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“Knowing a woman is enjoying herself enhances my own enjoyment and I have taken a personal pride in giving women pleasure” – Max Clifford
POPBITCH _ _ _ _
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|_| |_| 20.03.14 ISSUE 682
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* Gobbing off with Sharon Osbourne
* Late night Razorlight
* Charts: Duke Dumont is no 1
>> Royal flush <<
A cheeky bit of information
Clive Goodman, ex-royal editor for News of the World and convicted phone-hacker, has been in court this week giving evidence in the News International trial. Here’s a royal scoop we got without hacking a phone:
Prince Charles’ self-confessed preferred direction of bum-wiping is… front to back!
Dubious Sympathies Of The Week – from the Rolling Stones’ Facebook fan page: “Sympathies Mick. Suicide is a terrible thing. Hang in there.”
>> Up the creek <<
Racist scrabble on the TV
It’s been a big week for fans of the offensive and racially-inflammatory slur “jigaboo”. First Cheryl Cole gets her job back on The X Factor; then it made a surprise appearance on primetime BBC1 – in Friday’s episode of Jonathan Creek.
It was one of the words that made it on to the Scrabble board in the game between John Bird and June Whitfield. It appeared in quite obvious detail too – presumably in an attempt to alienate what was left of the series’ dwindling audience.
24 year-old Brit singer, Jess Glynne, is the first artist to have two number one singles in 2014 (Rather Be, My Love).
>> Big Questions <<
Who wants to know what?
Which supposedly down-to-earth celebrity didn’t really enjoy the experience of being in an NHS hospital to give birth? She had to be dissuaded from upping sticks and relocating to the Portland by her publicist, who was keen to reinforce her client’s plebian credentials.
Skippys Fast Food restaurant in Molde, Norway, was terrorised by an injured otter last week. Locals say they are seeing more otter-related activity all the time.
>> Gobbing off <<
Extra special lip service
Sharon Osbourne was in The Sun today saying again she wouldn’t be a judge on X Factor this year, “I cannot go there… I can’t…”
We’re pretty sure she means it. When the series ended last year Sharon was telling anyone who would listen that Simon Cowell would have to “lick her out for three weeks” before she’d even consider doing another.
So it’s probably a safe bet that she’s not going back.
Nom Dem of the week: Southend’s leading breastfeeding counsellor – Tracy Leak.
>> Funny business <<
Comedian leaves bad taste
Canadian comic Russell Peters bombed pretty horribly at a GQ charity event last week, but that wasn’t the only headache he caused the organisers.
GQ’s people had to plead with fellow comedians on the bill not to tweet about how Peters was showing people pictures of him with groupies on his phone. An understandable concern, given that the gig was a benefit in aid of women left vulnerable by human trafficking.
And that wasn’t the only gripe backstage. There was much muttering about how the charity might have ended up with a much bigger cheque than the 10 grand they pocketed had they not had to shell out for Peters’ first-class transatlantic flights.
Martin Freeman’s wife, Amanda Abbington, is selling a picture of her dog, Arthur. For 200 quid. Guess those money problems are not quite over.
>> Powerless <<
Razorlight by candlelight
deep_stoat writes:
“Johnny Borrell and his band, Razorlight, are at it again.
“The good news – a power cut at the rehearsal studio means there’s no electricity.
“The bad news – the cunts are playing acoustic versions by candlelight. By fucking candlelight.”
Someone at Wateraid forget to substitute the word “Mother’s” into their Valentine’s Day email marketing campaign this week.
>> Frisky business <<
We all owe Rebekah one
Rebekah Brooks’ time on the stand in court is over, and we were impressed at the number of big cheeses who lined up to personally help her through the News of the World closing – Blair, Murdoch, Mandelson etc…
It was also nice to see Jeremy Clarkson’s wife providing a character reference. Maybe she felt she owed her one. As we reported a couple of years back, when the News of the World were offered pictures of Jeremy and a blonde colleague getting frisky at a New Zealand hotel, Mrs Brooks bought them all up for the paper. And then never let them see the light of day.
Spotted at a celeb party last weekend Louise off Made in Chelsea. Not talking to anyone and eating food she’d brought herself (carrots, hummus, rice crackers)
>> Eurovision update <<
This year’s front runner
Anyone for Yerevan? This year’s Eurovision entries are now out, and Armenia are the early hot favourites. It’s a classy song – complete with huge dubstep breakdown.
Wubs and dubs are very much to the fore this year – check out Hungary’s rather good drum and bass, and Lithuania’s electro.
FYI: Hungary’s Andras Kallay-Saunders is the son of Fernando Saunders, Lou Reed’s bass player for the best part of 30 years.
Chess champion Magnus Carlsen has a bit of a mean streak. He will occasionally go to online chess sites using a beginner’s account and demolish anyone who plays him.
>> Hmms <<
Hip-hop, Photoshop, wolfsong
If sweary t-shirts are your thing, you might like these retro ones:
http://bit.ly/1paeGGr
Oh, wait. Sorry. This is Russell Brand analysing the news:
http://bit.ly/1iFWi8k
A charity T-shirt signed by Damien Hirst and Griff Rhys Jones on ebay? Yes please! But what’s that extra message at the top?
http://ebay.eu/1dsFEE7
When it comes to asking internet strangers to help with PhotoShop, people just never learn:
http://bit.ly/1fJmCt1
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Thanks to: FS, blessed_brian, meow, PJ, Keggykeegle, AP, abominablehoman, ST, bad_horsey, deep_stoat, MH, S, SW, danceswithmustelids, stanleyvandelinder, NG, CM, DR, anon, monstris, KC
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Old Jokes Home:
I popped into Tesco today and nicked all the baguettes.
It was a French stick up.
