Poker Farce

If the rumours are true, then he wouldn’t be the first Prime Minister to have an awkward godparent situation. Wendi Deng let slip that Tony Blair was godfather to one of Murdoch’s daughters. David Cameron remained unhelpfully tied to Michael Gove for years after their bust-up because Sarah Vine is godmother to one of his.

So just a heads up to Boris that he might want to get prepping his lines if he’s ever made Evgeny Lebedev an offer to become the spiritual guardian to one of his many, many children. Because one of the broadsheets is currently investigating a claim that he has.

This week’s Channel 4 documentary about the Jeremy Kyle Show painted a very grim picture of things behind the scenes. It’s probably not a surprise to learn that guests were specifically baited to get good footage, but staff at the hotel in Manchester where Kyle’s guests were put up remember it wasn’t just confined to the set.

They were instructed not to let guests charge anything to their rooms. Instead, members of the production team would pop by and drop off packages for them. Including one young woman who was given two bottles of vodka, ready for her appearance the next morning. Where Jeremy laid into her for turning up for filming drunk.

Which big-time TV producer takes off every single piece of their clothing before they go for a poo at work?

Monday night sees the launch of the first ever American Song Contest (a.k.a. US Eurovision). In the grand tradition of its European cousin, there’s a couple of surprisingly big heritage acts taking part. Michael Bolton is representing Connecticut. Sisqo is singing for Maryland. But the one we’re most curious to see is Ohio’s own Macy Gray.

After the success of I Try and her multi-million selling debut album, Macy Gray went delightfully bonkers with all the money it raked in. During the sessions for one of her later albums, she turned up to her producer’s house at 11pm (ten hours late) arriving in a large van like the one the A Team used to drive – sitting in the back of it, on a throne.

FYI: At the height of her fame, Macy went on a shopping trip to Harrods. At one point, there was a huge crash and the next second Macy was seen sprawled on the floor, surrounded by the smashed remains of a vase worth about £17,000. Waving off the commotion it caused, Macy just laughed and told her minders “Chill, man, chill. I can afford the whole fuckin’ place.”

boris_bogtrotter writes:
“Just saw Dylan Moran [Black Books; Shaun Of The Dead] who was surprisingly recognisable on the train from Euston to Manchester Piccadilly today. Especially as he had his (wired) headphones in and was dancing alone in the most theatrical of fashions in the little space next to the bog.

“It was a bit of a double take moment, cos he was standing in the door frame with his hands upturned and arms bent everywhere like he was the dancer on Groove Is In The Heart. I just fixed him with a look as I passed by and asked whether he was ‘alright’.

“He nodded vigorously in the affirmative, and carried on like he was in Godspell or something.”

We’ve been Nick Cave-spotting for many years now, collecting anecdotes about everyone’s favourite goth dad – but it seems like we were late to the game. A reader who attended the same school (Caulfield Boys Grammar School) a few years after Nick left says Nick had already built up a legendary status in the school folklore and pupils passed stories of him down from class to class.

Our favourite of the unconfirmed playground rumours: that Nick Cave was banned from wearing casual clothes to school because one day he turned up wearing a dress under a yellow raincoat, with a brick in a handbag.

In the recent scrutiny of his ties to power, it was reported that Lord Evgeny Lebedev hadn’t actually spoken or voted in the House Of Lords since the day of his maiden speech. Within a day of that story breaking, Lebedev suddenly became to inspired to file two written questions: one on food waste, one on food poverty.

The topic caught our eye because we remembered Michael Gove once brought a friend in from outside politics to help out on exactly that same matter. His old poker buddy, Ben Elliot: the high-society fixer best known for providing lifestyle management services to London’s ultra-rich (including at least one recently sanctioned oligarch) through his company, Quintessentially.

Elliot remains the government’s official ‘Food Waste Czar’, but has taken on more responsibility since becoming Tory party chairman. So Lebedev’s question on food waste was picked up and answered by Zac Goldsmith instead – who also just so happens to have been another regular at Gove and Elliot’s old poker nights.

It’s strange Lebedev didn’t already know about the government’s plans for food waste because if you search ‘Food Waste Czar’ on Google, the top results are the Independent and the Evening Standard – both of which have glowingly profiled Ben and his plans. And both of which are owned by… Evgeny Lebedev.

Still, now that Lebedev has had his burning question answered and no longer looks like he’s simply in the House Of Lords for decoration, hopefully journalists will lay off him a bit.

A couple of years ago on the Australian version of Married At First Sight there was a contestant called Ivan Sarakula, who went with the pronunciation “ee-vahn” over “eye-vun”.

After viewers noticed that he initially introduced himself on camera as “eye-vun”, before immediately correcting himself and telling producers it’s actually pronounced “ee-vahn”, a theory took hold that he had consciously adopted “ee-vahn” to stop anyone making any association with the (then-recently deceased) Australian serial killer, Ivan Milat – a.k.a the Backpack Murderer.

There’s similar sort of rumour that’s started going around about the latest series too. Except this time, it’s not a name. There’s talk that one of the contestants is actually related to Milat.

To commemorate the start of the new F1 season this weekend, here’s an old Bernie Ecclestone story we heard recently.

One year at a pre-season press conference, Ferrari were being asked by journalists about their poor recent form, and if they’d ever consider abandoning the sport if things didn’t get better. “Who knows?” was the rather wistful reply. “There are no guarantees Ferrari will be in F1 forever.”

One F1 journalist duly wrote that story up and called Bernie for comment, as they knew Ferrari was critical to F1’s success. Shocked, Bernie told the reporter that he must have misheard – but the journalist was adamant that he’d heard what he’d had heard and that this was the story.

The night before his print deadline, the reporter was at home when there was a knock on the door. Two large gentlemen were in the doorway, one holding a metal petrol container, the other holding a lighter. One of them asked the reporter if he was sure he’d heard right about Ferrari.

The story was duly pulled from that edition, and both house and journo remained free of flames.

Alvin And The Chipmunks slowed down to 16rpm
[Long and sludgy versions]

Annie Lennox’s old house is up for sale
[Price on application, sadly]

Matt Goss gives yet another incredible interview
[Read on the Guardian]

An otter romp in Singapore
[See on BBC]

A Guy Called Gerald (of Voodoo Ray fame) needs legal help to fight a rights case
[See on Crowdfunder]

Why we use lol so much
[Read on Vice]

If you haven’t yet read the profile of Grimes where she was busted trying to hide a secret baby she’d had with Elon Musk…
[Read on Vanity Fair]

Chumbawamba, 25 years on
[Read on Daily Beast]