Make America Speculate Again

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“The Borat video is a complete fabrication. I was tucking in my shirt.” – Rudy Giuliani

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* Slow munching with Peter Hitchens

* Keeping the flow with Jeremy Irons

* PLUS: How much money’s on Trump?

>> Silent film <<

The summer of hush returns

Lily James has been lying low since those photos in Italy with Dominic West came to light. But rest assured, her people haven’t been quite so inactive.
Celebrity law firm Schillings have been making it feel like old times on Fleet Street again by warning news organisations off certain types of story. In particular, they seem to be taking an especially dim view of stories that imply any sort of connection between their client and Armie Hammer.
Which must make reviewing the film they’re currently starring in together quite tricky.

Ill-fated content platform Quibi has shut down after six months. Founder Jeffrey Katzenberg’s big plan to boost staff morale was to have them listen to a song from the 2016 kids film Trolls called ‘Get Back Up Again’.

>> Who 2? <<

The kids aren’t pro-Bono

Fans of pious tax-dodgers will be delighted to hear that Bono is putting the finishing touches to his autobiography.
We imagine there’ll be plenty of tales about how humbling he’s found all his charity work in Africa. Though presumably he won’t include the time he was actually humbled, when he threw a strop after a bunch of the 10 and 11 year old children he so selflessly went to visit had no idea who he was.

Manchester United centre half Axel Tuanzebe holds the Guinness World Record for the quickest clearing of a game of Hungry Hungry Hippos. 17.36 seconds.

>> Big Questions <<

Who’s asking what this week?

Which British MP is looking to take a trip out to the States for the upcoming election, and has been putting out some feelers to see if there might be a sugar daddy out there willing to bankroll it?

Now that we order everything online, it makes sense to keep your beer money where it’s most useful. HonestBrew Membership not only delivers the best craft beers from around the world direct to your door, you save up to 15% on all products too. Popbitch readers who sign up now will get a free £10 credit for their first month (with no min spend). Whether you splash out or save, it’s yours to spend how you like. [Claim your £10 free beer credit now]

>> For Pete’s sake <<

A Hitch in the plan

After making a big song and dance about face coverings this summer, photographing himself multiple times in full WW2 gas mask get-up, it seems Peter Hitchens has settled on a new plan to flout the requirement to wear a face mask on public transport.
On the train from London to Oxford this week, Hitchens ignored the many announcements and signs asking him to consider fellow passengers and wear a mask – instead getting himself a cup of tea and a packet of crisps so that he could remain maskless in order to consume them. He then proceeded to make the solitary packet of crisps last the entire journey, nibbling away at a rate of one crisp per 1.8 minutes.
So if any starving schoolkids are looking for advice on how to make a meal out of not very much…

Prince Charles will be excited for the new Borat film. He had a private screening of the first one, which he loved, saying he “couldn’t believe the Americans even understood why it was funny.”

>> Telling tails <<

The richest fucking dog in America

With the death of rock statesman Spencer Davis this week, friends in LA have been sharing their fondest memories of him.
Despite his successful music career, Spencer still liked to play the lottery, buying three sets of tickets: one for him, one for his wife and one for his dog. For many years, the tickets brought nothing but disappointment – until one draw in 2012 when his numbers suddenly came good.
He won $10. His wife won $10. And his dog? $250,000.
The following week, Spencer was due to attend an industry lunch at the Sunset Marquis, so brought his lucky mutt with him, who looked resplendent in a fancy new diamanté collar and leash. He announced his arrival in the broad Welsh accent he never lost, saying: “Lovely to see you all, my very successful friends. Now, I want you all to meet the richest fucking dog in America.”

RIP James Randi. On an episode of The Tonight Show, he helped Johnny Carson set up Uri Geller by ensuring all spoons and other props were kept out of Geller’s tampering hands until the show. The result? One of the most excruciating interviews of all time.

