Method Acting In Margate

“Obviously every picture of the Queen is absolutely stunning” – Gavin Williamson

Curious to know what’s happened to delay the release of Jesy Nelson’s debut single? The one that’s been pushed back due to “unforeseen circumstances” even after Jesy had started the legwork of plugging it on social media and in interviews?

One thing we hear that might be holding things up is that the track’s supposed guest star, Nicki Minaj, hasn’t got round to recording her part yet.

(Presumably someone didn’t let Nicki know that Jesy’s team had been keen to get the track out to ‘coincide’ with the Little Mix 10th anniversary…)

They say you can’t keep a good man down. Nor, it seems, a roaring dickhead.

Word around NewsUK is that Piers Morgan is contemplating a return to the Murdoch fold, ready for them to dust off their stalled attempt at breaking the TV market (which might square with the recent Private Eye story about Morgan having registered a new company with Companies House called ‘Wake Up Productions’).

A publicity machine like Piers won’t come cheap, of course – and his salary won’t be the only expense such a hire will involve. If he does come aboard, and any of the fees that are currently being floated become more widely known, it’ll only be a matter of time before the rest of the company’s flagship talent (the Chris Evanses, the Graham Nortons, et al) will be after a raise.

Which two actors managed to conduct a year-long affair right under their partners’ noses by setting up endless double dates, even arranging a joint holiday together?

Netflix’s next big period piece is being billed as a “raunchy” remake of Lady Chatterley’s Lover. Given that the source material was the subject of a landmark obscenity trial at the Old Bailey, the raunch bar is already set pretty high. Casting The Crown’s Emma Corrin might be just the thing to help them clear it though.

Emma and a guest recently took up an AirBnB in Margate for what appeared to be a discreet romantic getaway. By the time it came for them to check out though, the place had clearly been put through its paces. Things had been smashed, the walls were covered in all sorts, substantial amounts of damage had been caused.

Which doesn’t bode well for their AirBnB rating, but is a promising sign for Netflix.

Drake’s decision to give R Kelly a writing credit on his new album – at the very same moment that R’s trial for racketeering and the sex trafficking of minors is being heard in a New York court – has resulted in some pretty predictable blowback.

A word of advice to any other artists looking to use R Kelly’s music in 2021: follow the Isley Brothers’ example. Back in April they picked up one of R’s unreleased demos, re-recorded it with a guest verse from Snoop Dogg and put it out under their own name without mentioning R’s involvement in it whatsoever.

Do that and you’ll enjoy completely uncritical fawning in the music press. Rolling Stone described ‘Friends And Family’ as “a breezy party-starter”. Billboard called it “a perfect summertime family reunion groove”. “Cookout music at its finest” – NME (etc).

In all the tributes and obituaries written for Sarah Harding this week, one thing we didn’t see touched on much was Sarah’s sense of generosity. Even in the earliest days of Girls Aloud, when everything was new and dazzling and exciting, she was still happy to lend a helping hand to her fellow artists – even those who had previously been her competition.

For instance, the night before one of the other Popstars The Rivals bands, Phixx, were due to film the video for their debut single (a video that saw singer Mikey Green chained up naked) Sarah stayed up with him to help wax his hairy arsecrack, so that his bum looked nice and smooth on screen.

Although the bulk of celebrity obituaries tend to be prepared in advance, there are always last-minute details that need to be added – often under high pressure.

So spare a thought for the poor journalist who saw Ian Watkins leaving a heartfelt comment underneath the Instagram announcement of Sarah Harding’s death – and then wrote it up mistaking Good Ian Watkins (H from Steps; currently getting ready to release a new album tomorrow) for Bad Ian Watkins (former lostprophets frontman; currently in prison for a load of terrible sex crimes).

For future reference: until about 2043, it’s pretty safe to assume that any good wishes on Insta are coming from H.

Every year on 9/11, people always get in touch to reminisce about how the Popbitch messageboard was where they ended up getting most of their updates on the unfolding events in New York as the major news sites’ servers were struggling to handle the traffic.

Not everything that got posted to the board on 9/11 was strictly on-topic though. One of the other stories that new visitors were treated to on that fateful day was this:

“Talking, as I was, about Natalie Imbruglia earlier I’ve just remembered a builder who fitted new windows at her place a couple of years ago. He says, and I have no reason to doubt him, that her bedroom was absolutely stuffed with soft toys, all of whom had their arms and/or legs ripped off. So she either takes home unwanted and damaged soft toys, which would be sweet. Or sits at home ripping their limbs off, which is scary.

“Sorry it didn’t involve cocaine and Kylie’s arse, but at least it’s true.”

Australia is obviously struggling for decent gossip in lockdown as Isla Fisher made headlines this week when a barista in Perth revealed the shocking secret that Isla uses the name ‘Simone’ when ordering coffee.

The only surprising thing about a celebrity using a fake name is that they’d ever plump for something as plain as ‘Simone’. Her fellow stars have picked much more interesting aliases when out in public, such as:

Kate Beckinsale = Tina Biscuit
Lenny Kravitz = Pepper La Bijou
Mark Ronson = Irvine Meadows
Ellie Goulding = Snowy Clarke
Kylie Minogue = Sue Denim
Ozzy Osbourne = Harry Bollocks
Pink = Mike Hunt

Only a few hours left to get your bids in on Rod Stewart’s Maybach…
[Roll up!]

Plenty of time left to get Al Capone’s firearms though
[See on Witherell’s]

Who wants a knob grinder?
[Less sexy than it sounds]

Why is there so much Sonic The Hedgehog erotica?
[Read on Slate]

Never Gonna Give You Up goes anime
[Watch on YouTube]

Kitten ASMR
[Watch on YouTube]

Did you hear about the Spanish bishop who left the church after reading steamy Satanist bonkbusters?
[A rough translation on Gawker]

Still Bored?
A comprehensive thread on the origin of Kylie’s Can’t Get You Out Of My Head for its 20th anniversary
[Read on Twitter]