************************************
easyCar Club – peer-to-peer cars in the UK – rent out your car or pick up a convenient local rental from easyCar Club. Join our growing community today. It’s like airbnb for cars…
Got wheels? carclub.easycar.com/sign-up-pb007
Need wheels? carclub.easycar.com/driver-signup-pb007
Cheaper than Zipcar. Closer than Hertz.
************************************
“It is pure determination that got me to the final (of Celebrity MasterChef). I gave my heart….a hundred million percent” – Jodie Kidd
POPBITCH _ _ _ _
_ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
| ‘_ \ / _ \| ‘_ \| ‘_ \| | __/ __| ‘_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_| |_| 25.07.14 ISSUE 700
Subscribe/unsubscribe https://www.popbitch.com
To send stories email: hello@popbitch.com
* No hyphen in bellend
* What not to sing in Dubai
* Charts: Cheryl Tweedy-Cole-FV is no 1
>> Simon says <<
Legalese-y does it
Media lawyers have been out in force this week after a claim in Tulisa’s court case that Simon Cowell is gay.
Poor old Simon. How many kids does he need to have before people shut up? Instead his people had to come out to deny it and remind us all that Cowell is “renowned for his honesty and candidness”. We’re not entirely sure this was their best response. Does honesty and candidness really go hand in hand with having the pre-prison Max Clifford as your media guru for many years?
Not that Tulisa’s PA, Gareth Varey, who made the claim is a solid source. As soon as the heat started, he recanted immediately with this not-at-all-crafted-by-lawyers apology:
“I do not know why I said it, but assume it is because I was so drunk and felt that I was giving Mahmood the type of information he was seeking.”
FYI: Newspapers reported in March this year that Varey was arrested on suspicion of dealing cocaine and possessing cannabis.
FYI2 : Cowell won’t be interested in the new Rubberbandits video, but you might. It’s got the world’s creepiest Gabriel Byrne puppet singing to you:
https://popbitch.com/home/2014/07/24/the-rubberbandits-are-back/
Not only does newly married Cheryl Fernandez-Versini have a single to promote this week, she’s also launched a perfume, Storm Flower.
>> Bad language <<
Never censor bollocks
Journalists are getting sloppy at the Sunday Sport. Editor Nick Appleyard sent an all-department email out to staff claiming that Sunday’s edition left him feeling physically sick. In particular, the headline “MAN LOSES B*LLOCKS BUT DOCS SAVE HIS BELL-END!”
Was it the thought of a man losing his bollocks making Nick feel squeamish? Erm, no. It was the subediting. Says Nick, “Bollocks is NOT censored, even in headlines, and who the hell puts a hyphen in bellend?”
Nick then went on to give everyone in the company a quick rundown on how exactly they should be swearing.
Home and Away has done 6,000 episodes. If you want to catch up on the history of Summer Bay you’d have to watch non-stop episodes, 24/7, for over 3 months.
>> Big Questions <<
Who wants to know what?
Which young TV star and model has set up an escort profile on the deep web – available via the Tor browser?
************************************
Two great shows at Southbank Centre this August. From 5-10 Aug, Ursula Martinez shares the emails she got when her magic striptease act was posted online and then from 12-16 Aug Bryony Kimmings retraces her sexual footprint following an STI test. Get Popbitch £10 tickets- book with Promocode AUGUST.
http://www.southbankcentre.co.uk/whatson/ursula-martinez-82495
http://www.southbankcentre.co.uk/whatson/sex-idiot-82689
************************************
>> Gropin’ government <<
Yewtree talk through the ages
SG writes:
“In the late 80s, I worked with a group of mothers of disabled kids in Grantham. Over a cuppa, talk turned to whether they had known the then present Prime Minister, who had grown up in that town. Margaret Thatcher was a bit older than the mothers but they knew about Maggie’s dad’s shop and the story almost all of them told was that their own parents had told them never to go in the shop alone as the man behind the counter had wandering hands. Yewtree has arrested people for less…”
Popbitch Quiz comes to SYDNEY! Next Thursday, 31st July. At the lovely Mrs Sippy, Double Bay. With super-special-guest quiz host, loads of music, silliness and slander. Are you based in Sydney and want to win the chance to bring your team/friends/colleagues? Email party@popbitch.com
>> Internetiquette <<
Jimmy’s last ditch attempt
Wikipedia’s Jimmy Wales has been giving a helping hand to Relate, to enable an “online platform for divorcing parents”. If anyone knows how to use the internet in order to dump someone maturely, it’s Jimbo.
