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For a hassle-free Christmas you need to get yourself an Elf. Want to see what they can do for you?
http://www.goodelf.co.uk/
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“It’s recognition that you’ve put something in” – Stuart Hall (on his OBE)
“I am hoping that the real predators are the ones we are going to find out about” – Max Clifford
POPBITCH _ _ _ _
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|_| |_| 06.12.12 ISSUE 622
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* Paedogeddon – the Mayans were right
* Jude Law’s luvvie love-in
* Charts: John Lewis ad song is number one
>> Paedogeddon <<
The end of the world is nigh
Well the Mayans did say 2012 would usher in the end of the world. And here we have it – Paedogeddon. While countless journalists and celebrities must be popping the champagne corks at Max Clifford making the news today, others must be terrified, as his computers and emails are being pored over by police. Squeaky-bum time for famous Clifford clients…
And if rumours around News Int are to be believed – this is just the start of Max news. Think of all those clients Max has faithfully represented, and all the information he was privy to. Well, what if some of it ended up on the pages of the News of The World, without their knowledge, eh? Sounds like we might be about to find out…
Who did Children in Need ask to be their PR Ambassador in 2011? Well, it wasn’t Jimmy Savile or Stuart Hall. But maybe Max Clifford wasn’t the best choice.
>> Chicken Kiev <<
Viva Junior Eurovision
With the post-Savile Operation Yewtree in full flow, these are dark times for Britain’s ageing celebrity paedos. So here’s a ray of light for Max, and all the other old stars staring down at D-wing – it’s Junior Eurovision!
Three cheers for the winner, lovely Anastasia from Ukraine, a little blonde bombshell with the voice of Aguilera, the boyish figure of Middleton, and the hair and make-up team of Jordan.
And a rather fine Skrillex-inspired production:
http://bit.ly/QJS6Zc
Best chant from the AFC Wimbledon fans at MK Dons last week? “Where were you when you were us?”
>> Perv TV <<
The Gift that keeps on giving
The BBC have been getting a lot of heat from the tabloids about their pervy old stars. However, it’s Granada we tip our hat to. Remember God’s Gift? A piss-poor late night dating game show in the mid 90s. Apart from providing Claudia Winkleman and Davina McCall with early TV exposure, it has been most famous for the fact that one of the contestants, Anthony Morley, went on to kill, and then eat, one of the members of the audience. Until now. Any guesses who used to do the funny voiceover for the show?
Stuart Hall. And Jimmy Savile.
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Fantastically rude and funny Christmas cards and gifts. Just perfect for those special friends and dreaded secret Santas. Loads of everyday nonsense too. Ho Ho Ho!
http://bit.ly/OCjy1
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>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week
Which celebrity is associated with the nose candy, but in fact it’s his wife who is the gak fiend? He’s started to get her companions to sign NDAs when they go out with her. Her drug use has become so blatant any one of them could make a nice bit of Xmas cash with just a cameraphone and the number of a tabloid.
There was actual cheering in the newsroom of Daily Mail when Kate Middleton’s pregnancy was announced.
>> Luvvie love-in <<
You Turner if you want to
Jude Law has been rightly lauded this week for giving an impressive and impassioned speech about arts funding at the Turner prize ceremony. Like any good actor, the Primrose Hill ponce got someone else to write his lines. In this case, someone like Nick Serota.
Best Hobbit-related email of the week “This morning, I woke up yelling “Hobbit, Hobbit, Hobbit, Hobbit!” Turns out, I had just been Tolkien in my sleep.”
