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GRAND NATIONAL: Open an account with Coral. Bet before 5pm today and get 20GBP free bet, 5GBP free bet from this evening until the race: http://cora1.co.uk/1qbhfPX
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“I think the entire trajectory of Razorlight might be a Freudian illumination of male sexual insecurity” – Jonny Borrell
POPBITCH _ _ _ _
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|_| |_| 07.04.15 ISSUE 780
Free email every week
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Email stories hello@popbitch.com
* Our annual Grand National tips
* Farage’s swift Brexit
* Charts: Posner v Sia for no 1
>> Legal freeze <<
Gagged and rebound
Last Friday (April 1st) we received a communication from Carter Ruck: the notoriously stern law firm. We fleetingly wondered if they had developed a sense of humour (having chosen to wait until four minutes past midnight on April Fools Day to get in touch with their takedown request) but it turned out it wasn’t a prank.
Celebrity lawyers are properly back. Another legal firm has tried this week to put the frighteners on anyone who wishes to cover the divorce of Colin Montgomerie.
Seeing as it’s becoming a big deal again, we’ve revised and expanded our guide to the in-jokes of injunctions so you can enjoy the reporting while staying safe online…
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POPBITCH POPQUIZ – THIS TUESDAY! The infamous Popbitch Popquiz is back at Smiths Of Smithfield on Tuesday 12th April. 7pm for 7:30 start. GBP5 entry. Gossip, music, trivia and prizes. Book in your table here and join us! Details: http://bit.ly/1R95FRQ
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>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
Which Game of Thrones star is dealing with the demanding role and schedule by chucking so much powder up their nose there are very few days they don’t end up royally twatted?
Fifth Harmony are the first girl group to go top 10 in the US since Pussycat Dolls in 2008.
>> Hole again <<
George: hi-viz/helmet
Although it’s open season on David Cameron at the minute, we shouldn’t forget it’s always good to poke a little fun at George Osborne too.
On a recent visit to a TfL construction site, Osborne was besieged by so many protestors that his planned photoshoot wasn’t able to go ahead.
Never one to turn down the opportunity for a picture in a hi-viz/helmet costume, George insisted something be done.
So TfL workers had to dig a special hole that he could crawl out of purely for the purposes of a photo op; one that was far enough away from the protest site that it wouldn’t appear in the background of any shot.
Every celeb in the first series of I’m A Celebrity in 2002 got the same flat fee: £15,000.
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>> Grand National Section <<
Saturday, 5.15pm, Some tips
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1. Last year’s winner Many Clouds’ odds will drop fast so get in now if you like him. See all horses here: http://cora1.co.uk/1oHYUsX
2. Jockey Paul Moloney has placed in all seven Nationals he’s been in. Tomorrow? Buywise e/w at 50-1.
3. Only three greys have ever won the National… if you fancy a fourth, you want Unioniste.
4.Bet at the price offered – don’t choose SP (starting price).
5. Sign up with Coral, deposit a tenner and make a 5GBP e/w bet on the horse whose name you like best. If it finishes in the first FIVE, you win something: http://cora1.co.uk/1qbhfPX
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>> Shadowy figures <<
Our kind of cover-up
There’s been a lot of whispers in the last week about Culture Secretary John Whittingdale MP and his friendship with a dominatrix.
Much of Fleet Street appears to have spent time and money over the last few months on standing this story up, so why has the press been so silent?
Perhaps newspapers think the minister – a single man after all – should be free to enjoy his private life, though presumably the fact Whittingdale is a strong believer in a free press, and not a strong believer in the BBC license fee, endears him to tabloid bosses in a way that, say, the hooker-loving Blairite peer Lord Sewell never quite did.
Still, there’s one detail in the story which could mean that Whittingdale is actually the perfect candidate to oversee British culture.
The dominatrix in question appears to be the ex-wife of Shadow from Gladiators.
Popbitch’s favourite college basketball player? Michigan State’s… Aerial Powers!
>> Hot desking <<
Rhian’s second job
If you’re feeling hard done by that a pesky injunction has deprived you of some juicy gossip, the Sun has done a great job of going to town on Vernon Kay to make up for it.
However, it is strange that in their comprehensive coverage of Vernon’s one-handed text-fest they didn’t find the space to mention this little detail:
Not only is Rhian Sugden (the blonde lovely that snagged Kay’s eye) an ex-Page 3 Girl, but she’s also had another job. As a desk secretary for… the Sun!
YAY! Pink has a new Max Martin song coming out this month. BOO! It’s from the Alice Through The Looking-Glass film soundtrack.
>> Unreality TV <<
The only way is anywhere
They may have been scripted when they first started but TOWIE and Made in Chelsea were at least fairly authentic about the people and the locality in which they were set.
