“Bruce Lee’s concepts and philosophy is totally off the hook” – Mike Tyson
“I want to do some dancing and singing musicals” – Mike Tyson
POPBITCH _ _ _ _
_ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
| ‘_ \ / _ \| ‘_ \| ‘_ \| | __/ __| ‘_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_| |_| 13.09.12 ISSUE 610
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to https://www.popbitch.com
Send us stories – email: hello@popbitch.com
* John McCririck’s silver tongue
* More of Phil Lynott’s mum
* Charts: Amelia Lily is number one
>> What the dickens? <<
Two Williams are better than one
Ben Dickens, the marvellously moustached creative head of Robbie Williams’ fashion label, Farrell, used to have an interesting job.
He was a Robbie Williams impersonator.
Headline of the week: The National Enquirer – “Diet made Eddie Van Halen’s gut explode!”
>> Paid in full <<
Taking candy from a Robbie
Something happened this week that we really didn’t see coming. We like a Robbie Williams tune. First time ever. OK, you have to ignore the things about the video and lyrics that irritate. But the chorus of Candy is joyous pop.
Maybe one of the reasons we’re into his one is because it borrows from Norwegian nu-disco supremo Todd Terje’s classic Eurodans. Robbie’s management only asked for Terje’s permission to use the sample two weeks before the single’s release. So Terje charged them double.
Malcolm McLaren and Alan Moore collaborated on a screenplay in the 80s. It’s just been made into a comic – Fashion Beast 1.
>> Celebrity chat-up lines <<
Putting the ‘ick’ in ‘McCririck’
Someone who interviewed John McCririck recently claims that his parting line, as she bent down to shake his hand, was: “Do that again so I can see your tits”.
Old Etonian hurdler Lawrence Clarke tweeted from Monday’s Olympic parade “The Prime Minister doesn’t polish his shoes”.
>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week
Which TV doctor likes to make a very thorough examination of his sexual conquests by covering his bedroom with mirrors? Must be very embarrassing…
How did it take us so long to realise that the guitar riff sampled in Rizzle Kicks’ Mama Do The Hump was Mona by Craig Maclachlan?
More than twice as many kids in California’s top private schools are opted out of having vaccinations than in public schools.
>> Phenomenal news <<
Success for brand Geri
Performing at the Olympics and shagging Russell Brand seems to have given Geri Halliwell’s career just the shot in the arm it needed.
Geri had been asking Breast Cancer Care to let her perform for them for two years now – an offer they had managed to avoid somehow – but her fortunes appear to have changed with the news that came out this week that she will be performing her first solo gig in five years, at the Breast Cancer Care Fashion Show.
The set will be two solo hits, plus a new song called Phenomenal Woman, described to us as an “Aretha Franklin style belter inspired by a Maya Angelou poem”. We think this comes from the Absolute stable, of Paul Wilson and Andy Watkins. Geri might just have got herself a new single, as they are the men behind Spice Girls’ hits Stop and Who Do You Think You Are. Then again, they also did last-placed Eurovision flop Even If, and Geri’s horrific Look At Me, so it may not.
FYI Geri likes to sign photos with the caption “Thanks for last night, Love Geri x”.
The tabloids do feel the pain of ordinary folk. Rebekah Brooks’ husband, on their dawn police raid: “The nanny was totally traumatised.”
>> Birdbrained <<
Nero the dubstep penguin
One of the most fun activities backstage at Bestival last weekend was watching the somewhat clueless artist liaison people running around trying to track down performers – especially when they had no idea what they looked like.
Causing particular amusement was one girl asking a man in a penguin outfit if he was Nero. The dubstep duo.
Jan Leeming Car Update: All vehicles in her drive are pristine. Jan also wrote a car off in July following a blowout on the M20.
>> Repo Man <<
Hairy Barry and the warehouse
Our most unusual email of the week – something for rapper Victoria Aitken and her India-based sister, maybe:
“Their childhood possessions are stashed away in a warehouse in Kent owned by a hairy biker called Barry. He did the repo work when Dad went bankrupt.”
