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Great diarists are great company and none more than Michael Palin. Hear him on the latest instalment of his diaries, Travelling To Work, 10th Dec. 20% off tickets using code FUNNYWALKS (now 20GBP): http://bit.ly/1PcdjZL
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“We used to have shows like Mind Your Language, which was so funny. I wish these shows were still around.” – Peter Andre
POPBITCH _ _ _ _
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|_| |_|05.11.15 ISSUE 761
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* Lesley Joseph’s stalker
* Mark-Francis Vandelli’s sausage
* Charts: Adele still No. 1
>> Musical chairs <<
Soon to be Ex Factor?
With viewing figures staying stubbornly low, and everyone laughing at the new judges and presenters, this funky young reboot of the X Factor is all at sixes and sevens. The latest rumours swirling around TV company watercoolers won’t help to quell the chaos either.
Those rumours suggest ITV are looking at ditching X Factor after this series for The Voice (which they’ll poach from the BBC) while Sky want to pick up what remains of Cowell’s show.
Where does that leave the BBC? Empty-handed, without a singing show of its own. But as TV karaoke formats around the world are facing similar ratings slumps, execs at the BBC don’t actually seem to be all that sad about it.
FYI: Last week we said plans were afoot to deal with Anton if he got too popular. On-set gossip suggests he was the big winner in the first public vote. So it’s no surprise the anti-Anton press stories started on Monday:
http://bit.ly/1kcrKQS
Anti-Jay McGuiness stories are now appearing daily too. Why? He’s such a hot favourite for Strictly, they want to stop the show from looking effectively over already.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
Which soap star should maybe consider using an itsy bitsy more soap himself? One lucky lady who had an entanglement with the actor in question complained to friends after that his dick had tasted “completely like piss”.
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>> High class porkies <<
How the sausage gets made
The notoriously mysterious Mark-Francis Vandelli from Made In Chelsea gave a huge, exclusive interview to the Daily Mail this week.
Described in the piece as a “classy socialite” who is known for his “love of the finer things in life”, did
he use the interview as a chance to clear up the confusion surrounding his claimed connections to Russian royalty? Or make it any clearer what he actually does for a living? Erm, no.
For some reason, what MFV really wanted to talk about was sausages. Specifically:
“British Sausage Week – where he has taken it upon himself to challenge the nation to learn more about the sheer range and quality of sausages being produced.”
US Presidential campaign: Trump and Carson may be leading the Republican polls, but Marco Rubio is way, way ahead on the betting exchanges.
>> Stalk of the town <<
Farewell then, Gilbert
One of the brightest lights in the world of celebrity stalking has just gone out.
Gilbert was known to stage crew in theatres up and down the country. Always bearing his trademark gifts – Haribo and a Barbie doll – he would follow Birds Of A Feather’s Lesley Joseph around from place to place, and wait for her by the stage door after shows to ask her out to dinner. Lesley always demurred, but it never stopped him trying.
Sadly, Gilbert passed away last month – which means there’ll be one fewer bum on the seats of the Southend panto this festive season.
RIP Colin Welland. Remembered fondly by some Leeds Utd fans who met him at the 1975 European Cup, Paris. Too skint for the fare home, Colin kindly stumped up the cash for them.
>> Killer Beats <<
Apple Mac v Annie Mac
When Apple nabbed Zane Lowe from the BBC – paying him a huge salary to be one of the banner DJs for iTunes Music’s flagship station, Beats 1 – pretty much everyone in the media fell over themselves to regurgitate Apple’s PR line that they were “reinventing radio” at the expense of dinosaurs like Radio 1.
Meanwhile, Annie Mac quietly took over Zane’s slot – not only saving the station a fair bit of cash, but adding more than 100,000 extra listeners too.
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Q/ Why has Bridget Christie been sending her stained underpants to George Osborne every month?
A/ Find out in her new show, 16 Nov – 2 Dec, Leicester Sq Theatre. 20% off Mon-Weds promo code POPBRIDGE:
http://bit.ly/1Oipeot
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>> Correction <<
Our apologies
We recently told the story of how TV producer Petra Fried had been drinking with Dr Who writer Steven Moffat and others at a BBC worldwide dinner and that Moffat had later knocked on her door to suggest more drinking.
That was incorrect and we apologise for any inferences made in the piece. We are glad for the opportunity to clear up any misunderstanding.
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Trident is in the political news a lot. Are you for? Or against? Or really have no idea what to think? Come find out on 26 Nov at this prestigious Oxford Research Group event. FREE tickets code POPBITCH:
http://bit.ly/1l9by2O
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>> You too? <<
Anyone who’s anyone
It was an eclectic mix of famous faces padding around the VIP section of U2’s most recent concert. From fashion (Stella McCartney) to dadrock (Chris Martin; Noel Gallagher), Hollywood (Woody Harrelson; Annabel Wallis) media and tech (Jefferson Hack; Johnny Ive).
The two getting most hassle for selfies? Chris Martin and Woody Harrelson (both of them very polite and courteous to everyone who asked).
We felt a rare pang of sympathy for Bono this week, as he was the first person to be “treated” to an airing of The Corrs’ brand new album.
>> Backing singer <<
A puppet on a shoestring
Disappointed though we were when the Metro’s old gossip hound Neil Sean cancelled his one-man cabaret show earlier in the year, all may not be lost. Those wishing to hear the man himself giving it a bit of West End welly may be in luck.
You may remember that Neil took a job as Travelodge’s first (and, to date, only) Writer-In-Residence a few years back? Well, it seems that the brand partnership is not quite over.
We heard a rather convincing rumour that one of the half-dozen singing puppets in the most recent Travelodge ad campaign is voiced by none other than Mr Showbiz… Neil Sean!
Neil Sean used to be a supporting vocalist for acts in the Stock, Aitken and Waterman stable.
>> Cover star <<
Adele’s tracklisting game
Adele has released the track listing for her new album and, weirdly, every song on there could be a cover. It’s only the 11th track that doesn’t share its name with someone else’s hit:
1. Hello (Lionel Richie)
2. Send My Love (St Vincent)
3. I Miss You (Blink 182)
4. When We Were Young (Killers)
5. Remedy (Little Boots)
6. Water Under The Bridge (Gregory Porter)
7. River Lea (Nick Mulvey)
8. Love In The Dark (Yacht)
9. Million Years Ago (Garth Green)
10. All I Ask (Crowded House)
11. Sweetest Devotion (Original?)
FYI: Hello is the first song ever to sell 1m+ downloads in a week in USA.
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>> Hmmms <<
Parrots, llamas, whisky
Branded content at its finest: “10 of the best debut albums of 2015. Researched, collated and listened to with Windows 10…”
http://bit.ly/1Nfw0Wn
A parrot that laughs like a super villain:
http://bit.ly/1XQL8RB
Popbitch’s favourite member of the Hellenic Association of Maritime Law – Fani Gropa:
http://bit.ly/1Rwz0S0
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Thanks to: faykeorgasm, sg, DW, EM, monstris, SW, rasklonikov, NS, LT, TM, AM
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Old Jokes Home:
Q/ What do you get if you cross a Tyrannosaurus Rex with fireworks?
A/ Dinomite
Still Bored?
Next Tuesday – the last Popbitch pub quiz of the year at Smiths of Spitalfields. Food! Booze! Prizes! Gossip! Accordion karaoke! Entry fee just 5GBP(+booking) per person.
http://bit.ly/1NW5Rlc