In 2008, Wales used Wikipedia to dump his girlfriend Rachel Marsden, a Canadian Fox News pundit, by breaking the news on his personal Talk page. Marsden was not best pleased to learn of the break-up via Wikipedia first (and later from Wales himself – via IM). So she sold off Wales’ soiled clothing on eBay.
(For even more on Jimbo see the latest issue of Popbitch Magazine)
Neighbours has just cast their first indigenous actor as a main character. The show has been broadcast since 1985.
>> Back to black <<
Revisiting Amy’s legacy
Remember that disastrous gig Amy Winehouse had in Dubai in 2011? The one everyone blamed on the smack? We might have been a little quick to judge. One Popbitch reader who worked in Dubai entertainment told us a bit more.
“To get a paying concert on in Dubai you have to get police permission, which means the promoter has to meet with the head of Dubai Police CID. You sit there and this copper asks you questions like “What do this Maroon 5 sing about? Do they sing about love or do they sing about I want to make fuck with you?”
“He told me that he went out to the actual gig for Amy Winehouse’s 2011 show and met with her in her dressing room. ‘I tell to Amy Winehouse you not sing about fuck or I put you in jail’ he proudly told us. As I recall, for that show Amy didn’t sing about anything at all and was then booed by the crowd.
“The same guy also pulled a hunting rifle out in one meeting and threatened to shoot the members of a band on stage if they didn’t behave themselves.”
Wednesday was the third anniversary of Amy’s death. The crowds at her Camden shrine seemed much smaller than the last two.
>> Sweeney Toddge <<
Dishing the dirt on John
M writes:
“Everyone at the BBC was happy to have John Sweeney in the house, shouting at every Scientologist and Korean he could find, and would be sorry that he got the sack, but turns out he’s started pissing all over his colleagues on the way out the door. So now everyone’s ready to dish. On things like his particular love of an assignment in Thailand – ladyboys of course.”
Interesting tweet from @FootyHumour:
Cristiano Ronaldo, Gareth Bale & James Rodriguez cost Real Madrid €265M. Ajax have spent €232M on transfers since their founding in 1900.
>> Popbits <<
Summer tunes round-up
The top 9 most heavily hyped summer hits. There’s one that sounds like Sting, one that sounds like summer reggae from the 80s and some that are actually good.
Oh, and Craig David is back!
Listen here:
https://popbitch.com/home/2014/07/24/summer-selection-the-verdict/
32 years ago today Survivor’s Eye Of The Tiger got to number one.
>> The Fire Drill <<
James says it’s OK
After reading our story on the Chiltern Firehouse last week, one reader was convinced that we were in cahoots with them, thinking we ran it in an attempt to “Keep the riff-raff out” – as he ate there the next day and was sat across from no lesser a celeb than Brad Pitt.
We were doing no such thing though. And to prove it, we’ll let the riff-raff know this. Drunk chancers were blagging entrance to the swanky hotel bar last weekend by using the (overheard) lie “James said it was OK”. It worked.
FYI: In the Chiltern Firehouse’s swanky bar last Friday night? Gerard Butler. Being very nice.
The next two Bond films are being shot simultaneously. Apparently Craig is looking his age, and this will fulfil his five picture deal.
>> Hmms <<
Crust, Sinead, rocks
************************************
Thanks to: rt_hon_sidney_spatchcock, GM, smillsy, DJ, GA, JD, JE, mountstnobody, GO, JE
************************************
Old Jokes Home:
A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says: “Five beers, please.”