FYI: According to her website, Vicky-from-the-block “is renowned in England for her tongue and cheek lyrics”. http://www.victoriaaitken.com/dev/
Kim Kardashian is reported to enjoy breakfasting on Spam with scrambled eggs.
>> Mama got the hump <<
Stories from rock history
Last week’s mention of Phil Lynott’s Mum, Phil (OK, Philomena) brought in this old rock tale. Philomena used to run a notoriously liberal boarding house beloved of many a touring musician in the 70s. One day, Thin Lizzy were visiting and preparing to leave for a TV appearance. Phyllis enquired if Brian Robertson planned on cleaning himself up a little before he left. ‘No’, he replied, ‘I’ll be fine like this’.
With the words ‘Nobody in MY son’s band is going on television looking like that’ she forced his head into the kitchen sink and proceeded to wash his face and hair for him.
Philomena also keeps a huge stash of laminated Phil Lynott mini-calendars in her handbag in case she ever encounters any Thin Lizzy fans.
>> Bum note <<
Theo gets a little intimate
Theo Paphitis opened proceedings at the Retail Week awards last Wednesday. He ended his speech with a complaint about Sainsbury’s own brand loo roll. He told everyone present that “It keeps me too in touch with myself, if you know what I mean?”
Host Chris Ramsey expressed his surprise at the comment. Not that Theo had admitted to accidentally fingering his own arsehole, at a corporate gig; more that he had expected a multi-millionaire like Theo to wipe his arse with fifty pound notes.
At which Theo stood up, removed a wad of fifties from his pocket and flung them in the direction of the comedian.
Labrinth loves R Kelly nearly as much as we do. Likes a slow dance to Bump n Grind and a boogie to Step In The Name Of Love.
>> Ramsey giving nightmares <<
What a hotel in hell looks like
If you tried to imagine what a hotel in hell would look like… how about starting with the idea that it would be run by Mary Portas and Gordon Ramsey? Because when you think of hospitality and a peaceful night’s sleep, you automatically think of shouty publicity hounds, don’t you?
Well, Channel 4 are putting the two of them in charge of a London hotel for a TV series and they are looking for people to go stay in it. Think of the mischief you could make for them… Apparently emailing hotelguest@optomen.com will get you more info and an application form.
Awesome Celebrity baby names: Nick Lachey (Ex-Mr Jessica Simpson) has gone for – Camden John.
>> Hmms <<
TV, Tina, Taibbi
Katie Roiphe on Naomi Wolf’s Vagina. An interesting analysis of media culture:
http://slate.me/OrZWGC
Florida Republicans set out to nail the scourge of illegal alien voting and found….
http://bit.ly/UNCu5V
Always worth reading When Saturday Comes – here’s their post-Hillsborough editorial:
http://bit.ly/OjEEp2
Matt Taibbi is the most interesting writer on culture at the moment. Here, on Bain:
http://bit.ly/SH08DF
Obama and the Hawaiian birth certificate questions:
http://bit.ly/UNCjY6
Get the last remaining Rumstock tickets for Sunday – 8 cocktails, 8 different rums, much fun.
http://www.rumstock.co.uk/
S Club are back! Yay! Sort of! Tina from S Club goes solo – check out her first single, Fire:
http://bit.ly/QPwXx4
*********************************************
Thanks to: AD, inthepocket, medium_Smart, deepstoat, ashleyjwilliams, ho1ey mo1ey, rich johston, capnlovejoy, GH, SL, TB, LMES, SW, h0ley m0ley, Theboyisn’tbackintown
*********************************************
Old Jokes Home
Q/ What do you get if you cross Prince Charles and Queen Elizabeth?
A/ Killed in a tunnel…
Still Bored?
Want to hear Tara Palmer Tompkinson’s new single? Thought so:
http://bit.ly/Qe8TCc
