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“I couldn’t have done it without the horses” – AP McCoy
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|_| |_| 14.11.13 ISSUE 665
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* The joy of celebrity endorsement
* Kung Fu P’Andre
* Charts: Martin Garrix is no 1
>> Snow joke <<
Emma’s lack of concentration
If a story we heard this week is correct, Emma Spencer of Channel 4 racing needs to pay a little more attention when people are speaking to her, or perhaps pick up a history book.
One of her colleagues was recounting his holiday: to Aspen to ski, to Germany to visit his sister, then to fulfil a lifetime’s ambition and visit Auschwitz.
“For more skiing?” asked Emma.
US tax authorities are going to court over the valuation of Michael Jackson’s estate. The IRS think it’s worth $434 million. MJ’s people reckon it’s closer to $2,105.
>> Swingballs <<
Finally, a good honest star
As the Yewtree investigation marches on, linking most of the TV stars of the 70s and 80s with underage or barely-legal sexual proclivities, it’s nice to know that at least one light entertainment star of the era behaves like a proper adult, with a healthy appreciation of consensual, grown-up coupledom.
Bobby Davro claims to be a swinger.
According to tree specialists, apparently it’s very tricky to estimate the correct age of a yew tree. Which is rather apt…
>> Animal crackers <<
BBC Ben – do some homework
To help to raise some money for the homeless, Ben Fogle joined a group of people sleeping rough for charity last week.
A half dozen of them were dressed for the night in various animal onesies. Ben Fogle – presenter of Ben Fogle’s Animal Clinic and Countryfile – failed to identify even a single species.
Readers’ top passive-aggressive WiFi names
Third: “I Can Hear You Having Sex”
Second: “You’re Loud Music Offends Me” [sic]
Winner: “Grange Hotel Are Cunts”
>> Model behaviour <<
About as bright as Bernie
People who have worked with Claudia Schiffer have often had cause to wonder if she could ever be cut out for anything other than modelling.
An endorsement deal she struck with a cosmetics company became incredibly hard work for all involved when they tried to get her to be a spokesperson. She failed to learn the names (and sometimes even the types) of products she was paid to be endorsing, so all of the interviews she did had to be done over the phone so that someone could stick the product names in front of her face as she spoke.
The company’s head described her as being so dim that she “couldn’t operate a revolving door.”
Which is pretty damning. But still doesn’t rule her out for a position as president of F1.
http://bit.ly/187hO1B
Popbitch’s favourite member of Angus Council? Chief Executive Mr Richard Stiff, of course!
>> Big Questions <<
Who wants to know what?
Which young actress, also highly paid to front a cosmetics firm, has been costing them a fortune in re-touching and re-shoots as she doesn’t want to look as if she has been “airbrushed”?
After “Roxanne” was retired as a hurricane name in 1996, “Rebekah” was introduced. It was slated for 2001, 2007 & 2013, but has yet to be used due to lack of activity.
>> Private lives <<
And the Price of justice
“I want to disown him… he’s not the man I fell in love with.”
Katie Price slammed ex-husband Peter Andre on a TV interview in Australia this week. They’ve been divorced for years, so why is Katie still so mad?
Well, it’s all about a court case. One which could empty her pockets and trash her reputation, if it goes badly for her. It’s a privacy claim against Pete, one of his friends and her ex-management. Her lawyers’ bill for a simple one hour hearing last week was rumoured to be 50k. When you think of how long the court case might last you could almost feel sorry for her. And that’s without mentioning all the text messages and other things which could be made public…
Stewart Lee on Newsnight’s Brand v Paxman: “Like watching a monkey throwing its own excrement at a foghorn.”
>> Kung Fu P’Andre <<
Mayors of Crawley and Croydon!
Spare a thought for Peter Andre too. This is what his career has come to:
“Celebrity, musician and martial arts enthusiast Peter Andre is to launch Kung Fu Schools, an exciting new franchise business – on Friday… The Mayors of Crawley and Croydon and MPs for Croydon and Sutton as well as representatives from the Confucius Institute will also be there to celebrate the launch.”
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FUERZABRUTA IS BACK! Fastest-selling show in Roundhouse history returns in December for 100 performances. An all-standing rave of a show with nudity (moderate), water (lots), and scenes of a poetic nature, all set to a thumping soundtrack. You may get wet; you may get dirty. Tickets from 32.50GBP
http://www.roundhouse.org.uk/fuerzabruta
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>> Popbits <<
Korean pop, dwarfs, Russians
1. Gangnam Style’s horse dance is so last year. Korean pop is now all about the horse suits:
http://bit.ly/1cXA5Ce
2. Kate Beckinsale to Matthew McConaughey: “So you had a circle jerk with a bunch of little people? I would have loved to see that.” How come we missed this film in 2003?
http://bit.ly/1j6IvEU
Last week – Guy Burgess was “Vauxhall”. His handler Blunt’s Soviet codename? “Johnson”. Who knew spies were so amusing?
>> Lord of the rings <<
The real menace of 2012
Seb Coe was talking at the RSA Europe security conference in Amsterdam recently about the complications he faced in organising the Olympics.
So what were Seb’s big problems? If the news is anything to go by, you’d probably assume it was international terror threats or swarms of spies and suicide bombers getting into the country.
But, no. His biggest headaches: Fathers 4 Justice and taxi drivers who didn’t like the fact they couldn’t drive in the Olympic Lanes.
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Last few weeks to see “nut” by Debbie Tucker Green at the National Theatre’s Shed. (4 Stars from Guardian & Observer) “Elayne doesn’t want company but company won’t leave her alone. Everyone’s got an opinion but no-one’s listening and things are starting to slip…” Until 5 December, tickets 12GBP & 20GBP
http://bit.ly/1crcXaz
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>> Hmmms <<
Cheetah, dinosaurs, Mensch
BuzzFeed followed up on our Louise Mensch story. With interesting results:
http://bit.ly/1geqxTR
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T’Pau play Islington Assembly Halls, Sat 23 Nov. Carol Decker doing China In Your Hand is rather wonderful (and we’ve only seen it at karaoke) – plus don’t forget Heart & Soul is one of the most underrated pop songs of the 80s… 25th Anniversary Show – Tickets 18GBP
http://bit.ly/17rNTgE
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Thanks to: NS, jk, cheekbones3, fluoronaut, SG, pottermous, TB, JW, AB, BF, L, TM, qwert yuiop, deirdre, CW
Sound the pedantry klaxon! M writes: “Flat Beat isn’t a true instrumental – it has a small section of speech at the beginning of the single edit and album version. ‘Oh yeah, I used to know Quentin. He’s a real, he’s a real jerk piece.'”
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Old Jokes Home:
I met this dwarf called Peter the other day. He’s a baker and he was telling me all about baking flatbreads. It was fascinating.
I love the pitta patter of tiny Pete.
Still Bored:
If Jamie Oliver and Rick Astley had a lovechild:
http://istockpho.to/1bDAwfY
