month. However, even flogging the photos to Hello wouldn’t appear to have offset the costs of the bash. The bridesmaids had to pay 75 quid each to get their make-up done. One of them couldn’t afford it and was in tears, so the others had a whip round to raise the cash for her. Oh, the glamour.
Not content with ruining sex for everyone, E.L. James is bringing out a 50 Shades Of Grey wine, ruining booze for everyone too.
>> No money, mo’ problems <<
Guess what? The MOBOs get worse
Aged between 16-25? Feel that your time is literally worthless? Fancy spending an evening of your young life showing people like Timmy Mallett where to sit? You’re in luck! The MOBO awards are hosting a competition that will allow some lucky winners to work this year’s event – for FREE!
Not only will winners get to do jobs that, ordinarily, people might be paid a wage for, MOBO staff “will endeavour to give you the opportunity to enjoy some of the performances on the night.” Which means you might get to see So Solid Crew! In 2013!
Fingers crossed that Romeo Dunn is on better form there than he is here, in this arse-puckeringly awful car insurance advert.
http://bit.ly/19Bumf6
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259GBP Iceland: What about a 3-night break in the world’s most northerly capital and a chance to tick the awe-inspiring Northern Lights off your bucket list? Travel Nov-March, 2014, to take advantage of this 40%-off deal. Snap it up here: http://bit.ly/Iceland-Holiday
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>> Conspiracy corner <<
Syria situation: still complex
We had some interesting feedback on last week’s story about Syrian conspiracies from energy experts and hacks in the Middle East.
Some said the theory was nonsense (Qatar is rich in gas, not oil, so any source suggesting it was all about oil clearly had no clue.) Some swore that it was completely true while others told us that, although pipeline diplomacy has played a part, it’s more Syria’s refusal to allow Turkey to complete its gas pipeline from Egypt that might help explain why they’ve been so quick to support (arm) the Syrian opposition.
Most interesting though was the email from an Al-Jazeera employee who said there was absolutely no way their channel was masterminding the anti-Assad demos – if only because the current infrastructure couldn’t organise a piss-up in a brewery, much less stage-manage overthrowing the Syrian government.
Screenwriter David S Goyer, on Van Damme. “He told me ‘Hollywood will try to destroy you, but I will protect you like an eagle!’ And then completely randomly, he said ‘The homosexuals love me…’.”
>> Delivery service <<
Thai-ing the umbilical cord
After linking to a recipe for plasagne last week (lasagne made with placenta) one very kind Popbitch reader sent us a few other tried-and-tested serving suggestions. Enjoy!
“On the birth of my first child I took the placenta home and fried it (well, just some of it as they’re massive) with onions, a bit of garlic and some herbs. It was lovely.
“With my second child I made Thai green curry with it. It was disgusting.”
Brad Pitt and Shia Leboeuf, filming Fury at Pinewood, are staying in Stoke Park, famous for the golf scene in Goldfinger.
>> Gigging order <<
Keeping kids off the street
From a recent interview with Jessie J:
“There’s a song I really want to do with Ed Sheeran. I keep messaging him, but he’s so busy. I’m like, ‘C’mon Ed – let’s take it back to the days when it was me and you on Old Street doing an urban gig.'”
To the people in charge of Ed Sheeran’s diary. Please keep it up. Keep him as busy you possibly can. The thought that this abortion of an idea might ever happen is more than we can bear.
Hans Zimmer – who composed the scores for Inception, Gladiator, The Crimson Tide and the Nolan Batman films also composed the theme for Henry Kelly’s Going For Gold.
>> Gangsta parasite <<
Coolio’s on the scrounge
Owing to some visa issues, Coolio found himself unexpectedly stuck in London for a night this week. Rather than use the opportunity to take in a West End show or maybe grab a nice meal, Coolio did what any self-respecting celeb would do and instantly had his team fire out an email asking if any promoters wanted to pay him to do a last-minute performance or do an impromptu meet-and-greet. Or, failing any of that, just give him a bunch of drinks and lay on a taxi for him.
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STREET FOOD EUROPE, the Eurovision of street food (without Albania), is happening in Hackney this weekend: http://britishstreetfood.co.uk/
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>> Hmmms <<
Flute drops, Franco, husky
Popbitch’s favourite Dutch celebrity personal trainer and fitness guru? Oswin Beingsick:
http://linkd.in/18ZjbL0
The 10 most James Franco lines in James Franco’s new novel:
http://on.tnr.com/1fGW7rJ
“Atos bashing is just a fad”, says Simon Stevens, star of C4’s I’m Spazzticus. And consultant for Atos:
http://huff.to/192Y22t
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Thanks to: EB, DP, LSM, Oscar Wilde, JB, SG, SK, AHL, JS, deep stoat, SD, AP, theabominablehoman, monstris, TM, DoB, AA, JH, SK, CC
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Old Jokes Home:
I’ve just been to see a sick friend in hospital.
I found him in the mortuary, masturbating…