>> Trumped up odds <<

Make America speculate again

There’s an eerily familiar tone creeping in with pundits talking about Biden’s chances in the upcoming election. While Biden has maintained a consistent polling lead and continues to be the betting markets’ favourite, Trump is overperforming on one notable metric.
So, just to stop anyone from getting too comfortable:
2016 US Election – Clinton was polling and betting markets’ favourite, but 68% of money bet on the outcome went on Trump. Trump won.
2016 Brexit Ref – Remain was polling and betting markets’ favourite, but 75% money bet on the outcome went on Leave. Leave won.
2020 US Election – Biden is polling and betting markets’ favourite, but the percentage of money bet on the outcome for Trump so far? Currently close to 80%.

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>> The Daily Tonic <<

A little afternoon delight

We know there’s no shortage of stuff to read at the minute, but if the endless parade of horrors that is 2020 leaves you crying out for a brief moment of lightness and levity, we’re still sending out daily mini-issues of Popbitch each afternoon to help keep the nation’s pecker up.
Sure, we probably won’t get an MBE for it (unlike part-timer Joe Wicks) but it’s still nice to have a little bit of insanity on our own terms – even if it’s only for five minutes.
[Sign up/catch up here]

This week’s audio quiz themes have included: Songs With Legendary Videos, Songs Involved In Copyright Disputes and Songs Banned In The First Gulf War. You can play those rounds, and over 150 more, here.

>> Press leaks <<

A conversational flow

After the New Yorker suspended a staffer for having a not-so-sly wank on Zoom with colleagues, we asked daily readers to tell us about other strange celebrity behaviour that took place in meetings.
BL writes:

“A former colleague of mine once did a press junket with Jeremy Irons. She reported that in the middle of the interview in the usual hotel room set-up, he got up and went into the bathroom – leaving the door open – and had a piss, while keeping the conversation going over his shoulder the whole time.
“I can’t remember asking if he washed his hands or not. Sorry, bad form for a longtime Popbitch subscriber.”

SF writes: “A friend of mine once interviewed Jeremy Irons. After the interview he lifted the end of his tie towards them and asked: ‘Would you like to have my tie?’ My friend, looking at this fairly ordinary yellow tie, said ‘Not really. Why?’ Irons replied, ‘Because after people have met me they want to take a bit of me away with them.'”

>> Quizzical activity <<

Popbitch Popquiz: Halloween Edition

With new multi-tiered restrictions popping up everywhere and our social lives doomed to be conducted over Zoom again, we’ve put together a special Halloween edition of the Popbitch Popquiz for you to play at home.
Containing everything you need to host your own version for friends and family (potentially colleagues too if your HR department is lax), there’s eight new rounds of puzzles, trivia, music and other crafty challenges to keep you occupied through spooky season.
[Just £5 – download it now]

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[Follow this link and get cooking]

>> Hmmms <<

Collins, covers, chickens

Beastie Boys v Ghostbusters

[An excellent mash-up]
The Big Breakfast house is up for sale

[A snip at £5.75m]
Miley Cyrus is working on an album of Metallica covers

[Read on NME]
Headline Of The Week, pt.1: “Phil Collins Wants To End Ex-Wife’s Armed Occupation Of His Mansion, Lawsuit Says”

[Thank you, Miami Herald]
Headline Of The Week, pt.2: ‘Depraved’ Man Who Had Sex With Chickens Is Jailed

[Thank you, Huffington Post]
How Rudy Giuliani Got Caught Red Handed With Borat’s Daughter

[Read on Daily Beast]
Coronavirus is having an impact on otters

[See on Cornwall Live]

Thanks to: TP, OS, A, GS, CF, G, C, BL, SF, deep_stoat, SK

Old Jokes Home

I tried calling the tinnitus helpline the other day, but it just kept ringing.
Still Bored?

Ghislaine Maxwell’s 2016 deposition has just been unsealed by the courts

[The 465 pages are here]

Fancy Another?