>> Popbits <<
Just for Youtube
* Alex Day went top five last Christmas with his Youtube hit, Forever Yours. He’s back again:
http://bit.ly/YEynyL
* Vennu Mallesh could be India’s Alex Day. Here is It’s My Life. The only thing that could possibly make it better is if it was a Dr Alban cover:
http://youtu.be/kJa2kwoZ2a4
Now John McAfee has been arrested by the Guatemalan authorities we can expect his case to move quickly. The trial is expected to last for only 30 days…
>> Reality Bites <<
Lay off Cruise Ship Chris
This series of X Factor is toxic. No longer a vehicle for guests to push their singles, (see No Doubt and Tulisa’s flops), and not a way to make new pop stars, (see the three finalists), it now just seems to be a way for people to show their boredom with the format (remember to vote Christopher). Even the X Factor PR machine looks broken. PR guff after PR guff trying to promote James seems so obvious, as does the kicking they give Chris wherever possible.
We’d advise the X Factor team not to demonise Christopher too much. Take reality TV’s most famous baddie – Nick Bateman from Big Brother. He went in as a Gordonstoun-educated City broker, and came out as a minor celebrity, Nasty Nick. Twelve years later the world of celebrity is not so inviting. Nick is splitting from his publicist wife, enduring a season of panto – an Ugly Sister in Cinderella, Skegness – and then running off to Australia in the New Year, so he doesn’t have to be the TV and tabloid-created Nasty Nick any more.
FYI: The new Coral mobile service enables you to place a bet in just three clicks from logging in.
And try the X-Factor Cashback Promotion: Place a bet on any X Factor Final Market this weekend and receive 100% cashback up to five pounds. @coral for updates. Still worth a bet on Christopher:
http://bit.ly/U1G0IN
After the years of Strictly celeb diet stories, interesting to see that gymnast Louis Smith says it’s made him fatter.
>> Light my ire <<
What mystery celebrities?
Residents of Hastings were left disappointed when Chesney Hawkes was revealed to be the big mystery celeb turning on their Christmas lights this year.
They should count themselves lucky. It could have been a lot more underwhelming. Burnham Market got “Minti from Eastenders”.
The good people of Ongar thought they were getting something special. As well as the usual dross from reality TV (TOWIE’s Ricky Rayment and BGT’s Hope Murphy) it looked like they had landed a real coup. Paul Hardcastle. Was it really the N-n-n-nineteen God himself? Er, no. Paul Hardcastle Jnr. Son of Paul Hardcastle. And described as an ‘international saxophonist’.
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“The most compelling eruption of sex, death and pudding in town” – Time Out
Experience the return of the Young Vic’s sell-out hit The Changeling for just 17 50GBP (all performances 17-22 Dec). Promo code POPBITCH – call 020 7922 2922 or http://www.youngvic.org
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>> Hmmms <<
Manborg, ROTY, fags
Gay marriage, celeb role models, music snobbery, immigration and more. The Candid Shop – buy the Book, watch the Documentary and join the Discussion online.
http://bit.ly/candidshop
We’ve seen Manborg. And it’s brilliant. Review coming soon, but for now – here’s the trailer again:
http://bit.ly/TLXWGW
Vote for record of the year. Carly Rae, Psy, Gotye etc:
http://www.ROTY.tv/
Mel C’s making a nice living for herself in Sydney. Charity begins at home for Scary etc:
http://bit.ly/120cJ5M
Popbitch Racing Club is on a roll! George Baker got an amazing fourth place in a high quality race! See him very close to another win:
http://bit.ly/TUfU9C
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Some turkey, an elf, a hug, or maybe reindeers? If you adopt a word as a Christmas present, then you can give your loved ones whatever you like, even Christmas itself! Plus you’ll be in with the chance to win the incredible Amazon Kindle Fire HD. Proceeds help children lost for words.
http://www.adoptaword.com
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Thanks to: MS, mf, popfiction, ghk, bad_horsey, deep_stoat, SG, JK, D, arseface, uncle_whuppity, tinkse,
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Old Jokes Home:
My mate from Liverpool has just got his kids a trampoline and a couple of bikes for Christmas from the internet.
I asked him which website he saw them on.
His reply? “Google Earth”.
Still Bored:
Australian Xmas lights synched to Robin Skouteris’ Pop Love:
http://bit.ly/YRzjhU