Not any more. Producers are now trawling talent agencies for wannabe reality TV stars anywhere they can find them. One up-and-coming teen got offered both TOWIE and MiC this week. And he doesn’t come from (or live anywhere near) either Essex or Chelsea.
In its first week, Zayn Malik’s album sold 25% the amount of 1D’s last album. Which is pretty good for only 20% of the band.
>> No hope with dope <<
Operation Puerto limps on
Last weekend’s sports doping story in the Sunday Times brought forth all the usual pledges from authorities that they will do everything they can to root out the dodgy doctors. But is it really as easy as all that?
Look at the biggest doping scandal of recent years, Operation Puerto. The Spanish doctor who was convicted of doping cyclists in 2013 said that cycling made up just one third of his clients. Athletes, tennis players and footballers were all implicated.
But instead of widening the case, the judge involved in Operation Puerto ordered all of the evidence (more than 200 bags of blood) to be destroyed – even though Dr Fuentes told the court he could identify all of the samples. “If you give me a list I could tell you who corresponds to each code on the packs.” The judge was having none of it.
The anti-doping agencies tried to appeal the judge’s decision, so they could out more cheats in other sports. The appeal was held in January and judgement was supposed to have been given within a week. That didn’t happen. Then it was supposed to be within the first quarter of the year. March has just been and gone; still nothing.
The fate of those 211 bags of blood still looks uncertain. Which means there’s a fair few tennis and football stars who can’t rest easy yet.
New Man City boss Pep Guardiola got a seven month suspended prison sentence for doping in 2001 (though he appealed and quashed it in 2009).
>> Farage’s number ones <<
Nige makes a very swift Brexit
Nigel Farage was spotted in the Air Canada flight lounge in Toronto last weekend.
Our contributor spotted him walking around, looking lost, before seeing him pop into the gents. Presumably hoping to catch a glance of those famous “choad-like qualities” he went to follow Nige in.
Alas, he was too late. Farage managed to enter the gents, do his business and leave again in just thirty seconds.
(As if you needed any further reason never to shake the man’s hand…)
FYI: On the flight, Farage was sat in row one, Cilla Black’s spot of choice – all but confirming his ‘Man Of The People’ credentials.
Chris Eubank Jr spotted in Brighton taking pictures and autographs with his fans. Unlike his dad, who would just hand out pre-signed pictures.
>> N-Dubaiz <<
Tulisa takes off
Poor old Tulisa was back in her home-from-home (court) this week, pleading guilty to a drink-driving charge. Her lawyer appealed for court mercy, claiming Tulisa had been signed up by a Hollywood agent, telling the judge she “has placed everything on hold because of this.”
So obviously as soon as the ordeal was over Tulisa headed straight out to LA to work on clinching a movie role?
Er, no. She waltzed off to Dubai on a freebie holiday instead. You know the type. She poses for pap shots in her bikini while the Dubai tourist board pick up the tab – aka, the Michelle Keegan special.
Somehow, hard-working acting student Tulisa has managed to find Hollywood’s most lenient agent. Nice work if you can get it, eh?
Cerys Matthews sang live at the last night of the 150 year old Kensington Park Hotel pub. (That wasn’t why the pub got shut, to be fair.)
>> Home improvement <<
Excavaters gonna excavate
Robbie Williams isn’t getting on so well with the neighbours at his new gaff. He’s doing a few renovations at the minute and someone has taken such objection to the work, they have had a poster printed up and pasted onto the walls.
It’s a picture of Robbie gurning next to the slogan “LET ME EXCAVATE YOU!”
Prime suspect? Robbie’s next door neighbour: Jimmy Page
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Media Masters podcast: How does the news business work? This week’s interview is Pete Clifton, PA Editor-in-Chief, previously editor BBC News Online. Listen here: http://ow.ly/10lhxn
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>> Hmmms <<
Swede, Chicken, fake baby
Employee reviews of Haymarket Publishing. Not all good:
http://bit.ly/25OSZnz
Can you name all the popstars in this supergroup?
http://bit.ly/1VbkaFr
Louis Tomlinson fake baby conspiracy theories:
http://bzfd.it/23lbOg3
Dogs. Playing hockey. Being cute as all heck:
http://bit.ly/1S01DZ4
The latest issue of Popbitch Magazine, filled with a bunch of exclusive stories, gossip and assorted filth is OUT NOW!
Download it for iPhone/iPad: http://bit.ly/1bexc8Y
Download it for Android: http://bit.ly/1vvdK7H
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Thanks to: PD, Scousernorm, FG, pigcity, kerching, AM, D, AB
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Old Jokes Home, pt II:
Dogs might not be able to use an MRI, but they can do a lab report.
Still Bored?
If you want a primer on the wider problem with injunctions, this is still as relevant as it was in December:
http://bit.ly/1N5xtz0
