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“If you could get a monkey, well, you would get a fucking monkey too! Monkeys are awesome” – Justin Bieber
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|_| |_|18.02.15 ISSUE 773
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* George Foreman steps up
* Stig’s final moment in the Sun
* Charts: Lukas Graham number 1
>> Corden Bleurgh <<
James on the watch list
SXSW recently did a bit of research on the perception of celebrities among American social media users. The personality with the highest score for “authenticity”?
James Corden.
Maybe America needs to be reminded of this, a snippet of Corden’s authentic chat.
Out one night for a meal with an attractive female companion a few years back, James Corden pulled out this line. He pointed to himself and said, “You look at this… and you see James Corden.”
He then pointed down at the enormous, expensive-looking watch on his wrist and said, “You look at this… and you see James Bond”.
The British Embassy in Buenos Aires has its own pub. Called The Hand of God.
>> Boxing tips <<
George Foreman steps up
Many athletes have strange little superstitions, but boxer-turned-grill-shiller George Foreman has one of the weirdest ones we’ve ever heard.
George is happy to walk up stairs, but refuses to walk down them – something he only told his hosts at an event in London once he had got up them.
Luckily the building had a lift, otherwise there was no telling how they’d have got him back to ground level.
And it worked out pretty well for one guy in the building. When George stepped out of the lift, he assumed the man waiting by the doors was a bellhop – so tipped him a tenner.
He wasn’t. He just happened to be standing there.
Andi Peters refuses to get a smart-phone. He still uses a Nokia 3210.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
Which UKIP-supporting celeb once refused the limo sent to take her to an event because the driver was “the wrong colour”?
Which Hollywood star caused widespread confusion at the BAFTAs when she announced to her make-up artist that she “didn’t want anyone touching [her] face?”
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Like Amnesty International? Ways you can get involved:
http://bit.ly/1Ua1d4w
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>> Spitting bards <<
Final moments in the Sun
The Sun’s Managing Editor, Stig Abell, is giving up his position at the paper to edit the Times Literary Supplement instead.
Sounds like a much better fit. His new colleagues at the TLS probably won’t roll their eyes at the amount of times he brings up Shakespeare to show how well read he is, or when he commissions huge spreads on him either.
But he does definitely leave a legacy at the Sun. Having noticed all the attention that he got from the women working there, many of the younger staff members started copying his look, and grew matching beards.
Viewing figures for the Grammys were the lowest for six years.
>> Three wishes <<
The state of modern media
It’s been all hands on deck at BBC Three in advance of the great shift online.
In order to feed the troops and boost morale, one of the team decided they would stock everyone up on the usual beer, pizza and Haribo to help them through some of the brutal all-night sessions.
The offer was rejected. They only wanted water and gluten free pizza.
What a time to be alive!
The man responsible for HSBC’s cyber defences? It’s John Hackett!
>> Tweenage dream <<
Ready to feel old?
You might not know the name Tim Byrne, but you’ll know his work. He was the mastermind behind Syco’s Little Mix, One Direction and Fifth Harmony, and before that he gave us Steps and A1.
He makes him one of the most consistent kingmakers in the business. Which makes his latest project all the more curious: an all-girl band made up of 11 and 12 year olds, L2M.
We met him (and them) to see what the future of pop might look like:
http://bit.ly/1QLa6Mj
Some lucky lady had a treat last Friday lunchtime: Lembit Opik was seen striding down Chiswick High Rd cradling a half-bottle of champagne.
>> E. L. Oh <<
Eurovision update
Hayley Evetts from Pop Idol was supposed to star in Romania’s Eurovision selection, with a very ELO-sounding song. The song, it turns out, was co-written by a man called Phil Bates, whose band, Trickster, supported ELO on tour and who then became the vocalist in Bev Bevan’s ELO Part II.
We got the news today that Hayley pulled out, citing a serious knee injury.
We reckon Jeff Lynne heard it and kneecapped her.
Craig David absolutely loves the film Devil’s Advocate and watches the DVD “incessantly”.
>> Gone catfishing <<
Casting the net wide
MTV is trying to get a British Catfish TV show off the ground, but we’re a little sceptical.
This was first announced in October 2013. A few months after the announcement we got this plaintive email from them: “We are contacting journalists to see if they may have any interesting stories. We would be able to arrange a finder’s fee for any stories used on Catfish UK.”
But still nothing on TV.
Now a different production company is out there trawling for online couples who’ve never actually met. Maybe the problem is that, unlike in the States, people here don’t really want to find out the glamour model they’ve been sexting is actually a SysAdmin called Nigel.
The celeb mags really want you to know Cheryl’s still popular. Linked to her this week: Craig David, Ashley Cole, a sports star, a businessman, a music executive, her husband JB…
>> Feline sad <<
Cat calamity in Croydon
Croydon has a cat murderer. He’s thought to have claimed his 50th victim this week. It’s got so serious that Martin Clunes has been writing to the head of the Met Police to urge them into action. Caroline Flack and Dermot O’Leary have pledged support and a member of the Vamps has offered free tour tickets to anyone who solves the crime.
But there are fears the Cat Ripper has widened his territory into Southwark, as there were two cat attacks in Dulwich last week.
Unless, of course, the Southwark killer is… a copycat.
FYI: One-legged animal porn fan told by judge he has “walked into trouble”:
http://bit.ly/1QmH9fu
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Need a new novel to read? Try Memories Of A Stalker:
http://bit.ly/1oM3GGk
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>> Hmmms <<
Potholes, Clifford, donkeys
Amazing 8-bit game: Can you get Leonardo Di Caprio his Oscar?
http://redcarpetrampage.com/
Max Clifford’s recipe for a fried breakfast:
http://bit.ly/1KY0qS9
Someone is crowdfunding for a film about Eurodance starring Haddaway:
http://igg.me/at/neverendingdream
Local News Of The Week: Save the Bognor pothole!
http://bit.ly/21amDAq
Grandmaster Flash becomes the first man ever to be excited about a rail replacement bus service:
http://on.fb.me/1KY0Urw
Caity Weaver’s profile of Justin Bieber in GQ is one for the ages:
http://bit.ly/1oM4xXv
Thanks to everyone who noted Khloe Kardashian was wrong (“Nobody ever wrote a song about a small ass”):
http://bit.ly/1LuUGdm
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Thanks to: BV, TD, RK, tinkerbell, MG, CD, LB, SF, AA, H, LMES, L, D, theabominablehoman, ulysses, MF, PC, SJ, Fo_Shizzle, JD, CA, bobbifleckmann
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Old Jokes Home:
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
David Bowie.
David Bowie who?
Ah, how soon we forget…
Still Bored?
LaToya’s reunion with Bubbles
http://bit.ly/1QLpSqI
